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Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2022
I'm consistently looking for answers
Feel need to understand
This is not a life I've dreamt
Far from what I planned
In black and blue sight is drenched
Each sound is monotone
Surrounded by people or by myself
Feel just as alone
But there is no one besides me to blame
Responsible for my tears
Storms created by own hands
I can't make them disappear
Your voice calms rainfall
Only effective source of power
The once-torrential downpour
Nothing more than moderate shower
I miss planet bursting with color
Vibrant hues have went dim
No matter which direction looked towards the future
Every avenue is bleak and grim
I do not know how to fix everything
I'm unsure of where I went wrong
Weeks blur together
Spiral the drain
Days not lasting long
Your words give hope to hold onto
Clutch them during the coldest nights
I can't tell what is real or not
Making it hard to focus on the light
I heard best is yet to come
But finding it difficult to agree
Every cloud overhead is grey
Silver linings impossible to see
Feeling some type of way right now
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2022
When will you start showing me respect?
Sick of being put down
How can I feel welcome in a place
Where it is clear I'm not wanted around?
A moment of peace all I want
Chaos surrounds every day
You are center of it all
The aggressive words you say
Families supposed to show love
You just show level of disgust
Unhappy with my behavior
Incapable of giving trust
What can I achieve to make you proud?
Each time I try I fail
Impossible getting back on track
In fact fear we will derail
You complain about the state of things
Nothing I do ever appears to be right
When I sit still and do nothing at all
That becomes one more reason to fight
Your insecurities projected on us
You are too stubborn to see
Picking apart my character
Convinced the problem is me
But if fault is really mine
Why am I not the only one?
Friction found in every conversation
Battles never done
I try making you understand
I'm not strong enough to break through
In these confrontations
Common denominator is you
But you are so quick to blame everyone else
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2022
I know I make you suffer because you remind me all the time
As if yelling words helps me over this mountain that I climb
For a moment why don't you put yourself in my shoes?
Sure if roles were reversed it'd be a different life you'd choose
I want you to be satisfied with me the way I am
And wish you could see that I actually do give a ****
I care about opinion more than you realize
Not able to escape the crushing disappointment in your eyes
Well at least you have made your point crystal clear
Cut ego down daily then have the nerve to say I'm wanted here
I would walk out
Have nowhere else to go
I get high yet somehow still feel just as low
My pillow wet from tears almost every night
Zero point in arguing because you believe you are always right
I wake every morning hating myself more
Isn't your fault but you escalate the war
Internal conflict my ever present curse
Battling with you only makes everything worse
Chasing unrealistic dreams like dog after their tail
Subconsciously aware I am doomed to fail
I wish for once you could take a chance and put some faith in me
Allow room to make mistakes even if you disagree
I know how you feel so there's no need to rub it in
Deragatory remarks remain etched into my skin
I hope someday I will find the strength to rise above
Conquer demons
Discover the parts of me you unconditionally love
Trust when I say I wish I was different just as much as you
It's not that easy to change simply because you want me to
I love you when you make me feel so very bad
And apologize for the countless times I have caused you to be sad
No matter what we go through you will forever be my mom
In the future we can both work on staying calm
I'd corrall moon and stars for you if I thought it would make your smile last
You can't enjoy the present when you're caught up in the past
We wear the same size
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2021
Loneliness steadily chisels away my soul
Colder each moonlit night
Where heart was located is now just a hole
Empty bed without love will never feel right
But where has it moved to?
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2021
They say it's mind over matter...

What do you do when you've already lost your mind?
I just thought this up and feel pretty genius right about now haha
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