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 Oct 2018 Nyk
celesti
i wrote you
a letter every day
letters to tell you
just how i feel

written in neat, curved
writing i told you
just how sweet
i thought you were
how you made my heart
glow

letters in which i wrote
with various colors of ink
pouring out my whole being
to you

i wrote you
a letter every day.

i wrote you letters in which
i told you how you made me
bloom.

eventually
i found myself
pressing harder on
the paper
than i had before.

creating tears in them
similar in shape
and size
as the ones
inside of me.

i began to send
letters
with creases
and bumps
and stains
splattered with tears

pouring
from my eyes

as i wrote
the anger
bubbling within me.

my last letter
addressed to you
contained
no words

but was blank.
because
i had none that

could reach
as far

and deep

into the cracks
of my
heart

to describe
just
what you

had left
of me.
a draft i decided to finish because it took a totally different turn than originally intended.
 Oct 2018 Nyk
Nyx
Mr Whiteside
 Oct 2018 Nyk
Nyx
~

Nobody Loves me
Nobody really cares


But I do my darling
Just take a look into my eyes
I've been through hell and back with you
Together we have touched the skies

From the beginning to the end
We've seen each other through it
The lies and deceit, heart stopping truths
Where others would have split
We made it through our youth

When we first met you were smol
Barely even my height
A friendship made through stripper jokes
And you being my favourite white

Casual racism erupted
A classic joke among our friends
During a time where we were once happy
Innocent even, before that bitter end

Slowly you grew taller
Quite frankly you have changed
No longer that touchy goofball
Reasoning for that we leave unexplained

Though I still love you dearly
No matter what kind of person you become
Even if you turned into a vile beast
I would still act like your mum

From your oddly perfectly shaped eyebrows
Those glistening endless voids you call your eyes
Hair roughly pushed to the side
Matched with a cheeky grin that people seem to idolise

3 Years I would say its been
Though clearly its the wrong number
Knowing all about your weird life
Sharing memories from past summers

An ungodly collection of hats
littered throughout your room
The ugly ones shoved above the closet
That black one with green splats I presume

We went to that amazing concert together
Rocking it out within the mosh pit
I'll never forget that amazing day
As we reconnected even if it was just a bit

Your escape through street fighting
A dark time for both of us I remember
But it looks like we stuck it out
We made it past that December

Even if we wanted to end it all
The depression still hitting us in waves
The relaps of that fateful period
Still echoes within my brain

But like I've said once
And will say a million times over
I love you my dear boy
Even if you feel like a complete loner

I'll continue holding my hand out
Incase you slip and fall
Even if you don't need it
Just don't forget its there is all


I want you to know
I love you
Remember that Riy



~
Cheer up darl
I'll always be here for you
As you were one of the first
And forever one of the special people in my life
Love you
 Oct 2018 Nyk
Nyx
Photographs of naked bodies
Positioned across a bed
Seducing one other
By the gleam in our eyes
Dressed with the desirable color of red
Our lips dripping with pure lust
Forever but a mere inch away
Eternally unreachable
As pretend is what we like to play
Trace the outline of my body
Feel the softness of my skin
Dine upon the devils wishes
Give in to this lustful sin
Embrace the coldness of the night
Be intoxicated by our heat
Eyes glazed over from this dream
Slowly lose your willingness to fight
Taste the sweetness upon your tongue
Allow us to quench your thirst
But once you taste heaven gates
You will eternally be cursed
Drunken off the beating sound
Of our hearts within perfect synch
Pleasure induced by feeling Pain
Holding on tighter to that chain
Bruises and bite marks
Littering the skin
Relinquish your demons
Fall captive to that sinners grin
Harsh whispers in the dark
Lips pressed against your neck
Tempt me with such sins
my darling

My dear the night has only begun
Decipher what you truly want
As it seems our game of play is done
Both lost within an ecstatic dream
It appears that neither of us have won
Dirtied souls are all that are left
Without meaning or for reason
What have we done?
an echoing question
The devil replies with a taunting voice
My darling you have become undone
With a sly grin he walks away
Eroding into the dark of night
While the tainted souls
Together with their hands holding tight
A game that they were destined to lose
We have danced with the devil tonight
And it appears he has won.



~
It was a late night and the words were just coming to mind
So I ended up stringing this odd piece together
 Oct 2018 Nyk
Whisper
I chased you
Until I was exhausted
So you choose to lift me
And carry me as your own
Believing you were someone
Who would finally love me
As I wished to be loved.
Time went on
My days grew greatly
And all was more than enough
Until the day came
The day awaited for all but me
The day I realized you chose me only
To stitch your cuts
And numb your pain...

I guess they were right.
 Aug 2018 Nyk
Nyx
Within the Tower
 Aug 2018 Nyk
Nyx
Break and tear at my skin
Pull down the covers
Reveal my true sins
I'm not a real lover

Chip at my fortress
That I've build high in the sky
Knock down the door
Its within there I hide

Fight the dragon
That stands in your way
Pass by him with ease
As he's quite easy prey

Scale to the furthest tower
Within there I lay
A lonely girl hiding
This is where I stay

The walls mean nothing
Nor the doors that are bolted
That dragon so fierce
Is weak though devoted

Its easy to break through
Its simple to get in
But the real question is
How do you win?

The real challenge wasn't
The doors and the riddles
It was whether or not
You could cure me, even just a little

To rid me of this curse
Lay upon by a witch
To forever feel this loneliness
Though I am a complete *****

So tell me darling do you know
The way to set me free?
Or will you be like the rest of them
If so, go on and flee

I'll stay in this tower
Dont you worry
You weren't the prince for me
I know that the truth is that I'm the one
The only one who can set myself free
 Sep 2017 Nyk
cv
pretty girl with pretty flowers,
do not be afraid to trace the soft curves of your body
with your round, round eyes.
your monsters hide not there—
your guardian angels do.

when your night feels longer than the day,
breathe the smidgen of youth you have left in you
into the birds swimming fluidly with the stars—
their wings swiftly cutting smooth ripples into the sky,
disturbing the grumbling twilight.
you could be one of them,
able to go nowhere and everywhere.
like air.

don’t you want to go home?


sad girl with sad flowers,
keep your leaves tucked inside your old books,
in lacy sleeves, your peeling boots—
hope He finds them all there.

sing sweetly of the poets of all ages—siken, plath, wilde, whitman
shamelessly climb inside His chest,
gently rip His ribs apart,
the you that's serenading, softly seducing Him
with songs unsung and dreams undreamt.

let your baby blue skirt ride up,
drip, drip, drip,
let His calloused fingers brush your thighs made of syrupy milk,
as you smile, and smile, and smile.


fiery girl with stormy flowers,
the best things in life cannot be confined to a physical shape, cannot be
seen, or touched, or heard, or said—
yet in your eyes set heavy by damp eyelashes,
there is the primal, unconfined, raw thirst,
desperately hoping and searching.

is it a lost love? an unfounded love?
what is it that you are looking for?
snippets of a poem i wrote
 Aug 2017 Nyk
blue mercury
holy
 Aug 2017 Nyk
blue mercury
my hands and heart are calloused
from writing out our story
from living out our story
god knows
i breathe so much love for you
and it lives within me
and right now it's messier
than before

it's angry
it's painful
it's jaggedly soft and a whispered
prayer
are you there?
my love, are you there?

you may give up on me
but my knees are scuffed
because i've been praying
on concrete.
that never used to happen before

i've this carpet burn
from sleeping on the floor,
because the bed
is a mocking reminder
of the softness of your skin
of you love
of you

i'm a sinner, and you know it
but i felt so holy
when your lips touched mine
the way they did

i miss you
like an ocean misses the shore
i will always be trying
to reach you

my heart's still in your hands
it's in your hands
i always melted in your hands...
love doesn't dicriminate between the sinners and the saints; it takes and it takes and it takes. but we keep loving anyway, we laugh and we cry and we break and we make our mistakes.
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