Overly emotional
strangely proportional
partly suboptimal
highly improbable

Easily
devided
by truth and anger
and all that subsided

I'm trying
I'm hiding
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to scream
mostly defying
the urge to break
the urge to destroy
to disappear, to dissolve
I might be lying

To myself
to myself
My need for leaving or staying
is always unmet
with internal bleeding
my thoughts are paying
and these monsters
in my head
keep eating
Did I really put them there
myself?
Or did it happen back
when I was twelve?

I hear you
but your breath is so cold
I wanted to believe
in anything but you
But I think we got too old
and the house
my heart grew in
has long been sold

And when I'm drinking
you get angry
but what should I do?
My thoughts feel so scattered
and you can't pull me through

I'm trying
I'm fighting
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to dream
mostly defying
the urge to fake
the urge to decoy
to reappear, to resolve
I might be lying

to myself

she walks around with her head down low,
avoiding all the eyes,
its as if she doesn’t know,
she hasn’t realized.

that she’s the reason he's okay,
the reason that he tries,
she thinks she’s just a castaway,
but she gives him butterflies.

to him, she smells like sunshine,
she’s so beautiful, she glows
he wishes she would realize,
but she’ll never know.

you cut the same lines
piercing deeper each time
a master villain, a verbal crime.

distorted view,
piece of glass,
i am society’s lower class.

i realized today
i might be inlove with You
a wave of disarray
i don’t know what to do.

You flash your green eyes,
and make me fall,
a smile to hypnotize,
as comes nightfall.

but its repetition yet again,
her name's on a loop.
i try and try to abstain,
but out comes the truth

i know i could show you,
your smile could be pure,
from the sadness a breakthrough,
a new meaning for those three words.

Can’t help feeling
As I’m staring at the ceiling
And my reality is peeling
Because I am thinking
And reeling
And stealing insecurities in my mind
The clock ticks, and there goes time

No one really knows me
There, I said it
As no one can measure the depth of the sea
No one knows me
Not even my family

When you look at me, what do you see?
Quiet, hiding in corners
There’s no way around her, you’d have to pay a fine to cross the border
Her voice never raising above a whisper
You think you know her
But you miss her

I don’t smile
I do smile, but only once in awhile and when I’m feeling wild and like a child
But my expressions are limited
Far from being riveted
If I look unhappy I’m probably not
So if I look happy; I’m caught
Because, thought it’s happiness I sought, I’m not

Sometimes, with my close friends
They’ll get a glimpse of my energy
Running around in circles, punching out the enemy
There I smile, there I laugh
There my brockade is slipping, and I’m not as docile as a cat

But even then - even they
Don’t know me
The nectar of the flowers has never touched the bee
There is so much in my mind
So many dimensions, so many lines
If I were to tell you everything that’s in there, we’d run out of time
There are the corners full of regrets, of aspirations
I have so many dreams but lately I’ve been fraying at the seams and it’s hard to see or believe in me when there are so many vacations

I don’t even know if I know me
Some days I’m an introvert
Some days I’m an extrovert
Some days I lie and sit
Other days I never quit

Some days I’m silent
Some days I’m vibrant
Some days I’m lonely
I know I’m not the only one
But it feels that way sometimes

It’ll take a lifetime, probably, to figure myself out
It scares me how I’m a mystery even to myself