God damn it felt good on the days you were happy to see me. Once I thought I heard you sing me a love song, and meant it, but I guess I was mistaken. I've been trying to fill these empty spots, so my heart would no longer have to hear you leave me. For all the ghosts that waltz in my bedroom, this is for the time we tried to break our walls. If you ever want to know what it felt like when you left, just ask. I'll try to hold back my pain like a shotgun shell, but don't hold it against my love when his finger slips, he just gets so nervous every time you're around him. And I didn't mean to explain myself, but I've been having knife fights with my emotions, and cutting out wind instruments since the moment you left. If you've ever wanted to know how it felt when you left, just look at my eyes. That's not holy water you see but a man letting his emotions free.
What I feel are rivers filled
with droplets made of life.
over stone and wears
away through mountains,
lakes are memories
met by rivers
states of mind
will I flow through?
and how many times?
How deep will I let it go before
it becomes so dark
that I can't see
feeling the brushing of her eyelashes,
they're stroking his face,
once were wet with tears,
now strokes of thick set mascara,
as next to him she bathes,
she tickles his face with those lashes,
teasing his emotions,
proceeding to hold his face in her hands,
an element of control,
injected only by her steamy fingers,
she's whispering in a taut voice,
"you will love me, I swear you will".
Her fixed china smile,
it's painted in place,
as flesh coloured eggshell,
with slight tint of rouge,
almost a puppet,
He tries to smile,
responds only by snatching her cheeks,
and he replies to her remarks," I would so love to love you back."
but ,baby, I swear I just can't"
Chasing each moment,
as a pendulum swings on and on.
Dancing in the flight
of a sensitive mystery.
When the light switches on,
I stand there frozen.
An emotive string flows
through me and throughout.
The laws of unrequitement
damper all the smiles.
The flaws of each entity,
tear my soul thin as ice.
I know what must be done,
but can't bring myself
to let go.
that book you never read the ending of,
or even if the last page was read,
it was a cliff-hanger of myth.
that desire to call, but you were too afraid,
despite the constant need to redeem yourself,
it was almost too tense for your heart.
that kiss you never attempted to place on lips,
those lips now haunt you for eternal life,
it was & still is a bold mistake.
that ''I love you'' you never could speak of,
out of fear of rejection & bitter truths,
it was your greatest mistake of all.
I miss the sound of his laugh
And being the reason for his smile
I miss his 3am texts
And midnight eyes
I miss how his kiss tasted like an explosion
And how his arms felt like home
I miss the sound of my name coming from his lips
And how he said I love you
But I don't miss loving him