It’s cold outside. Too cold to be considered a typical day in Florida. The night sky plays a familiar lullaby that surrounds my broken spirit and carries me home. The clouds are breaking apart into a pattern of transition and dissolution. I close my eyes and imagine my energy bouncing off the atmosphere of cosmic infernos and leading me to a new destination full of happiness and serene promises. The stars giggle at my naivety and shove me back towards the earth. I frown and try to grasp the Milky Way, but my hands frolic among nothingness and the moon light blinds my crying eyes. I begin to fall and images of regret and pain crowd my foggy brain. Not everything you see is what it seems, whispers The Moon.

Today, the sun light rays tickled my face and I felt the warm light illuminate my soul. I closed my eyes and imagined the sun was my mother, wrapping me in her warmth and keeping me safe. It’s tiny moments like this that allow me to appreciate the fragility and beauty that is around me. Even though the sun only showed her face to me for a few brief minutes, it was a sign that happiness was to come. I smiled and waved as she snuck behind the fluffy clouds and in this moment, I felt like I was a child again.

Dear You,

I guess I have to accept the fact that one day you'll kiss different lips. I guess I have to accept that one day, you'll meet someone new and I will fade from your mind. You'll unfollow me on Instagram, or some petty **** like that, and at that time, I'll know that you have forgotten about me. I know I should move on. I won't lie. I've kissed other men, but none compare to you. They don't care like you did. They don't ask me what my favorite pizza is or where my parents grew up. They don't ask me what I think about love or if I ate today. The good morning texts are now long gone and I just want things to go back to the way they were.  I'm sorry if I rushed things. I'm new to this whole single life and to be honest, life was so mundane before you entered into it. You became a gleam of hope and a ray of sunshine on my soft pale skin. Thank you for showing me what happiness is and can be. It was short-lived, but I will always remember you. I will always have a special place in my heart just for you. You created such high expectations for the next guy, that I am afraid I won't find anyone to meet them.
I wish it was you. I would've waited. I am patient. That's not putting my life on hold; you were worth it. I want to apologize for words that may have upset you or pushed too far. I want to stop crying. I want to get you off my mind. I don't know how. Can you tell me how you did it? Can you tell me how to move on like you did? Can you honestly say my name and see my face, and not feel an ounce of pain? I was falling for you. You kissed me and I felt electricity. You will always be the one that got away. It's true. You made me feel so beautiful.
I wish you so much happiness. You deserve the best. Please never settle. Find someone who loves everything about you. Find someone who supports your work and pushes you to do better. Find someone who has your sense of humor. Find someone who loves you just the way you are. I want that for you-more than anything, even if it can't be me. Find someone, that when you kiss her, you forget I even existed.
I'm forgetting what your voice sounds like and I miss your laugh the most. I still think about you before bed and when I wake. The sun doesn't seem so lovely to me right now. I don't smile on the drive to work anymore. It's not your fault. We met at the wrong time. You were always very open and honest with me. I'm just mad I guess. I'm mad at myself for allowing my heart to fall so deep.


And
I'm
Sorry.


Love,
Ash **

I look at him across the dinner table as he runs his hands through his long hair. ****. I don't think I have witnessed such a beautiful creature such as him before. He pulls his skinny jeans up over his briefs. I melt in pure bliss. He sings to me as he drives us to the beach. I laugh and let the city lights embrace my smile. Is this what happiness feels like? He pushes me up against the railing and kisses me. The air is cold. I wrap my arms around him and bite his ear. He liked when I was nasty. He lights his blunt and inhales deeply. I'm in and out of sleep. He crawls in bed and hands me his shirt to wear. I inhale his pillow and wrap my legs around his blanket. I could stay in this bubble moment forever.


POP.

Where are you supposed to go when no place feels like home?
How are you supposed to fall in love, when no one can **** your mind like you want them to?

I find myself in this dilemma quite often.

I look for love in the unknown.

Locked eyes in a coffee shop.
Brushing hands while reaching for the same fruit in the grocery store.
When the car blinker in front of me, matches mine at the exact same pulse.
Laughing at the same joke in a crowd of people.
Vibing to the beat at a concert.

I refuse to look for love online.

I want to find little love moments like that around me, in real life, and never let them go.

Love will find me when I am ready.

Did you know?
In the state of Florida, you can do “same-day” divorce.
In one day, our marriage was dissolved.
8 months later and I am still trying to scrub you off my skin.

I’ve never understood **** pictures.
I read an article once that said women who post pictures with makeup on, means they are more likely to ****.
I don’t know about you, but that ******* disgusts me.
What do I do with a **** photo?
I cringe and stare and then delete it because it makes me feel uneasy.
In a world full of men with readily to send **** pictures, well, it scares me.
I want a gentleman.
**** my mind, then maybe down the road, ill ask for one of your saved ***** photos.

I love myself.
From my skinny legs
To my short hair.

I loved you.
For your vocabulary
To your laugh.

You loved me.
For my humor
And my personality.

Now you’re gone.
And I’m trying to love myself
All over again.

Before you, I realized I had never kissed someone with green eyes before. I’m not entirely sure why I remember that minuscule characteristic about you. Maybe because no one has ever looked at me the way you have.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

I’m not supposed to live in this city. "But where to?", I ask the moon at night. He laughs and then smiles directly at me. Shining his bright light upon my acne-ridden face." Don’t cry, my child", the moon says..."for the universe has a path of certainty for you and I will light the way."