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Meraki Feb 2021
Empty stares and glazed eyes,
dragging my feet walking to the tub.
Stripping down to my bare self,
helplessness washes over me.
I don't want to see what I've done to me,
the scars, fresh marks,
the guilt, shame, pain,
these wash over as I dip into
my memories.
Meraki Sep 2023
Beautiful things don’t ask for attention.
Exuding an aura, drawing astonishment out around them.

Beautiful things live in a world of their own.
Viewing life as a spark, leaving just as quick as it came.

Beautiful things feel stuck behind the glass.
Watching, being watched.

Beautiful things wish to be ordinary.
Fitting into their environment, not special.

Beautiful things want to be loved.
Hoping to gain a sense of belonging, a home.

Beautiful things will find their place someday.
Until then, they will exist as they are, changing for nothing but themselves.
Meraki Dec 2021
Christmas isn’t about being happy.
Christmas is being grateful for the people who’ve stuck around for the ride…




Even if they get off at the next stop.
Meraki Sep 2020
Drowning,
Sinking,
Pockets of air
Disappearing.
Sinking,
Further and further into
The deep cold sea.
Light darkens
Inhaling ocean salt,
Everything burns,
her insides are screaming,
Pleading to be let go,
Frantic antics,
Jerking,
Trying to stay,
Her gaze glosses over,
Tranquility is where she is.
The roaring ocean
Now silent.
Currents bringing her
Back to the briny air.
Her once olive face,
Now pale.
Frosted lips,
Lifeless eyes,
Limp features.
The pain is gone,
Overcome with peace
She gets to rest,
Floating along
The currents of the sea.
Meraki Mar 2022
Goodbye to the life I had
Goodbye to the happiness I never found
Goodbye to the sadness I couldn't seem to escape
Goodbye to the future I hoped to achieve
Goodbye
This just came out. I hope you enjoy it!
Meraki Sep 2020
Outside I’m a bright,
golden ray of happiness,
living a life sweeter than a sʻmore.
Cheerful family of four,
laughter roaring through the house,
life filled with dreams coming true.

Yet I can hardly bear to face another day.
My only desire is nothing,
complete silence.

I wouldn’t have to pretend to feel loved,
I wouldn’t have to pretend to be happy,
I wouldn’t have to pretend to have hope,
I wouldn’t have to pretend anymore.

I wouldn’t have to feel cold, wet
tears dripping down my face
in the middle of the night,
As I gasp for air,
In my sinking pit of despair.

Complete silence is what I ask.
Void of sound,
Drifting through the starlit skies,
Finally being able to go home
To Father.

Why do I stay?
Why do I live?
Why don’t I give up?
Why don’t I die?

Reasons to stay outweigh
Reasons to go,
But one day that’s not going
To be enough.

The stench of lies,
Of smoke,
Rushes to my head.
Silver becomes red.

Attempts to feel,
Something, anything.
Futile in the end.

Only way for happiness is
A bottle of complete silence
Which comes with
the price of one’s life.
Meraki Dec 2020
I hate what I see,
looking at my reflection,
staring back at me

I hate what I saw,
the numbers on the scale,
it destroys my
mental state of being

Why do I hate me?
Meraki Aug 2022
My heart wants to be happy,
while my soul wants to be free.
My brain knows it can't save them both
but still tries.
Meraki Feb 2021
Hollow feeling creeping into my chest,
wanting to cut out all the parts of me
I hate to see,
coming off of an amazing high
only to be ripped apart by my mind.
It's getting bad again but this time,
no more getting help.
I'm over living again.
Meraki Sep 2020
Getting shoved into lockers
“We were just messing around”

Pushed off the playground
“I was just playing”

Crumpled paper waiting
In my backpack,
Everyone would be better with
You gone.
“It was just a joke”

Freak, Stupid,
Loser.
“It’s just a name”

It’s just some kids being kids.

Just until someone cuts,
“You’re not going to be pretty anymore”

Just until someone ties
a rope around their neck,
“Why would you do that?”

Just until you're at their funeral,
No one knowing why they died.

It’s one big just when
Nobody cares until it’s too late.
Meraki Nov 2020
Living makes us
regretful,
Existing makes us
disappear,
Death is the end.
We live to die
so why even try?
Meraki Nov 2022
She was his stars
                                                                                            He was her moon
                                      Both lighting up the night.
He wished but never had hope
                                                             She had faith but lacked conviction
                              Neither one had been fully sincere.
He withdrew from the light
                                                                                    She was lost in the fog
                        The moon and stars gradually evanesced
                                 Until only darkness remained.
Meraki Feb 2021
Breathe in
Breathe out
You're gonna be okay,
or not.
Note to self; when life gives you lemons you say **** it and throw it back
Meraki Dec 2020
1800, 1200, 500,
nothing.

When will I look myself in the mirror
and say, "you are beautiful"

When will I see me
and not cringe in disgust.

When will I feel good
in my own skin?

When will this end?
When does this end? I don't know.
Meraki Sep 2020
Being content and happy is the rule
Break it once, become a fool
Break it twice, now you're on your way to school
With a bottle of dreams and a sonnet full of goodbyes,
I wish you well my friend,
Your goodbye was with a silent choice
and the beautiful lies you sang with your voice.
Goodbye my friend
It was my victory in the end,
I followed the rule, but became a fool,
So I took some dreams to school
With my sonnet of rainbows and smiles,
I finally got my wings.
Goodbye my friend,
This is the end.
Meraki Aug 2022
i think what's sad about this time is
i want to make it, really i do.
i don't know if i'll make it.
i don't want to die,
i only want to live.
please let me live.
please?
Meraki Sep 2020
The canvas comes with roses,
beautiful, bright,
crimson roses,
shining in
moonlight.
An artist with a sharp brush,
a canvas pale as snow.
They drew
and drew
and drew.
Stroke after stroke
roses grew.
A once empty canvas
now full of
roses with white stems.
Tens turn into hundreds
as roses quickly grew.
Painting done,
the artist looks at their work,
Roses wilting
as fast as they came.
The artist cleaned up their canvas
to be ready for another day.
Meraki Nov 2020
Graces everyone with her presence,
lights up the world with her smile,

Where does the light come from?
Where does the darkness hide?

Look into her eyes
you'll find where the truth lies.

A shattered heart,
a numb soul.

Darkness lies within,
breaking her apart

Like a candle,
light is what the world will get

While she slowly melts
into her shadow.
Meraki Dec 2021
Instead of drawing roses,
I write in silver and black
turning untold thoughts into wings
to soar with the angels
who have left me behind.
Meraki Jul 2022
Instead of drawing roses,
I write in silver and black
turning untold thoughts into wings
to soar with the angels
who have left me behind.
Meraki Mar 2022
Some days the sun doesn’t shine as bright.
Some days the clouds cover the sky.
Some days I want to give up.
Some days I want to sink into the ground and watch life pass by.

But…
the sun still shines no matter how dark the night was,
the clouds part and the heavens will be seen.

Yes, I want to stop but there is a purpose to be found in the suffering.
So I will rise to face another day because a better tomorrow awaits.
Meraki Sep 2020
Trudging up the stairs,
I wait silently on the rooftop.
Soon enough they appear
With tears in their eyes,
Clutching a crumpled paper.
They look across the
Ashen skies,
Telling themselves,
“This world just isn’t for me”.
I want to give them a hug
But I can’t just yet.
Taking their final steps,
They disappear over the edge.
Greeting them at the bottom of their plunge,
They fall into my embrace.
Fading,
Our outlines becoming transparent.
Turning towards me
They ask,
“Will I be alone again?”
I falter,
Five simple words;
Carved into my soul for the rest of eternity,
Speaking with absolute certainty,
I grasp their hand.
“Never again, will you feel obsolete.”

— The End —