If she is taken for granted
She deserves it...
If she works hard and outshine men
She's a ****!
If she is abused
Her clothes might me the reason...
If she is beaten up
Her behavior might me the reason..
If she's manipulated
She invited it to happen....
If she's sad...
Ofc she's craving attention
If she's is wounded...
She must have done something upto it..
If she's alive someone forgot to **** her i guess!
My girl no one will treat you right until you yourself treat so!
It takes a lot to be a women of success, moral and women of your words!

The way it hurts,
When i have to keep my mouth shut!
They are here, there and everywhere...
They come without knocking..
And leave me indecisive while they are still mocking!
A million of rumors and stories about me run in wild...
My god! Get me rid of this exile!
Everyday is a nightmare...
Even the delusion of their presence gets me scared!
Still i have to keep my mouth shut!
I don't even know what wrong i did to get this hurt!
Feeling struck in a place i never belonged,
Done with getting hell wronged!
It's not like i haven't tried...
I tried! Tried hard for so long
To get along!
To get myself sublime in this place we all belong!
I even tried hard to know the reason for me feeling out of space.....
And i was answered with a stab direct on my face...

And the thing is am not the only one,
There are people like me but they too are done with trusting another one!

Finally falling out of love and making peace fall in my way...!

I miss you....
I miss being myself with you!

To the love i am in...
With the boy having amber skin!
With the eyes that dweel something deep within...
Failing the rarest fine gin!

To the boy i wanna wake up with..
This love story being my favorite myth!!

To the heart that's magnificently bright..
Whose mere presence give me eternal delight!
Who makes me daydream these nights!!

The boy who defines me enough..
Can i define this feeling anything apart from love??

From the pain i held..
To the hope i hold...!
From the darkness that trapped me...
To the truth that crushed my soul!
I was there with all the love i was left with....
And you with just the guilt!
This truth made me stand still...
I waited, and waited a bit more!
Then my heart closed all its door...
From then till now,
I gave whatever i had..
But loving have never been this bad!
We are close
But not close enough...
Insanely far to sum up,
But my heart never gives up..
Here i stand infront of you everyday...
With a hope that you'll love me back someday!!
My soul knows the day won't come...
But this heart still stand by,
It hurts even more as the time passes by!
I know i'll stand again to get hurt...
To get some new wounds and cuts!

What did i do to loose you?
Was it the love i gave
Was it the promises i made
Was it the silence of melachony that bounded us??
Was it the care i never asked for!
Was that my commitment that made you step back.

Move on is a myth!

Let's talk about the truth,
The eternal truth of my life!
I fell for u
I fell hard
I fell deep
Finally i got the perfect man of my life,
Then came an illusion of love in storming loneliness...
I swayed..
Over the grave of my love which had to wait!
I broke you!
Over to that i broke myself too.
And u just disappeared!
We met over our sonnets but never in real..
Thereafter your sonnets didn't apper..
Then he broke me to my soul!!
Over my efforts he made a drastic hole..!!
I lost you and me completely..
But someone else's started loving me deliberately!
Again i tried hard,
I tried deep to love that someone!!
But my heart always knew that u were the only one!!
I can not love
I can not leave
Cause this someone needs me indeed
And i need you...
As i said sonnets don't lie
Eveyday there is a part of me that cries!!
I wish i would have waited
I wish i could see u in real out of your images i've created..
As i said sonnets don't lie
It's been more than an year and your voice is the only thing i wanna hear.

I wish i could unlove you.
I don't wanna write for you,
I don't wanna sigh for you.

I want a conclusion

Either to get you

Or

To forget you.

Out of all the seasons that spring in,
Autumn sets something deep within...
Those fallen leaves and left out scars
Gazing at the way you left for hours;
There is something familiar and soothing...
The winds blowing hard and uprooting.

Do we ever learn to unlove??
Or the process of unloving even exist!??
Isn't it the core truth that we tend to love over and over again and again...
From one "and" another, "and" there after!
Love just takes birth,
It never rests in peace but in pieces..
A divine form of energy that holds on it's persistent existence!
Isn't it the eternal truth that our love can't hurt anyone outside our own body!..
Isn't it the fact that this fire soothes everything outside the owner's soul!

Hope you never get to know this.

I want you to know that i traveled 2000kms crossing 3 states JUST FOR YOU.
I know you don't love me...
I don't know if i love you!
But the way i feel about you is the way i never felt for anyone.
I found my home in your vibe,
I wanted you to be a part of my life.
I don't know if it makes sens to you, to anyone in this **** world...
But i still feel something that dwells deep within my heart
JUST FOR YOU.

I fell soo deeply for his vibe that i traveled this far just in hope of his proximity.
The best part is he never noticed this.
I still miss him.

Save me from myself

I was in vain when i met you,
Don't know why you felt like mine in the que.
Never expected it to get started from a text...
To the funny and a bit romantic day when we met!
You made your way through the closed doors of my heart...
And then you became my integral part!
I feel it more than you felt..
Then these miles gave it an halt!
Sometimes holding it all by myself hurts,
It even makes me question my worth!

But the way you smiled made me addicted to you..
In those 6 acquaintances i started liking myself less compared to an extent i love you.

Can you fall for a voice??
A voice that came from miles apart..
Can you fall for it everyday,
Every minute and every second of your existence???
Can you fall for a shadow??
Can you run behind it even in its complete absence??
Can you turn your life upside down just to hear it in real??
Can you leave your core just to see the one you never saw in real?
Can you explain this madness apart from love?
Can you feel it's absence even when you were never sure about it's existence??

Your absence makes my presence everyday.

To,
A friend i met in the middle of darkest sea,
A friend who held me free..
With whom i shared my core!!
Who promised that we still have our lives together to explore..
The one who stood by my side,
Hiding his pain aside!

The one who punished me with his absence,
Without my consent!!
Holding these faded emotions...
With my heart resolving those numerous questions!!
I still defend you in my mind...
I still wonder why that connection lagged behind?

This time being in love,
I have a lot to sum up.
am loving you in pieces...
From my heart's Detroited crevices!
Every time i try to open up my heart..
It is rendered in many more parts..
Parts that hurts!!
In the depeths of wounds and many more cuts!!
It's like growing up in insecurities again!
It's like loosing myself in a much deeper vain..
Still i am trying to love at my best..
With all the things that hits me hard within loneliness's arrest!

I am breaking my heart before you break mine.

I wish i could tell you the mess of my heart..
I wish i could share my distorted part!
On a verge of this new start,
On the grounds of things that tore me apart.
From the love that knocked my door...
To the distances that messed me even more!
From the past that stood infront of my eyes,
To the present that left me in disguise!
I wish i could love from whole of my heart..
To bend my life to this restart.

you said i never loved you...
what if i don't know how to love??
what if i was never allowed to love??
to love you...
to love myself..
what if i was burning down deep??
what if i was the one who always weep???
they say i was wrong to chose you..
and you were wrong to chose me.
i always tried to prove the first one wrong
and you for the second;
eventually both of us proved all of it right.
i tried to love..
and i was proved wrong all the time.
now not loving anyone in this whole **** word seems right!

The way it goes around,
In these four walls where i am bound...
It's way different from what others can see,
Why can't they just let me be?!
Momentary smiles knock after a million scream!!!
This torment is killing my self esteem!
Every place out of this house feels like home,
Its really hard to stand this all alone!!
Every moment my resilience burn in flames!
As I am paying for that false fame.
Hope feels like another word for illusion..
These walls actually define suffocation!!

Drowning in a bottomless ocean,
Waiting for my end out of this suffocation!!
Counting my breaths everyday..
As something or the other takes remaining of them away;
It's dark and a bit cold out here,
Accompanied by silent screams that comes from nowhere!!
I feel myself growing numb.
I still wonder how i was to what i've become.

Walking just by myself in this dark night;
With no glimpse of those so-called fairy light.
This darkness grows inside out !!
With a million screams in my head that shouts aloud!!
It's way to hard to stand!!
When light by your side meet shadows at the other end.
This night feels colder as i walk through,
As no humanly warmth makes way to me even in the que.
.
I am still standing here for that ray of light,
That never meets my sight.

Feeling worst then ever before!!
With nothing in me left that anyone could ever adore.
Things I put into words are rooted way deeper in my heart!!
Everyday there is something that tears me apart..!
In the race of existence,
Pain is the only thing that's persistent!!
every smile that comes to my face..
Comes with huge adversities to face!!

Standing behind these iron bars,
Holding a million wounds and countless scars..!!
Caged in my own thoughts;
With a constant feeling of distraught!
Unable to face my own face!!
Off-track somewhere while smiling so fake.
Too tired to confront,
Too lost to be awake..
Lost between hallucinations and alive,
With no reason left for me to survive!!

I think we all have some infinity between some else's;
for me my infinity is more infinite than your's
and you may think the other way ...
why do we keep comparing it all the time??
but, we all have one thing in common we don't want to see it finite!!  if some infinity tends to be more infinite then the previous ones;
eventually it put's a limit over the other one making it finite..
the fact is infinity lies between a finite interval!!

you felt i never loved you
what if i don't know how to love
what if i was never allowed to love
to love you
to love myself
what if i was burning down deep
what if i was the one who always weep
they say i was wrong to chose you
and you were wrong to chose me
i always tried to prove the first one wrong
and you for the second
eventually both of us proved all of it right
i tried to love
and i was proved wrong all the time
now not loving anyone in this whole **** word seems right!

Am I the one who's affectionate enough,
Or the one who takes it all as a bluff !!
Am I the one who wants to fly high,
Or the one who wanna wait and give it a sigh;
Am I the chatterbox the way they used to call me..
Or a dead bot the way I feel myself to be!!!
Am I the liveliest of all alive the way 'they' describe;
Or the piece cork which let's everything imbibe!!
Am I the one who holds the limelight;
Or the one who sighs all alone at night!
Am I the one who still wanna feel alive..
Or the one who lost my battle to survive!!

A void still remains.

Waking up with heavy eyes and heavier heart!!
Everyday there is something that makes me fall apart.
Tired of feeling choked amidst of chaos,
& Facing worst of all my bathos!
Life seems soo difficult over death!!
Now it  feels like loosing myself in every single breath!

Holding scars on shallow soul!
Struck in dark loopholes!!
Faking smiles! Behaving the way i am supposed to..
Towards all those adversities I am exposed to.
Waking up with tender eyes,
Loosing myself in disguise!!
Dodging my own self!
Hiding all my emotions in deep shelves!!
Blaming every possible reason for this void,
It's always there, even if I try to avoid.

Becoming something I an not..
Being happy by heart feels too hard than I've ever thought!!

Standing in the middle of these innumerable insecurities..
Still waiting for those fake possibilities!!
Surrounded by all those liars!
Who pretend to be my admirers;
Feeling too low to express..
Too low to introspect!
Loosing everyone I've ever had,
Everyday things grow even bad!!
Too alone to be consoled...
Too exposed to be hated!!
Feeling soo alone,
Amidst of this mess I've created..
Far away from life!
With nothing for me to revive.

Here I'm alone with tears...
Growing silent..numb.. holding all my devastating fears!!

Facing darkest of the dark,
at the verge of loosing my lively spark!
it grows deep and intense everyday...
giving me wounds some or the other way.
something inside me feels incomplete;
may be some of those stories which I never revealed..
STRUGGLING WITH LIGHT AND DARKNESS!!
I've turned myself to mess!
every hope that knocks my door,
messes me up even more.
I still have a lot of things to deal..
things which cant be revealed!!
Growing DARK and COLD,
numb and mould!
everyday someone tries to shape me out,
i've lost myself to these self doubts!
SOMETHING BURNS ME EVERY MOMENT!
that particular burned even my resilience
this holocaust is BURNING ME ALIVE;
it owes my soul to thrive..

I am loosing myself bit by bit,
sec by sec...
EVERYDAY I AM GROWING DEAD.

I still hold a bit of those smiles you shadowed over my face;
                   a bit of that snow;
                   a bit of those memories we shared;
                   a bit of sorrows we had;
                   .
I still hold a bit you!
                   a bit of me with you!
                   .
                   .
                   .
                   .
but not even a single bit of myself...
I lost whole of  myself to you.

Dead is LOVE..
what's alive is HATE!!

Wearing a mask every now and then...
everyday I've got a new role to pretend!
Running for the expectations I am suppose fulfill..
standing over my own will!!
Many a times its terrifying  to be someone I am not..
being a people pleaser  is much more devastating than I've ever thought.
Amidst of this blunder I really don't remember where I lost myself to what I've become...
when 'I had MY PEOPLE' to 'I have none'.
Wasting my emotions over people who are not worth it,
I turned my own self into grit!

here in this space I still  have a regret over the path I paved...  
that led to my own grave!

I never let them know their mistakes...
I never let them know how I feel..
I never let them feel bizarre 'bout themselves..

I try hard not to make them fall apart..
I try hard to make each of them happy in every way I can..
I try hard to hide my wounds and scars given by them..

but

when i find all of this too tough..
when i'm fed up with this stuff..
when i'm discompose..
when their absence makes me feel calm & compose..

I let people go..
I move ahead, all lone and never let them know.

Why it's soo easy to say that I'm okay! even when I'm not!
At amidst of the ocean suffering this drought!
with this heap of emotions that rot!!
suffering kinda adversities i never dreamt of!
inspite of explaining all what's wrong
why It's always preferential for me to drawn?
why am I always abandoned...

For now I've  learned to fake...
holding all my sufferings and still...awake.

Once it was where it meant to be,
now it needs to be set free;

The universe made it happen,
and then our bond slacken;

Light struggled with 'her' shadows...out there!
and then this eternal darkness appeared.

Fed up of smiling so fake!
that smile...holding pain in it's wake,
Being addicted to.. hiding all my emotions..
chocked with all these suffocations..
I never noticed! when it became too hard to breath....
with my soul burning so deep.

Here in this suffocating place!!
sometimes with high at the other with low pace..
with many humiliations! to face,
I owe a path to trace!

waiting for my moment to shine;
for that, all of this is almost fine!
to make all these adversities sublime..
I have an ambition to define!!

Deep down in shadows!
locked in dusky meadows...
Resides a consul;
with no one to console,
grown into a black body!
with silence as embody...
with all what's important;
she'll embrace her omnipotence.