Ever catch yourself
caught between
the light and dark?

Has the stark contrast
blinded you, both
from lack of
and abundance of
luminescence.

Ever rounded a night corner
and prayed that the road
materialises beyond you;
that it follows the path
the very way you
imagine it?

And have you ever felt utterly ALIVE in that
frantic millisecond of uncertainty?

I have.

"Always become the one being hurt
Rather than ever hurting another"
Words I have strived to live by
The philosophy left by my mother

I've always tried to live my life
Standing up for what is right
Helping others no matter the cost
Being everyone's shining knight

What a horrible way to live

Even when I was on the verge of breaking
Even when the burden seemed too large
I always took it onto myself
And it was always free of charge

They all need to pay

But lately there is this voice
Echoing from the back of my mind
That is always fighting to take over
It wants to punish the unkind

Maybe I don't want to forgive

Tell me who is that inside me
Those thoughts can't be my own
Even when there's no one around
Somehow I am not alone

Just let me come out and play

I'm trying to keep it at bay
Am I past the point of no return?
I JUST WANT THE VOICE TO GO AWAY
But.... *Now....it's my turn

I am the quill;
fleeting and energetic.
You are the consistent
flowing ink.
Your color knows
not of bounds.
In the inkwell we dance
You enveloping me.
Me, steeped in you.
Alone, we are but
pointed feather
and darkness.
Together, our stories
emerge from curved letters
on old, worn pages.

I look down at the arcs of white;
at the tattered bows which skirt my fingernails.
They signal the very edge of my extremities.
Each one with unique imperfections
owed to the muck and dirt lodged underneath.
They're hideous; soiled and grotesque from
digging deeper into my love affair with mortality -
my lust for the knowledge of what happens
when we are 6 feet below sun-lights' reach.