I awkwardly said,
I want to share my poems aloud,
At this place, underground.
I'd like it if you came.

No reply.

I anxiously mentioned,
Some of them will have you in them,
I'd like it if you came and heard,
What I had to say.

No reply.

A few days later, you talk to me, randomly.
I mention I want to see you.
I've had a bad day.

What's been bad, you say?

My job isn't working out and
my car situation is all ****** up,
and my family is ****** up too.

You don't have your car anymore?

No, family needed it more than I.
And I want to save some down before I get mine.
I say.
Emptily. Thinking. No big deal.
This is smart. This is what people do.

But you never replied.
Not once when I needed you the most.

Looking back I'm frustrated.
I cared an awful lot.
And because I did I shared myself instead of
Partaking in you. And I think at a point it became so...
needy. So frustrating. So unmanly in your eyes, that
combined with some ****** dysfunction,
we just died on the vine. Black, withered, and disgusting.
So even though we remembered being green it just,
could not go back that way. And the irony was if I had
just ever figured out how to be nonchalant,
and not care so ever ******* much,
then, chances are, you'd have been my lady.
Life is weird. People... relationships... I don't know.
It's a cruel joke sometimes. Ain't a poem for you anymore.
You never really wanted.... that. I don't know what you want but,
It isn't me. Not anymore.

My sister said, **** that *****.
I smiled wryly and thought,
Once, but nevermore.

I think in the dark times of the night.
Even when the sky is bright,
Perhaps in a few years, when we are older...
I think with fear of a primal sort.
I have a girl that I love,
who I adore, and who doesn't necessarily mistreat me,
who keeps me though I'm an *******, and will take me
rich or poor but...
If you ever became someone who would come
and listen to my poetry
and hear what I have to say to you,
and cared, a little bit, sincerely,
and ever found me in your heart, truly, again...
What would I do?
I don't know but disgustingly,
I may always love you.

So maybe I've broken you,
And baby I'm sorry,
But honey I couldn't continue,
With the lies I told myself,
Because it wasn't fair to you,
Or to anybody else.

And maybe I should focus on,
The pain that I was feeling,
Or the things I'm struggling on.
It wasn't easy for me either,
But I couldn't just go on,
With trying to convince myself.

And really, I was in denial.
"You love her, you're crazy.
Just walk the line single-file"
When really, the love I held for you,
Was different, by a mile.
But really it wasn't that either.

At one point what I thought I felt, I did.
I used to really feel,
I fell head over heals for you I swear I did.
But It left,
Like a dead-beat dad leaves their kid.
And I'm sorry for that.

And so maybe I've broken you,
And baby I know I'm sorry.
But truly I'm broken, too,
And I have no right to be.
Because baby I've really broken you,
And it's broken me to know it was me who hurt you.

You and me
Go together like carrots and peas
We should be a happy family
Or a traveling travesty, at least

And love
Will **** us up
Love will **** us up

Breath in deep
Breath as deeply as you can breath
Breath deep til you're drunk with glee
Breath deep til you're drunk with glee

And love
Will **** us up
Love will **** us up

I saw the words on a page
And read their joy
Their hope
Their heart

I saw the words on a page
And it ripped my world apart

I saw the words on a page
Penned before my heart was yours

I saw the words on a page
Of how your love for her endures

I saw the words on a page
Kept with all your special things

I saw the words on a page
Read dreams of wedding rings

I saw the words on a page
Of a dream you never spoke

I saw the words on a page
They made my own begin to choke

I saw the words on a page
Of a time when love was true

I saw the words on a page
And read what she means to you

I saw the words on a page
You claim love never dies

I saw the words on a page
Now I see it in your eyes

I saw the words on a page
You know my hearts allure

I saw the words on a page
I know that she holds yours

I saw the words on a page
I see what you can't deny

I saw the words on a page
Your love for me belied

I saw the words on a page
And read their joy
Their hope
Their heart

I saw the words on a page
And it ripped my world apart

I saw the words

Because she told me not to drink
She told me to stop drinking
So I didn't
Even if everybody pushed me to.

But then my mind flashed these things
that I can't ignore
I remember how
you didn't have to remind me
not to drink
and I said
'I won't drink.
I miss you.
I don't like it here.
I'd rather be with you.'

I remembered you
but still thought of her.

I wonder why
I still remember you
but choose to be with her.

The only time i like you sleeping is when you're by my side
Arms draped over me and breath steady and low
Keeping time with my own
Peaceful slumber in synchronized exhales and unified heartbeats.

Thick skin falls in pieces
To reveal a molten liquid center
A beauty never gazed upon by another
A glow of heat and pain and ...love
Hidden from prying eyes
Kept safe from strangers and "loved ones" alike
Permanent fists grip tightly
As the center boils hot upon its release
And a trickle becomes a flood
In the right hands...

In the right heart
The stiff grip loosens
And new skin, soft and supple
Replaces the old
Stronger than one could have imagined
Sweeter than one could hope
A butterfly against the odds
And a struggle ends in .....**love

Across the room a subtle glance
Victims of bad circumstance
Hoping you would take the chance
Yet, nothing changes
The makings of a great romance
But time estranges

There you are just out of reach
In my mind there is a speech
Of how your heart I will beseech
I still, can feel you
The words you say I will impeach
I know the real you

The one whose kindness from the start
Has torn my faded world apart
And shown the truth to half a heart
There's so much out there
Happiness you do impart
With how much you Do care

Still it's like just yesterday
So close and yet so far away
I need you in my arms, to stay
That's my suggestion
I want you each and every day
There is no question

So sunshine mornings I have seen
Because there is no in between
The love we feel has always been
Our worst disaster
If only kisses dared to mean
Forever after