Silhouetted feathers, dipped in Unfathomable pain, rain inside my room.
And the monster under my bed has awoken again. Feeding on my mind and the emotions I emulate
His cold, dead, hands wrapped around my brain
I can hear his voice inside my head his wondering thoughts keep me cold like bed sheets

Sometimes I wonder
If these walls could speak
What would they say after catching wind of everything they've absorbed
When I yelled my rage, distress, and disbelief at them

Sometimes I wonder,
If this ceiling had eyes
could it see
Me in a bipolar state of mind
as I write in this notebook
my moments of sadness, malice, and agony

Sometimes I wonder
If these walls were alive
have I slowly been watching them die
As I stabbed them a million times
With my lingering thoughts

And if these walls could walk
Would they walk away and leave me here
In such a lonely world
laying in my bed drowning in this shame
Buried in bones
As the skeletons inside my closet
dance above my body, & soul
in this rain made of nostalgic feathers
And the monster under my bed has replaced the monster inside my head.

They say that hell is a repetition of the worse moments in your life.
If hell exist, I'm happy to say
I'll be seeing you when I'm dead

My mind afloat a pool of sadness
as I lay here in my bed on the day of my birth name
Without you by my side
Remember that rainy day ? That storm ? Where we got stuck on the side of the freeway?
I never felt so ******* alive and loved by someone in my life
You probably don't remember but I said I would love you in the future a million times more than in the past

It's sad to say, I still feel exactly the same way
after you said you loved me
while salivating over him and his spit still on your lips and the shame you couldn't admit
Hiding behind your mask made out of sweet nothings, and alibis
as your ghost stands host of my vacant mind

Slit my ******* throat and try to stitch it with the promises you couldn't keep
Cut my ******* heart out and try to make it palpitate with your sympathy
drag me down to hell
So I can cauterize in your wrongdoings
Or throw me up to heaven
so I can asphyxiate in your globs holy ******* greatness
So he can watch me suffocate in love lost and heartaches and feel the greatest pain of all humanity
A broken ******* heart

Ive spend the rest of the year trying to find you in everything
Like hopeless romantic films, sad songs, and aesthetic, melancholy sceneries
Finding excuses to feed my rage
So I can hate you because that's all I have left at the end of my fingers tips

I got a hole in my soul and I wish I was dead, not literally but I feel that way
And as soon as the hands on the clock bend forward to strike 12am
I'm going out of frequency and
You're the only human in the world I wanna see
the only person in all the parallel universes and boundless worlds
Who I wanna be with
No matter Where or why and how many times
I find myself drowning in time
While this plays out infinitely, indifferently, badly, or chaotically
I would spend my life searching for that one world, that one life
Where I wake up next to you and you exist to fill in that empty space on my bed

Love & hate are raging inside of me
And this might sound ironic
But theres one thing I regret
is letting you go for the sake of not having to feel the pain you caused me

Thanks for the birthday wishes, melting candles, and agony.

Life feels like playing an acoustic guitar with papercuts on my fingertips

Nostalgia restrings like kites back to you
You've ran out of arrows to shoot me down with and I used to be the string in your bow that held you together
Now I'm just another passing target
you wounded, ****, and left in derelict

Time wraps it's hour hand around my neck, asphyxiating me
While the minute hand runs a dagger of reality through my temple and cuts me open
To spill the real consciousness of time, inside my head
I've been walking around bleeding out
With hope in my heart, pretending that love could last forever

My minds swelling up with thoughts of you
like air balloons in July
I can't help but feel polluted
My heads unraveling, I'm tired, restless, and I'd be lying to myself
If I said I didn't miss your presence
Eventually I'll reach the end of my heights
I'll burst into debri and I hope it decends on you like rain made out of memories
And while you're drowning in my thoughts
my love, I'll say, how beautiful you look drenched in pain.