The worst nightmare
is not a dream
that makes you cry
and ends when you wake up
but it is where you have to
wake up from bed everyday
feeling like crying
missing someone
and literally
living everyday as a nightmare
and only ends when you die.

the way the rain peppers itself across the pane
giving spice to my plain, dreary, life
i lock my fingers with my own
as if to numb the pain
of being alone
the way
you
look at me
gives me hope
like no other before you
i do not feel the need to hide
the parts of myself i feel arent worthy
i never wonder why im the way that i am with you
because to wonder is to distract myself
from the wonder that is you

Everyone has a general feeling of their own mind
She did not quite understand exactly how her mind was like
Until she started writing down all her feelings
Writing them down felt like she was organizing her own thoughts
Like looking at each small picture and then taking a step back to see the bigger picture, and fully understand it
She finally understood how her mind was like now
Hers felt so much pain and sadness
So gloomy
It was a quiet rain storm
The only thing she heard in her head was the demons telling her:
"don't eat"
"you're not good enough"
"no matter how hard you try to be special and be someone for someone, it will never happen".

The worst nightmare
was never being paralyzed in the middle of my sleep
nor waking up with blood-stained bed sheet
in the middle of the night.

The worst nightmare goes like this - just tonight
I tried to fall asleep hoping it's quicker -
and perhaps easier than falling apart - than tears falling down my
        cheeks
But still wake up just to cry in memory of her.

I wanted to return from the start
when I wasn't too honest
I want her to realize
just how much she means to me.

I wished she knew the sacrifices I made
that sealed my fate
I wish she knows what punishment I await
because I did this for her sake.

I know you already like someone else
Yet despite this fact
And despite denying you to myself every single day
nothing hurts more than lying to myself knowing I can't stop these
          feelings for you.

The saddest thing is that could have been me
perhaps if I wasn't too honest and didn't put my chance on the line
But this is the way I love - the way the Lord taught me to love
Strengthen my resolve, and love with all my heart no matter the
          cost, no matter the risk, no matter the return, no matter the
          pain.

But more than anything else if I must receive spare change,
I wish she knows I love her...
I loved her
love her and
will always love her...
I have always love her and forevermore I will - no matter the cost,
          risk, pain, return - this is what binds me to God, the way He
          loves me and the way I love as He taught me.

Even if my love goes not reciprocated,
Honestly, it was when I met you that I guess I really started breathing

I have always love you and I always will because a world without you is a world not worth living.

I love you "Circle".