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  Dec 2014 AnActualToaster
kaitlyn
that's the time the clock reads
when i am desperately trying to sleep
my eyes burn and my throat is closing, oh how i hate myself
i hate myself for allowing you to come into my mind and rip out the parts that used to shine
it's 9:03 and i am wishing to finally be free
  Dec 2014 AnActualToaster
oni
and i realized today
how much effort it takes
to love me

because when i do not
love myself
you have to love me
enough for two people
Let us write a song to right the wrongs
To wash our sins away.
Let us sing it out, let all free
Because this is me!
I admit, I am a sinful person
I admit, I have a lot of flaws!
I admit, to having bad conversation
And to breaking a few laws.
But who are you to deem me evil?
Who are you to point me out?
We are all just digging our own graves until we can’t climb our way out!
So no! (No!)
I won’t bow to this world.
Let my flaws shine like stars.
So no! (No!)
I’ll present my evil
And give you cause
Cause what is your reward?!
For ripping out our hearts?
Are you payed a whole lot?
I bet you’re paid a whole lot!
I have nothing to spare
And is God even there?
Cause I’m forced make it myself
I’ll never make it myself….
Where is the sympathy?
For leaving us no place to start
Watching as we slowly fall apart
We are youth in a nation that is never truly free
We are born in a country where there is no sanity
So please! Please set us free
This world is evil…
And so am I.
I’ll lie right to your face
And won’t feel an ounce of regret.
You stabbed me in the back, now feel my pain
Because once I am done, you’re likely to go insane!
So no! (No!)
I won’t bow to this world.
Let my flaws shine like stars.
So no! (No!)
I’ll present my evil
And give you cause
Cause what is your reward?!
For ripping out our hearts?
Are you payed a whole lot?
I bet you’re paid a whole lot!
I have nothing to spare
And is God even there?
Cause I must make it myself
I’ll never make it myself….
So no! (No!)
I won’t bow to this world.
Let my flaws shine like stars.
So no! (No!)
I’ll present my evil
And give you cause
Cause what is your reward?!
For ripping out our hearts?
Are you payed a whole lot?
I bet you’re paid a whole lot!
I have nothing to spare
And is God even there?
Cause I must make it myself
I’ll never make it myself….
Falling for a demon boy
No shock from a silver tongue girl
But is it worth it to be his toy?
And feel my own world begin to whirl?
He is of lust, yet I am of love
And his eyes and my heart may get along
But the voices from above
Tell me this is all so wrong
I knew I'd fall if he called may name, asking for me back.
But what is it that makes me feel cold? What is it that my heart may lack?
I fear that he will leave me, break my heart again
And watch as I die of a broken heart, and see my own story end.
What is it about this demon boy, that I love so much?
I can't explain it at all, because I know it is more than lust.
It isn't all about his looks, even though he does have charm.
It's not that he's my hero, because he has caused me harm.
Maybe it is that darkness, in which I seem to know.
For I seem more afraid of the light than the dark.
Just as I fear summer and enjoy the winter snow.
I would never swim with fish, but I'd prefer the shark.
Always on the dark side, always in misery.
For misery loves me and my company.
Maybe this boy is Misery, that is just his secret name.
And all of my feelings, to him is just a game.
For how am I to know trust? When he will hardly speak my name
More concerned with calling me territory than treating me at least human.
Maybe this love is where the happiness will end and my life of dedication to him will begin.
"you okay?"
"no, i'm close to tears,
i'm close to a breakdown,
an anxiety attack.
i'm exhausted.
i'm falling apart
so ******* quietly
that you can't hear.
I want to scream,
god, I just want you to know.
I just can't tell you."

"i'm kinda tired, that's all"
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