Hiding the hurt, hiding the pain
Hiding the tears that fall like rain.
Saying I'm fine , when I'm anything but,
This ache In my soul rips at my gut.
My skin is on fire, I burn from within
The calm on my face is an ongoing sin.
The world must stay out, I've built up a wall
My fragile lie will collapse should it ever fall.
Loneliness consumes me, it eats away the years
Until my life is swallowed by unending fears.
Waiting for someone to see I wear a mask
And care enough to remove it, is that too much to ask?
Some are confused as to how depression works.
It's not like you can flat out see a person who's struggling with it.
They don't wear signs on their foreheads declaring it to the world,
Or scream it up and down the streets.
Often times, it's the person sitting right in front of you.
Smiling and laughing and cracking jokes.
The one that's always the first to ask how you're really feeling.
The one who will sit with you in silence,
Or let you scream to them your frustrations.
The one who will give you a shoulder, an ear, a hug, anytime you need it.
The one who is always there, and never judging.
People don't often see their pain, because they've become so good at hiding it.
So they keep smiling too big,
and laughing too long,
and letting people soak their shoulders with their salty tears.
Depression targets the ones that feel too much,
until they feel nothing.
. What can you do, fight being you?
Who can I be, if I'm not being me?
Where can I go if I don't belong home
Where can i turn when I feel so alone.
I cannot confide, I have too much to hide
I cannot push further what's deep down inside, I protect you from me and the troubles I bring I won't weigh you down I won't let you drown.
I will not let you share the worries that I bear, I will not let you see, the cracked doll that is me.
I am choking, on the things left unsaid;
I am drowning, in their dread.
Smothered by the weight of my own tongue;
Coating my larynx, begging to be wrung.
My breath, stifled by unwritten letters draining into my esophagus;
Strangled words, using my body as their sarcophagus.
That one day, when I'm stronger, I'll find the courage to excavate.
Until then, I'll slowly ,asphyxiate.
The cracks in your story are illuminated within reason
And your truths are so transparent
Even I can see beyond the void
And past the screen you hold up to hide behind
Sunsets have no need to hide beauty
Nature basks in truth
It is only mere man that wanders aimlessly
Wanting a place where his truth is hidden
Come I beg
Drown me in your desire for a life less meaningless
Oh how I desire it more my friend
And how the sunsets beauty no longer sets me free from my suffering
Hearts are fragmented, crumbled and left to scatter on the breeze
Your scars are unique
And I my friend will trace with my finger tip along each one
Like a dot to dot
And you will show me your truths
You have tried to stay hidden
But I'm sorry you have failed
There are a few
We are special
We are unique
Maybe we are your scars made into reality
Maybe we are your madness running wild
Write a story of unburdened love
Created an art piece
Before it crumbled
What was it that you desired?
Who were you portraying before you lost self to the breeze?
You may like to believe my friend that transparency does not exist
That your not made of glass
That you will not break
But break we must at the end of every day
So that tomorrow in sunrise the sharp edges may morph and surrender
Once more hiding within
The man excapes into the sunrise too fearful
And yet does not realise
The truth before his own eyes*
There it was
In my head
Screaming at me
Wishing I was dead
Between the pages
I learned to live again
Be somewhere other
Than the wasteland
In my head
I learned to be a princess
A brilliant fool
Anything but what was actually true
Grew chameleon skin
To flicker better
Between character to character
Just like the weather
All to forget the truth of what
Lingered within my head
It was fun playing perfect
Being everyone's art
But things started to get hazy
When cracks began to part
My body became numb
I let fingers crawl all over
Payment to get anyone
To glue me back together
But I couldn't really run
Nothing could blot out its stead
Unbeknownst to me
I never had been free
From the temptation to be dead
Preying on my head
So I buried in words harder
Trusting the denial
Pretending to be anything else
Must be a new character
Couldn't really just be me
The fingers grabbed harder
And I hungrily let them still
If my flesh became shredded
What would be left to kill?
Yet determination was stronger
Than my bloodlust to murder me
It only left me screaming
Left me lonely
Left me in dread
From the death taking residence
Inside my pretty head
Our character knew
She could not live such asunder
The death would win
If she did not change her color
Through wretched teeth
And fierce blows of power
The foolish, brilliant princess warrior
Refused to lose her mental tower
Through years of war
She won the rights to herself again
And with her mighty sword led
Away the demons
Inside her head
And now the tale halts
Where the chameleon begins to change
A lovely new form
One haphazard and so strange
Its a visage mixed of all
The characters played before
Yet now the skin's unmoving
And the parts become a whole
The fingers are only one
And soft and loving to touch
And pills and words are now used
For good instead of a crutch
The death has hissed its final roar
The reader final quits
They keep on reading stories
But they do not negatively benefit
Its more at peace
But still a clustered composure
Within the head
Of a happy dreamer much bipolar