And I look at you and I just smile.
I grin from ear to ear.
But my heart.
My heart is crying rivers.
I trained my eyes.
So that they won't shed a tear.
This way you can't notice my pain, my sorrow and my doubts.
This way I can keep it to myself.
Keep it all close in my chest.
So that you.
You will see me,
And you will look at me and I will just smile.
I will grin from ear to ear.
Everyday.

I am defective
but I am striving
to improve my self
into my ideal self.

I am flawed
but I am striving
to correct my self
into my ideal self.

I am unhappy
but I am striving
to improve my self
into optimal
joy and happiness.

I like getting F’d up
Or maybe I’m just F’d up
I never thought about the simple things in life
I like when my mind roams
It’s like a field of blue roses with thorns that cut you by the glare
I never thought about the gentle things in life
I like when my toughness shows
It’s like a bee hive with thick honey
Guess who’s the Queen?

I always liked attention.
Intimate attention.
Acknowledge me attention.
Maybe I lacked self appreciation.
Maybe I lacked the attention.
I always liked you.
The not so funny you.
The save me you.
Maybe you lacked me.
Maybe you lacked attention.

the oscillation of anger and you
frequents my day my night
my fuel injected gut muscles
my rocking back and forth rhythm
and limbs that squirm and writhe
-pause to drink-
hit and wrestle this day down
and it is up again flinging desire
and **** you where are you
all over the moon and the sun
and this desert of and this desert of
-pause to drink-
enough of my brain leaps out at a thigh
nails on a red table cloth snag moments cause chills
powers flow through my thoughts and laugh
the laugh of old certainty on new foolishness
i am renewed in my stupidity of aim vs landing
vibrating rattles clanking down some mountain cliff
-pause to drink-
keeping keeping keeping
arms in hands close parallel to myself
not, in this case, me not in this case anyone
is grinning and gripping and grinding steps
and you are out there circling something            
with something lit and sizzling ahead no matter ahead
-pause to drink-
i am behind the sound has moved on banging