You
I told about
what happened this summer,
about my father,
and his wife.

You
whom I just met,
6 days ago.

You
the guy that
made me feel more comfortable
than my own bed
and pillows.

You
scare me to no end
and

you,
make me happier
than I have
in the last 2 years.

I
don't know the beast's name.
Yet I'm still waking up
in a cold sweat
feeling the spot on my back
where it's teeth sunk in.
Feeling it's breath
slither along my neck
and a paw at my waist.

I
see that smile
when beast shook my hand
how it twists into anger
as I push it off me
and it's paw clasps
around my neck.

I
feel it
trying to enter a door
far to small
to accompany it.
My screams being muffled
by it's paw over my mouth.

I
see it's mate asleep in the bed
next to me

I
am screaming for help
falling on literal deaf ears.
Then there's knick knacks being thrown
and the beast's mate is up
steam coming out it's nose.

I hear those words
"Sorry"
haphazardly thrown from it's mouth
as if scripted
like it knew they were going to
slither out and up my neck
just to stop at my lips
with a smirk.

I
see my phone dialing
sitting in my truck
and
I
don't remember it's name.

It's midnight
and my tear stained cheeks
might as well be canyons
carved by rivers
and it takes all of me
to not want to
rip my beating heart out.

With sleepy eyes
tear stained cheeks
and galaxies in your head
I wonder
If you need me

I wish people with a male figure got fat acceptance posts.
I want posts for my friend
who was so scared to take his shirt off just to swim
he had an anxiety attack.
Or for me when I was a teen
and didn't join swim in highschool
because the thought of people seeing my *******
scared me more than my own happiness.
I want them for my ex
who hated his body so much
we went shopping and he cried in
my embrace for almost 20 minutes.
I want a post that tells people with a male figure that's a 2XL or larger. That they deserve to feel good
even though literally no one designs clothes to fit you
and that people think you're a fat slob
and it's more okay for women to be larger than for you.
That you deserve happiness
and to feel ****.
You deserve someone
and no matter what
you matter.

Before
you were like
all the stars in the sky
that once created a gorgeous
skyline.
Waking up in the middle of the night
was like getting my own show.
You made the nights not so hard
it wasn't a fight against my delusions anymore.
I was just one warm hand hold away
from feeling those lights
and seeing the fireworks.

Now
all the stars had gone out.
Your hands weren't quite warm
and your smile not quite calming.
It was like my defender had left
and everything felt empty.
You blamed everything going on in my life
and I blamed me.
Waking up at night was now a battle between
staying here quietly steaming alone
or
leave and hurt my best friend.
I am no where near that hand
and those fireworks had finished their show.

It’s February now

and

you’re scared.

Anxious of the times ahead 
and of the times behind.

You worry about how you will make it in life

and how you’ll get there.

You’ll be sad but that’s okay

just remember

you’ll be okay