Skimming stones across the water

All these memories flash before my eyes

Things were good back then.
Now you get under my skin.
Once upon a time you were my everything
all of this has changed 

You and I 
we went our separate ways
now all that I can do

is reminisce about better days
you’re lingering here in dreams
still envision you, standing in front of me
Maybe this will all fade with time
but right now babe,
you’re still here in my mind

Here I am counting all the ways

we let each other down,

how did you just stand there,
you just let me drown,
in all of this pain.
Just sitting in this park, after dark

gazing at all these stars
how could we drift this far apart?
like a river rises,
 I’m flooded with emotions
For you, I was totally devoted
how could you give up on me
When I needed you most
All is lost, my heart is crushed
I lost you in this love

Hey girl, once there was a time

All I wanted was you to be mine,

All of the jealousy in me
Lead me to places, I never thought I would see
It made me become, everything I said I’d never be
I am looking for all the signals 
that lead us to this,

How was this something we couldn’t fix

Wasn’t me who chose it, to be this way.
How could you go lead me astray
Seems you ****** the light right out of me
and all these emotions, I can’t control
all of this hurt, Don’t wanna feel anymore
Make me numb, I don’t want to feel anymore.

Here I am counting all the ways

we let each other down,

how did you just stand there,
you just let me drown,
in all of this pain.
Just sitting in this park, after dark

gazing at all these stars
how could we drift this far apart?
like a river rises, 
I’m flooded with emotions
For you, I was totally devoted
how could you give up on me
When I needed you most
All is lost, my heart is crushed
I lost you in this love

Standing on this ledge

looking over a vast ocean

I could jump at any moment
So I can drown in this emotional ocean

Let the salt sting all these wounds 
that you left upon me
all these scars reveal, the pain you left me in
Can you see it, see this is what you did
Thought we were the perfect two
only to be heartbroken by you
How could an angel, cause this kind of hurt
How could someone I trusted so much
tear me completely apart, shattered and broken

Words that never should have been spoken
Were revealed in conversation

I need to escape this vindication
baby, I’m lost in this confrontation
need my own constellation
just to escape this situation

Here I am counting all the ways

we let each other down,

how did you just stand there,
you just let me drown,
in all of this pain.
Just sitting in this park, after dark

gazing at all these stars
how could we drift this far apart?
like a river rises, 
I’m flooded with emotions
For you, I was totally devoted
how could you give up on me
When I needed you most
All is lost, my heart is crushed
I lost you in this love

©2017 Written By Benji James

Maybe if I get a massage or have a drink or another drink or another drink...
Maybe if I talk to the right person, the right friend, the right therapist, the right bartender, have the right drink.
Maybe if I do the right work out, look the right way, I might feel the right way, drink the right workout shake, the right energy drink would maybe help.
If I leave the country, go to the right beach in that special place, get off the right path, find the right exotic people, experience a spiritual awakening, worship the right god.
Maybe if I sit in the right chair and have the best speakers and the right screen and watch the right show and get into the right movie.
Maybe if I find the right cocktail, the right wine, the right expensive craft beer.
If I marry the right woman and raise the kids the right way, buy a nice house on the right kind of street.
Maybe if I get the right job and drive the best car and show all the right people I made it and they can all see I'm not such a disappointment. That I made the right decisions.

Maybe then, just maybe.

I can get some relief.

"I love you,"

I said.

He replied,

"Good night."

That night

I knew

what love was for me

was a dream to him