"trazadone" poems
i went to see a psychiatrist last monday in the “avenues” and it was refreshing in a way because she actually listened to me, without making me nervous, which is hard. she asked me simple questions, i told her of the ****** abuse as a child, and the toxicity of my relationship before. she asked how my quality of sleep is, and i said it’s fine but i wake up crying or once i screamed ****** ****** and i also punched the fan blowing on my face in my sleep because i thought i was being attacked. i have panic attacks after grocery shopping and a phobia of crowds, although i’m really unsafe anywhere, anything could happen is how i feel. (my whole life has felt like i’m on the edge of a cliff) i pick at my face, and sometimes pluck out my hair. embarrassing. but better than when i was a young girl and ****** on my.. ****** hair... ugh. wow.
anyway she said it sounds like i’m having ptsd symptoms, and that my behavior is very common in people with childhood trauma. she adjusted my meds, now i’m on the highest dose prozac, doxycycline for my face, flexeril, klonopin nightly, and trazadone. oh and birth control. anyway i called out to work one day because the night previous i had had two panic attacks, in my sleep as well. long story short my coworker (i think she’s my friend but i really don’t know to tell you the truth) asked how i was, and i told her everything i just said. she replied with “ptsd from what?”
and my thing is i’ve told her of *** abuse when I was a child, and i’ve told her about my toxic abusive relationship. so i replied with photos i’ve taken over the years of my self harm and explained again the abuse and she never replied. i see her at work and she acts chipper as always and just exactly like my friend/coworker. but the only thing she said to me about the pictures i sent her “are you feeling any better?” as she was getting in her car.
that stung a little bit.
anyway i truly am a crybaby. no sense of direction because i have no sense of urgency. “nothing really matters, anyone can see”
and yet there are days when the sun shines even though it hurts my eyes, and it’s beautiful, the flowers in our front yard are beautiful. i’m grateful for life. maybe the meds are working again, hm?
Jun 24, 2019
Jun 24, 2019 at 11:58 PM UTC
Cicadas hum quietly,
amongst the summer choir.
Locked doors,
birds on their wire's.
Keep from harm's way,
but thorted by desire-
Blinds colored gray
block out humanity.
These dreams speak to me through insanity,
a tv plays white noise,
my mind is in calamity.
As nightmares creep in through my eyelids,
amid the darkness of this quiet house.
This is my Strauss-
wooden floors entirely silent,
the thoughts inside are violent.
Recalling Baptist Hospital.
No cart rhythmically on call,
a nurse alloting me two pearls to swallow.
Making the sea of seretonin flow,
making happiness through my body grow.
Tonight,
I take my trazadone
no longer resembling a pearl,
my toes curl.
At the bitter taste,
following the nightmares that make haste
to follow me to bed,
praying I don't wake up dead.
Aug 11, 2017
Aug 11, 2017 at 2:55 PM UTC
Sleep oh Sleep
Take me away
Trazadone dreams
littered in dismay
I'm frightened
I'm trying to run away
My feet won't move
please oh please
Take me away
Vicious thoughts dance about
I scream, I shout
trapped
I'll never get out
© 2012 Christina Jackson
Oct 12, 2012
Oct 12, 2012 at 5:19 PM UTC
Lexapro to be a pro
At a mastering the status quo
No one likes a Debbie Downer,
Do you have to be so sour?
Adderall not working anymore?
Getting up is still a chore?
Vyvanse might be what what you need.
Anything to help me, please!
Xanax for anxiety
And so it works reliably
Take it with hydroxyzine
Trazadone to help you sleep
Choke down a handful of these
Won't matter the amount
As long as it knocks you out
Let's try this, let's try that
Uh oh, looks like that one made you fat
Once we finish with the vat
We'll let you know how to get you back
Shut up, shut up, shut up!!
Can't you just grow up??!
Brushed off, brushed off, brushed off
A little something to take the edge off
Maybe you should meditate
But for now we're sending you upstate
Medicated since 15?
Have you tried a guillotine?
Struggle, struggle, struggle
Let's fit you for a muzzle
Sit down, sit down, sit down
You look just like a clown
We heard you the first time
Can't you ask without crying?
This drama queen
Can't get past what happened at 17
Crybaby if you ask me
Did you even hear her speak?
She's lost and can't be found
Let's show some mercy
Put this one down
Apr 26, 2025
Apr 26, 2025 at 10:28 AM UTC