Here we are
yet again

the longest night
under clear skies

too long
have I sought the sun

I missed the mushrooms
searching for daffodils

yes, the fruits
of unending night

a hearty stew
instead of salad

truce
between wanderers

as we sit
sipping on ambrosien dirt

Your lips

I'm drunk
on your salt

That beautiful
beautiful taste

did you drink
right before we kissed?

some saccharine
yet salty brew?

Have I been sedated?

I feel like prey
right before a wolf

frozen
as I must be

for I know
my purpose is to serve.

Who am I
But a piece of you?

In fields of rye
Lies become true.

A skinwalker
I stalk the night

I silently saunter
Between wrong and right

Your face is mine
For I miss my own

Straight down the line
Pain is sown

Iron graces my tongue
Hephaestus' ferrous fire

My song won't be sung
accompanied by drum or lyre

This won't end
never now or later

See the burns
on your most worthy opponent

See how far
how far you bent

Oh yes

You’re the golden poison
Flowing in my veins

Glittering death
With open arms

Acid in my veins

Burn me
As my heart pumps

Tear my dead skin
Like it’s a prison

Tear it with anger
Tear it with malice

End it please
I can’t take it much longer

sedate me
with sweet melody

deprive me
of words only we see

with you
sleep left too

my eyes don't function
not like they did

where there was hope
there is abyss

you destroyed our world
with one fell swoop

you
could never be mine

could you?

god these empty pages
that I fill with regret

this pain
that never leaves

maybe they'd be better
burnt, torn, and broken

maybe I would too

how sad
that my sun is dark

that the light I crave
is of a heartless abyss

that alone I lay
wishing banshees would leave

and I'm trapped here

here I blur the line
between poetry
and a cry for help

a broken villain
begging

Sienna dreams
lay heavy on my flesh

her sheepish tone
that's oh so beautiful

and her steady
steady hand

she's an autumn leaf
composting in the dirt

bringing life
through death

the steady cycle of seasons
will bring only more beauty

for she is sienna

my favorite color

I am Saltbreath

I will salt your field and your eyes
destroying everything
everything that's alive

I am Saltbreath

when I look at you I see red
the red of hatred
I will burn you to ashes

I am the great Saltbreath

kneel to my power
kneel to the constant pain
that emanates from my throat

I am the great Saltbreath

I will dominate
all aspects of your life
I will fill them with pain

I am the terrible Saltbreath

I am weakness
I am loneliness
I am pitiful

I am Saltbreath
I am Saltbreath
I am Saltbreath

Oh today
today is my birthday!

there will be no balloons
no poppers or cake

just some time with those I love
something nobody can take

it's almost 6:00 AM
soon I'll get my alert

telling me that I should have a nice day
and maybe this time I'll listen

has my heart
bled for too long?

have I coated those I love
in my own blood?

perhaps

perhaps it's just
the order of things?

perhaps
I'm meant to bleed?

maybe my blood
may help others

and maybe
just maybe

I do deserve love
and a caring hand

perhaps
I am worthy

yes
yes I am

I've done
everything I can

I've done good
finally

I've done good.

it's good enough
just to try.

I've felt
the warmth of winter

Her crown that rests
between my guitar strings

And there was Autumn, too
with her cinnamon hair

Her scent of pumpkin
that blanketed anyone near

If two arsonists
start the same fire

are they not both criminals?

dark and cold
memories black and old

none can save me
so why would you dare try?

can you not see
how I can never cry?

no blood dripped
when my soul was ripped

to shreds on the floor
as i watched in pain

There's nothing in this life
for a nomad in the shrapnel rain.

Why
Does my bath tub seem so long

So full
Like I could get lost

In this windowless shelter
Unknown to the world

Tucked within
A curling apartment

A cold tub
That was supposed to be warm

Too big
To submerge myself

Could this be where I die?
A voice muses

Alone in a tub?
No, too lonely

Failure
yet another failure

with sense
or liquor

it could never
be averted

then again
it was after you

he was a magnum
to my helpless heart

unexpected
powerful

you both set me alight
and watched as I burned

here is my charity
the poem you asked for

perhaps you wanted this
to hurt me to see more

you always did
love to read

these sad lines
these cries for help

You are lucky
I've decided something

That revenge
is not my course

That the hatred I've felt
has not poisoned your blood too

Preciado.
you are pitiful.

And one day
your stain will leave the earth

A stain
that I can only pity

For you
will not know real love

Only admiration
given by fools

we've got scuffmarks
you and I

like boots
drenched in the ocean

boots
boots that conquer mountains

through the birdsong
of verdant forests

boots that despite scuffs
will continue to conquer

only now
we conquer alone

Things you burn
On your porch at night

Watching the fire churn
Until it all feels right

Preparing for tomorrow
When you’ll try to be enough

Drowning in your sorrow
Nobody said it’d be this rough

Watching the things you’ve lost
And things you’ve tossed

Into the fire

Burn

When the blackened smoke
Leaves the trapper’s chimney

When the sun
Begins to rise

I will run
I will have had the courage

To rip off the leg
Stuck in the trap

And when his dogs
His soldiers of fortune

Bark and bellow
Surely

I will die

Just another attempt
to scrub myself

of these regrets
of pain

Just another attempt
to end this

the suffering
the pain

Am I crazy?

Am I stupid?

So much time I've wasted
on pretty things

the dazzling lights
before the curtain call

A creeping black
destroys me from within

I'll never go back
to our wandering sin

You command me
to destroy it all

I'll always see
the result of your call

In my corner I suffer
with the coroner I'll rot

Colloquially bent
With a positive alignment

Breath without falter
That’s what I put at the altar

Visions of what I wish I could be
But that isn’t me

I’m sorry
And for what I may never know

This is suffering
this is silence

to pierce my ears
like a sine lance

skin is paper
for the universe to burn

I will not
ever ever learn

God will it go away
this infernal pain

let me stop writing
writing away the pain

no longer is there meaning
only feelings

please someone
this is a cry for help

please someone
this is a cry for help

please please god

anyone

LET THE MUSIC STOP
LET IT GO

PLEASE

THERE IS NO ANGER
ONLY ANGUISH

PLEASE
HELP
HELP
HELP
I AM NOT A POET
I NEED HELP
I AM STRUGGLING
I NEED HELP
I AM FIGHTING
LIKE I WAS TOLD TO
NEVER ENOUGH
PLEASE I'M CRACKING
PLEASE I CAN'T BLEED
I CANNOT BREATHE
I NEED YOU
I NEED A RELEASE
I NEED
A SAFETY FOR THIS TRIGGER
GOD IT NEVER STOPS
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
let it end
let it go
let me live
among the snow
that forest
of lies
is so repulsive
please
never go back
I won't
I never will

but it's coming after me
security in trees
the cracked walls
that hold my insecurities
please
god
it isn't going away
it's been so long
it doesn't leave
it doesn't form words
not real ones
I can't structure
in this muffled padded room
let me out
LET ME OUT
I WANT OUT
NOW HELPhelphelpnowgodhelpmenowhelpmenot losehelpmelivehelpmeliehelpmediehelpmelivehelpme diehelp me drive off a cliff help it go help it all help it all die die die leave leave leave shut the door shut the door SHUT IT SHUT IT NOW SHUT SHUT NOW NOW NOW I NEED HELPTHERE IS NO HELP NOT FOR ME NO PLEASE HELP IT'S GOINGgoinggoing control gone is here control is here please lock it away these scars will fade and you will live today

My hair
floating as though in water

This charge
This alien charge

Puts a buzzing
ringing in my ears

This tongue of mine
is it made of copper?

No, this is not rain
pouring down my brow

this is it.

In a flash, I'm struck
pierced to the ground

And yet

Over me you stand
arm extended

While warm rays
caress my now scarred skin

In this summer morning
you dab my forehead

Gently with a damp cloth
you say you're sorry

That you never meant to hit me
but I'm oh so glad you did

Please,
never let this dream end.

How
in this maze
am I to find a way

Out of
sienna catacombs
without a torch in sight

can I
walk out myself
shivering alone?

or must I be dragged
kicking, screaming
praying to suffocate
to drown once more
fighting
punching, kicking air
screaming

screaming for your siren song
begging to hear it again
begging to be devoured
by unyielding jaws
torn to shreds
by serrated claws
sinking into me

you
you never leave
you watch me cry
as if you are a sadist
a guilty sadist
whenever I run
you find me
you tell me you've missed me

and honestly?
I've missed you too

oh god
how dearly I've missed you

You spectre
you wraith!

You evade my arms
my helpless mortal limbs

To be haunted
but not by hate

This is truly
the unknown

The void
that is spoken into existence

This heartless limbo
it's the space between

My throat
and your bared fangs

and my curled form
and your lap

Perhaps this is what
would cause Houdini to drown

The comfort of your currents
and the warmth of your tendrils

Pulling me under

deeper

deeper

deeper

but I will not fight

for death has never seemed so kind

Those with melting skin
Running after me though

Years ago I’d been
Crumbling with them in the snow

They want my life
And my freedom to thrive

But though it’s rife
Some nights I dive

Into fields of frost
Burning all I am

Where I choke on exhaust
Where I’m overran.

I want you
and only truly you

cold as snow
you're a Chicago summer

Hot like fire
I'm a California winter

Together we're a perfect storm

We make lightning
crash in the sky above

You are my muse, unlike any other
and I will fight in Satan's ring

To prove my love

Yes you’re ice
You sap warmth

You sapped mine for a year and a half
Though I did play my part in it

I’m not mad
Never at you

You cannot blame
The ice in the tub

You’re the warmth of winter
Penetrating my veins

You’re hypothermia
A death I welcome like a friend

Making the cold warm

I WANT TO BE WARM

You do not blame

Your frosty lungs

When they give out

I need more steam

You see

Fire is needed to live

But cold is a killer

You are icy
When my fires melted you

You doused me

But you cannot blame gravity
For what falls

No

The cold is painful
In a lethargic sort of way

It’s a war of attrition
Against yourself

Wars of attrition
Are hardly ever won

The cold makes you desperate

Irrational

It’ll take your life if you let it

But again

The cold is not to blame

This is it
the end of the high

The start of the low

I can see it
Through death's sullen eyes

The yearning for my soul

And perhaps I'll waltz
in death's arms

Just not close enough for a kiss

here one day
gone the next

just like
summer morning dew

beautiful and flourishing
until burned by the sun


it's like a knife
cutting daffodils

brutal, efficient
uncompromising

******


gasoline
poured on embers

embers
that hoped to die


I'll burn it all
all of it

and watch the flames


watching it all
slip hopelessly


into oblivion

My words
are hardly special

My self is so
so special

I came to write
because I felt blue

But there's none
none to match me

I may be a ****
do the worst things

and I may be crass
and foolishly blundering

But I know among these things

That I am kind
I am smart

I don't know my strength
let alone my worth

But I'm learning
growing with the tide

Like seeds in concrete
I will break through.

Rain graces my hair
small droplets from the air

life to the world
released when clouds have swirled

we may find asylum once again
in the clouds that block

the sun from all that's been
keeping misery's stock

we may all find change
in this world so strange

perhaps for the better
or merely an unwanted letter

My chest bleeds
And it all goes black

If you knew the seeds
You’d know it all goes back

To that moment I opened
My eyes to this cruel world

And then I listened
As their hatred unfurled

My body bleeds as a result
Of my first breath

An egregious insult
To the jaws of death.

I've rationalized it
the pain

I've found a comfort
in a bear's den

so familiar
in the cold

yet how can I say this

when our songs
hardly phase me anymore

I loved you, it's true
and perhaps I still do

but now you're a memory
faded and broken

Kintsugi

for you are treasured
though I long left you

and together
we once dreamed

we dreamed
of warmth in a blizzard

one we could keep
just for us

I've seen
the woods and trees

the crooked stars
that lie between

and the stares
of hollow oaks


yes please
please spare some pity

let these rags
mend with twigs

and I'll ****
just to be worthy


hey there
you aren't a razor

what are you doing
in my home?

have I
taken the role?

have I

done it again?

Now
You are the crimson

The blade
That enters my capillaries

The hand
By which I meet fate again

Yes, this is you

The most beautiful thorn
Upon the wilting rose

My sanity
Faded so long ago

But now I know
The truth of it all

As I’ve gone insane
I now know
that I understand everything

The butterflies
That cause hurricanes

And the foolishness
Of my own two eyes

Chocolate
and tear-stained poetry

why the ****
did I believe
even for a second

that love could be easy
that I could fall
without breaking bones

and why
was I so ready to fall

what insanity
hate-driven entity
has caused this

this rift
as soon as I remembered
what it's like to love

that twitch
of my heart

the twitch I felt the first day
that told me you were special
that I had no choice

the twitch
of love
that I can't stop

a madness that will steal
all senses and wits about me

how fitting
that I should understand once more
the pain I have inflicted on others

through foolish heartbreak
foolish
foolish

heartbreak

Is this it?

Am I losing my grasp?

Has my jealousy
given way to greed?

Can a frightened child
also be a dictator?

A hoarder of hearts
I often grab too tight

I feel their blood
trickle through crooked claws

yet still I hold them

for fleshy pulp
will not run

I know it will rot
but I'm tired of longing

The smell
like tar in my lungs

yet still
I've not learned

that pulp deteriorates
far quicker than can be stopped

perhaps these claws
will once again be kind.

Rose glasses
couldn't turn blue to red

Our rose garden
to where a compass once led

it's wilted and singed
ashes in the wind

But never again
will I plant a garden

never in a place so dry
so windy, too

No, I search for greener pastures
colder weather to work in

where the sun doesn't burn
where the garden

isn't a chore
but a hobby

My midnight lover
dances beneath the stars

Nothing shall cover
our deepest scars

In a waltz we'll reveal
secrets only we know

All the thoughts we try to seal
will be dashed upon the snow

Give me your ugly
give me your smile

Then you'll truly know
that I'd like you to stay a while

Warm whiskey
rye and golden daffodils, too

The odd Autumn cicada
chirps sleepily

Thistles and brambles
protect a gurgling stream

And by dusk
the sun will burn it all

And it will regrow
as the sun rises again

May we watch it darling?
the echoes of summer?

Blood soaked soil
'neath the tree

my friend
lets make necklaces

strong, from knots
never to part

Our bond will never break

lovers beneath the stars

Get the chairs
cable and bone

lets find a sturdy oak
strong and bold

need a strong branch
to house these cages

macabre portraits
may our arms never part

Icing
upon cold death

piercing eyes
that know pain all too well

a voice
undeniable

soft, gentle
yet still finding an edge

you'll find it
you will

your lips
like peaches

each soft
and shimmering

I always wondered
how you could look in mirrors

and say you hate
that you hate what you see

though perhaps it's jealousy
that a mirror could hold it
an image of illustrious beauty

I always wondered
what it was

and I suppose
I always will.

Never stare into it
For too long

You may hear the siren song
Of the endless pit

That you may find within
Your hollow carcass

The void of sin
The lonely darkness

That corrodes your being
From within to out

And steals your feeling
But will never shout

Why

Why is your touch
So sweet

But your smell
Is horrid

Cigarettes
Their smell

Was never meant
To enter my lungs

Yet here we are

Little do you know
My dear

That I scrub myself
To get rid of the stench

Every time you go
I question myself

I question why
Why I beckon you back

When we rest together
The scent isn’t there

When you’re gone, everything you’ve touched must be washed

Isopropyl alcohol
I find it does the trick

An hour long shower
Before I rid my skin of it

You reek of sickness
Yet I want your touch

I want your embrace

Was I too hasty?
Did I make a mistake?

When you leave
I’m left with a mess

Spirits and odors that cling
To my clothes and skin

Peroxide on the wound
bubbling blood on my nails

Burning tears and hands
scouring ravaged tapestry

Fight it
fight it they all say

Fight what
fight what other than me?

Fight your chlorine
seeping into my lungs

Setting fire to my throat
as I puke blood

Help me
help me I scream

Someone please
someone please save me

Otherwise please
leave me to die here

Leave me to wither
a **** among roses

Many have asked
To be my muse

But those who ask
Shall never receive

But those who see
The broken in me

And still choose
This dying heart

They shall feel
Its shallow beat

They may know
The words I sew

The words I sew
Into silk, the golden kind

And they may drink

The blood from my arteries