Rebecca

Rebecca Mar 2020

Alone

I can't help but feel alone.
On the outside of the box.
Everyone around me being loved while I jump and wave from across the room.
Loving relationships swarming around me yet I can't seem to grasp one for myself.

#love #relationships

Rebecca Mar 2020

Sleepless Nights

As I sit here, tossing in bed, all I can think about is you.
The way you held me down.
The way you covered my mouth to muffle the screams.
The way you took my soul and shattered it.
Quietly whimpering in the safety of my own room, I can't help but to feel my body fill with rage and regret.
Furious that I can't stop the flashbacks.
Constantly regretting not running away.
3 whole years since I've seen you and the vision of you can't seem to leave my restless mind.

#night #sleep #trauma #sadness

Rebecca Feb 2020

"one prescription of people"

People are not your medicine.
I had to learn that the hard way.
Both perspectives.
The prescription taker.
The prescription giver.
Draining, heart wrenching, and sickening.
I will no longer be the medicine past people have made me be.
No longer giving all my oxygen and strength to those who won't try themselves.
Sure, playing either role may be nice but at the end of the day, you're left sobbing quietly alone in your room just wishing the pain would subside.
One thing to remember is,
You cannot make people your medicine and you are not others

#medicine #drained #people #tired

Rebecca Feb 2020

Ana

The day Ana settled in was the day my world stopped.
Time froze for me.
Everyone around me living and I was rotting.
Busy counting calories and watching my eyes slowly sinking deep into my head.
My "friends" meeting Ana and only encouraging her to continue her path of destruction with me.
I was dying and they were giggling.
Ana stole my life.
So scared of people seeing me, that I never left my room in fear of people seeing my bald spots.
Oh, did I mention Ana also took clumps of my hair?
Ana destroyed me but I overpowered her.
I claimed back my life.
The day Ana left was the day I finally was free

if you are struggling with any harmful patter of eating I hope you find the light and the help because living is so worth it. I love you all. -becca

#anorexia #selfharm #recovery

Rebecca Feb 2020

For 16 Year Old Me

Dear 16 year old me,
                                     Life is worth living.
Two years from now you end up moving three hours away and meeting two of your best friends in the entire world.
You write a book.
Sell your art like you've wanted to since you were nine.
Express who you really are.
Get the confidence to finally get the help you need.
Fall deeply in love while simultaneously experiencing heartbreak.
There will be trials that will seem like you'll never overcome but trust me, you will and you'll come out even stronger than before.
Life is worth living.
I know you're contemplating on ending it but please believe me when I say life gets better.
Not easier, but better.
I love you and our life
                                          From,
                                                     20 year old me

#suicide #happiness #light #sunshine #worth

Rebecca Feb 2020

The Unspoken Incident

Didn't your mother tell you that stealing was bad?
Then why did you steal my dignity and self worth that night?
It's been almost three years and I still cringe when I even hug a man.
I don't get scared walking the downtown streets alone at night.
I get scared at the thought of going home and seeing you in town.
What you stole from me was my worth and safety.
What you gave me back in return was trauma and uneasiness.

#hurt #stolen #trauma #sadness

Rebecca Feb 2020

tea or coffee

I regret meeting you.
Showing you the raw pieces of me only for you to share them with the world.
You used me for your own benefit.
Hearing your name makes my skin feel as if I'm on fire.
Blood boiling.
Saying you cared is an understatement.
You only cared when the end point benefited you.
Relationships are supposed to be two-sided.
Mutualism.
Ours was parasitism.
When I say I regret meeting you
I mean it.

#relationship #toxic #sad