Push, pull


Take me away
I cannot stay


All I can say is that
I loved you anyway

I don't know
What is left of me
Or even
If there is
Anything at all

Ground down to nothing
I am not here
Not anymore

You see
Looking back
I can see


All the signs were there
Over these last four years

Memories can't be trusted
Were they all lies?
Your sociopathic inferno of illusion

Little by little I played into
Your game of chess

Thinking I was an opponent
In good spirits

But only was the pawn
From the very beginning

Spiraled into your manipulative ways
You were the puppet master

Now I see

And now the damage is done

Over
But not
Really ever

And yet
You still find a way
To pour salt in the wound

And you are not
Even here

Just sharp words
That cut me down to size
Smaller
And smaller
Until I cower once again

My mistake was bowing down
My mistake was valuing
Y O U
Over  M E

Now I'm left
Deeper in the pit
Damaged beyond return

I am broken

Left less of a being
That I was before

Cringing
At the memories you
Left me with

Backed into a corner

Broken on the floor
Tears streaming down

You

Towing over me

As I cower

Covering my naked frame
From your threatening punches

That you stopped

Right before

My face


Over and over


Laughing
Asking

If I really thought that
You were going to hit me


This is the terror
I relive thinking of you

Left shattered
With thoughts suffocating

Shattered
With marks

You left me for dead

Shattered with the thought
That I once trusted you

Memories only prove
To me once more

Trust no one

Love means
Being backed into a corner

Love means
Terror

As you wrap hands around my throat

Love means
Testing me

To see how far
I'd let you take it
Over the edge

That's what love taught me

You weren't the first
But I had prayed
That you weren't the worst

Seems that I always came last

Didn't know how to put myself first

Took care of others to fill a void
That I couldn't place

Tried to be there
Tried to give
What I didn't really have

So I gave up myself
All of me
Everything

To others
Gave it all away

Gave everything I cherished
To those I cherished

Because happiness matters, right?

But my own happiness
I could never find

I don't think I ever had that in mind

Because I gave it to others
So they wouldn't have the void
That ate away at me

Couldn't find myself
But I never had an idea of who I was anyway

Serving the needs of others

So I didn't have to face
The lack of self
That I never gained

So I put myself on a shelf

Saved for later

And collected dust
Forgotten and left alone

For all the years that came
A love that was boundless

Never shined bright enough

So I left myself on the shelf
Hoping someone would
Return the favor

And here I am collecting dust
Left to myself once again

Lost to the world and
Lost to myself

Forgotten
Always forgotten
Always picked last
By those you picked first

A shine that was just never enough