I feel like I am living in a shell.
The words "you don't belong here"
are constantly being echoed back
by my limits.
Things that seem to go natural
with everyone around me
are a lot harder in this shell.
With every inhale of life I take
comes an exhale of desperation to live
and not knowing how to.
It deceived me into thinking
it kept me safe but all this time
it has been what was holding me back.
I see that now
but the words keep echoing in my head
youdontbelonghereyoudontbelonghereyoudontbelonghere

Break­ing out of my shell was never an option
I can not survive without it.
But I do want to leave it
and everyone
and everything
I do want to leave.

I still don't know
how much of us
was real

Can scuttle shade to shade,
A bolting spider
Bringing back the day
My father died
So unexpectedly?

April 2nd,
April 2nd,
Twice
And down again
And scurrying unseen
To thrice.

How is it Time
Can simultaneously,
Throb slowly on
From troubled day
To troubled day,
An angling worm,
Obstinately crawling
Through stubborn clay?

I miss those late nights
where we would cuddle all night.
And I mostly just miss you,
**** I miss you.
I'm sad
and you're happy with another.

There are few things I love in life

And you are one of few.