I.
I,
I can't do anything to change myself.
I,
I have blood running in my veins.
I,
I have dreams.
I,
I have feelings.
I,
I have problems I can't solve.
I cry.
I laugh.
I write.
I'm real.
I'm just one of many.
Just something in the world.
But I'm me and that's what it really matters*.

Twisted sheets, mind on stutter
Unable to sort through this midnight clutter
Put it away for tomorrow
But what to do with my gnawing sorrow?
I circle soft blue on color book pages
Hoping the repetition eventually assuages
The raw edged reality of lonely dark hours
Filling the void with Crayola flowers

Three words changed my life.
And no, they weren't "I love you".
Because my life it's not a fairytale not even a movie.
Is simply the reality.
And it's because of that that these words changed my life.
They made me cry,
They made me change.
Change to something better,
Something that doesn't have to be abandoned.
Something that is me now.
Just something.
The worst part of all this it's that it was you who said this words,
The same you that said "I love you" so many times.
The same you that promised things that couldn't do.
But I believed you anyways.
I believed in your words.
Until I forgot them all in that Saturday morning,
With just three words.
"I am going."

Never been there.
Can't talk about it much.
I've seen shadows on the wall.
Crying faces in my dorm hall.
I've seen reflections of friends
in the communal toilet while they Puke-TSD.
Can't talk about it much.
It's not a subject I like to touch.
Never been there.
Never talking like I've seen it all.
They have. Ask them what it's like to fall
down and check your face for scrapes
and have other people put band-aids
on your ***. ("Oops, my mistake!")
Or better yet, don't.
Don't ask me.
Don't ask them.
They can talk.
I've never been.

If they ask, you can answer with the voice of a friend.
But don't ask. Don't reopen the PTSDen
of pain and the past. Just listen if they ask.
Have some ******* courtesy till then.

I think you're very inspiring and beautiful and I pray to God that there never comes a day where you don't see that.

She breathes
Constellations straight into my lungs.
She leaves
Stars fizzing gently on my tongue.

inside of the inside out
or outside looking in
inside i have no doubt
but outside its within

kept out, right side in
what is it all about?
doesn't start until i begin
to let the inside out