You are an *******.

You made me believe that every time you said I love you would be the beginning of something that would last forever, you made me believe that every time you held me in your arms it would be a safe place to go like the way that the birds fly into the trees and know that no matter where they go, they can always come home.

You made me believe that maybe someday I would be good enough to be somebody's mother.

You made me believe that when I looked into the mirror that I was somebody beautiful, not because of the way you held me, but that since you saw something and you never lied, it must be true.

So excuse me if I don't understand how you can look at me now as if I'm just an person in a picture that you forgot about, I don't know how you can look at her the way that you used to look at me and not feel the pain that I feel; knives ripping apart the heart that you worked so desperately to stitch back together then gave up on. I don't understand how you can say that you'd fight for her when you gave up your future with me so easily...

See... how can I go on with knowing that the future that I planned with you, the names that we named together, the plans that we made together would all crumble away with the few words "I don't think we should be we anymore." I accept my mistakes. I was not always right and I put too much on you, but I needed you...

I needed you and you left... because you said it was too much for you.

I told you that I could change and be better, but you said I was perfect just the way I was. You said that I didn't deserve you and when you said it, you meant I didn't deserve pain that you might put me through...

But you see...

How dare you tell me what I deserve.

How dare you tell me that my future that I planned with you was no longer an option. How dare you throw away the one love that listened to me when I said

"No. Stop. Please."

How can you look at me the way you did before before you knew the pain that I've gone through? I shared depths of my heart and parts of my soul that had never seen the sun, but now only know the warm light of your love.

I trusted you... And I trusted what we would become. I put all my eggs in a basket that wasn't woven quite right and watched helplessly as it fell apart. I hope that maybe someday you'll see what I saw and know that it's not fair for you to say I didn't deserve you when you made me feel like I deserved the world.

I just want you to see what I saw.

Somebody worth loving... and sharing my little part of eternity with.

Life chokes my neck
as I endlessly try to breathe.

one day you're going to feel beyond your body
a transcendent feeling that your soul cannot utter a word
and your eyes forgot what was real and what was a dream
like there living a story from your childhood books
flying like a fairy or a dragon with flame-throwing breaths
and your hands will fail grasping your body
and then music will flow though the waves and particles of light
travelling in its own speed but you still can see it
like everything is in slow motion
like everything is unreal

but right now,
everything is in your safe zone
the way the things in your room feels like a prison
and the sound of your heartbeat is the only thing your ears could trust
like the doors were locked
the windows are shut, there is no escaping
you've danced your way into your own travesty
and it keeps you feeling, and the feeling is changing
they may say that change is good
but they also lie to your face, nothing is still real
a different kind of sensation of blackness in the middle of the day
emptying, frustrating, wilding

but one day, you will feel special
hope for it, wait for it

I
    Keep
Clawing
       Away
   But
        You're
   Still
In
     My
  Head