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Kevin Seiler Nov 2023
Walking down the edge of a moonlit beach
I feel the cool sands shifting beneath my feet

Father once warned me to stay clear of the sea
But I’m already drowning, what difference is it to me?

The breeze runs through my hair.
I hear the crashing of waves, and smell salt in the air.

I walk slowly to the waters edge, ankle deep in the tide.
The waters wash against my skin and send chills down my spine

It’s but gentle reminder, of what is to come - and my only escape, from the things that I’ve done.

I’m up to my neck now, and there’s no turning back
The moonlight fades out and my vision goes black

I feel a sigh of relief as I release my last breath
And let the seas take me, into the darkest of depths.
Kevin Seiler Dec 2017
I would douse every memory of you in gasoline.

I would torch every photo, every tangible item that reminds me of you.

I would curse your name, choking as my lungs filled with acrid smoke.

I would burn this place to the ground.

I would die amongst the flames along with our love. Just to haunt the ashes of what once was.

I would do this.....if I thought it would mean a ******* thing to you.
All these things I said I would do
are catching up to me
and it seems like laziness is adhesive
keeping me stuck in this chair
but really it's what's within
that's keeping me from
doing all those things I said I would do,
so now I just feel guilty when
I sit down at the end of the day
to stare at monitors and play
stupid redundant games
just like I've been doing
for my whole ******* life

There's a way to break this cycle
and it's as easy as just ******* doing
all those things that I said I would do
The routines come.

But they come silently,
and they slither,
and they crawl,
and they sneak into our lives
one inch at a time,
hiding in those missing minutes and seconds,
hidden in hours and days lost to the hubris
of our own sense of youth and permanence.

And all the time we've wasted is held so high,
high up above our heads,
just out of our reach,
just a whisper of familiar texture on our fingertips,
as we dance upon our tippy toes,
as our arms slowly tire
of trying to reach what we once held so easily,
as we look back on the shadows
stretched out behind us
overtop of our ever-lengthening timelines,
and we realize that time is indeed passing
and that the golden memories are just that,
and these stolid routines that we never noticed
aren't making any new ones.

The routines will come,
but ****** be if I'm going to sit idly by
and let them willingly take me.
Kevin Seiler Oct 2016
Look at you, growing so fast.
I would not actually know though.
Because our time together only one day, did it last.

I know you're happy, with your mom, and your dad.
I hope that you get everything you wish for.
They were really great people so I'm sure it can't be bad.

One day, if you find me, I'll explain to you why.
Why you were given away, the day you were born.
Now, 5 years later, I sit on my tailgate and cry.
I think about all the days since, that have passed me by.
But I know it's for the better, for you and for I.
Happy Birthday Son, I'll always love you.
Kevin Seiler Oct 2016
Heart pounding
Hands shaking
Blood boiling
Eyes bloodshot
Adrenaline rush

The greatest high.
Was going to crash, in glorious fashion

Did I know then?
That I was headed for a dead end.
A piece from the future to myself in this moment
Kevin Seiler Oct 2016
The coffee is strong this morning
The sun   shines through the blinds, blinding
They're both telling me to get up and do something today
But I can't work, so I'm just staring at a sun-glared screen
Wishing I had someone to share the morning with
Maybe they wouldn't mind the bold coffee
Maybe they could stand in front of the blinds
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