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Jo Baez Jan 2016
My mind afloat a pool of sadness
as I lay here in my bed on the day of my birth name
Without you by my side
Remember that rainy day ? That storm ? Where we got stuck on the side of the freeway?
I never felt so ******* alive and loved by someone in my life
You probably don't remember but I said I would love you in the future a million times more than in the past

It's sad to say, I still feel exactly the same way
after you said you loved me
while salivating over him and his spit still on your lips and the shame you couldn't admit
Hiding behind your mask made out of sweet nothings, and alibis
as your ghost stands host of my vacant mind

Slit my ******* throat and try to stitch it with the promises you couldn't keep
Cut my ******* heart out and try to make it palpitate with your sympathy
drag me down to hell
So I can cauterize in your wrongdoings
Or throw me up to heaven
so I can asphyxiate in your globs holy ******* greatness
So he can watch me suffocate in love lost and heartaches and feel the greatest pain of all humanity
A broken ******* heart

Ive spend the rest of the year trying to find you in everything
Like hopeless romantic films, sad songs, and aesthetic, melancholy sceneries
Finding excuses to feed my rage
So I can hate you because that's all I have left at the end of my fingers tips

I got a hole in my soul and I wish I was dead, not literally but I feel that way
And as soon as the hands on the clock bend forward to strike 12am
I'm going out of frequency and
You're the only human in the world I wanna see
the only person in all the parallel universes and boundless worlds
Who I wanna be with
No matter Where or why and how many times
I find myself drowning in time
While this plays out infinitely, indifferently, badly, or chaotically
I would spend my life searching for that one world, that one life
Where I wake up next to you and you exist to fill in that empty space on my bed

Love & hate are raging inside of me
And this might sound ironic
But theres one thing I regret
is letting you go for the sake of not having to feel the pain you caused me

Thanks for the birthday wishes, melting candles, and agony.

— The End —