The first time they said I was suicidal
It hurt much
Felt like  a lost kid
Thought my last minutes  were seconds to go
It hurt much
Tears couldn't well up
Words couldn't form
Honestly truth hurts

The first time they said I was suicidal
Already saw it coming though
The smile hid much than they could see
Cried on the silent nights
Whispered  wishes to my love
Held onto the pillar he built

The first time they said I was suicidal
Felt like second to me
Plus the nights spend pleading for a new world
A world with a no-human logo
When I held a knife to my dear-chest and thought this is it....

The first time they said I was suicidal
Pinned a key on a kids head
Wasn't scared of the pain caused,
The blood shed reminded of how suicidal I was
Second after my own suicide  thoughts

The first time they said  I was suicidal....
Wasn't that big of word
Wasn't that small of expression
Took the blame
What if I cut my ankle twice just to see red?
What if the smile means keep off?
What if I was really suicidal?

The first time I was suicidal....
I wasn't suicidal
If we could find the 'blame'
Only if we could, then anger would it be?

@taytay

Everyone  I love goes away,
What I have become,
My sweetest dead rose in the midst of a flower season,
Blending in- mixture of confusion,
Real ones ain't of first sights,
Fake ones.. Their smiles coat it all,
In this black hole without ending,
You trip and only till you drawn,
Cause everyone you love goes,
Always tripping  on the dark side of life,
It's all sugar coated fake

Education  has changed her,
After all it's  its  aim to anyone
Or everyone,
Instead of the castle she needs,
a penthouse is build in her,
Education  has given her a degree,
Instead she needs an exploit,
Exploit of talent or a different  path...
She wants to live a different  life,
Still education  doesn't allow,
Education  has changed her,
In a positive  way to people's ego,
Though negative  to her universe,
They say learning builds you,
Or what is done today determines tomorrow,
She doesn't wanna be,
The she she is today...

You know that you're falling,
When your breathe becomes hectic,
Or the blood that flows through  you....
Doesn't appreciate  it's path,
When your heart breaks it's record
Rejecting the science laws,
You know that you're hitting a rock,
When you fall you in love deeply,
En' you're scared of letting go,
But when falling you don't see it,
People's  words become useless,
En' when you fall,
You know that you knew it before.

Do you miss me like I do?
Do you cry at the thought of those days?
Do you regret having met me?
Does it hurt when one mentions my name?
I'm told you're not worth tears,
But how  do I stop them
It's so strange how someone mends a shattered  heart,
Breaks it again, like its nothing,
Someone  you knew so much,
Becomes a stranger to you,
The most painful part is...
How do I tell my friends that you left,
Without reason,
How do I stop missing my past,
When trust was not an issue,
Cause I'm scared of crashing again,
I'm scared of meeting  new people,
I'm scared of moving on,
The past feels better than my future,
But I can't blame anyone
When I gave the chance,

They say in my generation,
A Bob is worth popularity,
Worth a bride or groom,
Worth two kids and lots of trips,
They say in my generation,
Jail is not a word....
In a rich mans tongue,
But how?
How couldn't  I see that you found my money,
How couldn't  I see...
Money  can't buy joy but heartbreaks,
I've never thought of my  signature,
On a divorce  script,
Let's blame fate though,
Cause  karma is a *****!
Gain in sunrise, lose on sunset,
Though  I promised heaven,
Hell exists too,
They say whats meant for you,
Will always find its way back,
I'm done waiting too,
This is my heartfelt final note,
Before the divorce sign off...

When I say I'm rich,
I don't have to have a coin on me,
When I say that I drive,
Doesn't mean I got a car on me,
But when I say I own property...
Don't find for 'mine' house,
Don't look at my clothes and laugh,
Or my unleashed  talents,
Neither my wishes that swing on that shooting  star,
So why can't you look into me,
Smile and admire,
In that standard working ego,
See...
No one gets into a sleepless mourny night,
Wakes up and scowls to the sun,
So I'll look richer in my broke days,
Cause depression is some hidden ninja,
Only you can see!

I don't  understand  why....
I keep waiting  for you,
I keep staring for a call,
On the usual sidewalk,
At least your glimpse,
It keeps bruising me,
But I can't refrain,
I can't!
I hope for some small talk,
I hope for honesty,
I hope and hope and still hope
And keep  hoping till I bleed,
I still don't get it....

It's there but we can't notice it,
Eating up solidary minds,
Ain't empty...
Though full of answers,
Makes feel alone even in a crowd,
People call him "nerd",
Though they know it.....
Speech is silver,
Silence is golden,
Makes feel the untouchable,
He smiles but screams his soul out,
Determination,power, ambitions, courage,
Live in the grave of words to him,
So he's writing out silence,
Cause words from from the heart are hard,
But from the soul are harder,
Silence feels like the right mask,
Always golden!

Look into my eyes,
Tear and fear lives in me,
Sense of love has lost its meaning,
They said it on that day,
Rest in Peace from the loads of this world,
Was I the load?
Every night behind the large screens,
In a folded ball,
Crying with heaviness in me,
I miss the feeling of your lips on my forehead,
Why did you choose to leave me…?
Every day, mom dad I need you,
Touch my skin,
Feel the hungry days I’ve had,
They say I’m an orphan’ who are they anyway?
I’m a lost kid,
Seeking for acceptance…
A kiss on the forehead before a nap,
Tell me that you love me’
Tell me that I’m a kid like any other,
Remembering that day as though it’s today…
You turned solid and lost hope,
For us and our future’
The shadow of you is gone,
Though second chances exist. ☺