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the hardest question: is it gonna be you or them?
learning self-love is probably the most difficult thing, but why is loving others so easy?
it’s so simple to lose yourself in a crowd of people & find yourself wondering where you fit in, you cant decide, so you find yourself lost once again.
Jared Eli Oct 2013
They said that I could be whatever my heart desired
But I don't know what I want; All I know is that I'm tired
The world's too big for someone like me
The world's too small to fit people comfortably
The cities are jam-packed and all of the bodies
Are writhing and bending like awkward pilates
But the abs don't develop, the friendship's avoided
The only way to the top is to blood dope and 'roid it
There's no one that smiles as I climb on the train
And true, my own smile I made plans to retain
But maybe that's it! We've got a vicious rotation
Of these serious faces, a shy person's vocation
"Put up the wall!" cries the brain in a fright
The same little voice that grabs the wall switch at night
So let's bring them all out of the hand-painted shell
That covers them up and locks them in so well
But back to the start, I don't know what I'll be
And it's so hard to think with these people around me
They crowd up the alleys, the houses, the street
And it's funny, two strangers with same routes don't meet
We wrap ourselves up with the survival of the day
And we become more robotic as our humanity slips away
We entertain the thought that we're cognitively higher
And we've been doing that since Prometheus stole the fire
We've got all our gadgets ideas and tools
And we set codes of standards and morality rules
Sure maybe we're self-governing and make our own laws
But how does this make us above those with paws?
Are we wholly smarter by gift of this tech?
Because it seems to me that the world is a wreck
We took over the planet with ignorant spreading
Closer and closer the moment we've been dreading
Is nearing the Earth through the vast population
We're nearing the point where we'll need a space station
To hold all the people, too eager to quit it
To keep it in your pants, think before you hit it

To keep our races intact, to ensure man's survival
We're our very best customer and salesman and rival
"Help yourself and I'll be right along"
Is the tired old phrase, the motivation song
And some things you can change and fix with a thought
But the number of things that need more? Quite a lot
You can't save a nation just by a mental notion
There's no telepathic messenger who will fly across the ocean
On the wings and dreams of the oldest dragon
Whilst carrying the remedy in a silver flagon
There's no Wish Police who will answer your calls
And pull down their Fix-it Guns from the racks in the halls
So to move a nation, you might think it funny
But the thing that speaks to all is valid currency: money
To make all the changes you wished up in there
You've got to pull out the cash and flip back your hair
Make a statement that sure, you've no clue what you're doing
But you're willing to try, and while politicians sit stewing
Over who voted how and which bill not to pass
"The elephant says yea; Let's legalize grass!"
None of that matters if you get full support
And when you work for the world, who takes you to court?
So I guess the whole point, the big picture theme
Is that changing the world will take more than a meme
It involves more than **** and ******* and wines
It's more than those selfies and twerking and vines
It's more than that petty stuff you find so amusing
The internet was information, but you all are abusing
You muddle up facts with your silly fan fiction
U and I are ovr because you've bastardized the diction
The syntax is wrong, there are so many errors
These are but one of the grammatical terrors
That plague the nation, plague the world
The torch is passed and the baton twirled
The next generation knows no better
Than to follow our actions to the letter
What can they change when we've taken it all
And compacted it down to six summer weeks small
The information they're using is paraphrased
And the original sources have been erased
To make more room in the data banks
For storing the info on nukes and rebel tanks
Let's all converse and stop these risk stunts
Grab the bat from the player; "Take a risk, not a bunt!"
Change to the world has got to be swift and loud
Stop mumbling ideas when you can shout at the clouds
Let loose the brain you've kept locked away
And shout at the world; let them hear you today
What will I be? Well, I've got to make dough
To make waves in the world and change it, you know
I'll do what I can, within moral reason
To gain leverage on everything and it might become treason
To fix the whole world using ideas and cash
But I'd much rather my back feel the sting of the lash
Than condemn my mind to the essential lobotomy
My only medical surrender will be to phlebotomy
So take out my blood and my money too
If the world's gonna change, I've got to learn to trust you
That will be our base, our motto and creed
To strive for the change fueled by trust, not by greed
Genevieve Apr 2017
When I first heard it was so and was truly for real I did not believe that it could be,
That this egotistical narcissist really did see himself as a leader and team player!!

When it was announced he may take the biggest seat in America, A Has been actor; Millionaire sure some truth there may be!

But ***! My mouth first filled
Up  tight with air sending shock waves to my
head then I heard what
my husband had really just said!!! huhh what now?!!

This is Legit, This is Real that this
Dumb **** is Really going to try to become president!!;

That alone made the Air Burst 0ut as laughter hit me hard to think this guy
" Your Fired"  thought he could rule ovr the world !!"
Although not yet in house
started a plenty to WreaK Havoc
over us many!!!

I thought F No!! There is no way in Hell !!
This guy is for real ?!! I cannot take it ******* batman his ShizzT do stank; Plans to get all up in there! Great for us Not! With some eating it up this cannot be good!.

what we had F'ing idiots saying Yes he is the one!**** now our Fing hope
has grown wings and flown flown flown Way beyond and Yonder!!!

This Duesche of a president will soon be forced out and dismissed from his big wig seat & As Gargamel is to the smurfs this **** is to us here on this earth.!
I call a redo with more of a candidate selection lets
get a freakin Re-election.
here at Highland Manor Apartments
earlier today Juneteenth 2022,
(a pitch perfect spring day)
with serious intent to read
seat of the pants suspense thriller
The New Comprehensive
A-Z Crossword Dictionary.

Invariably, yours truly
quickly experienced drowsiness,
succumbed to deep sleep
and dreamt being linkedin
with livingsocially off the grid
among ecological, liberal, social minded
people progressive in act, deed, and thought
versus participating in consumerist paradigm.

As a conscious conscientious counterpart
the missus shops with a conscience
and yours truly considers her price savvy
when she purchases groceries
at ALDI, Giant, LIDL, or other supermarket.

Impossible mission to adopt modus operandi,
whereby wife would entertain notion to husband
energy garnering fruits and vegetables
courtesy sweat equity
since we lack basic homesteading skills,
nor consider either of us
adequately financially solvent
to contact compatible intentional community
since requisite criteria
require a healthy monetary stash of money.

Unlikely substantial windfall
will appear out of the blue,
nor grandiose wish to draw winning lottery ticket,
thus sobering truth to burnish marketable skills
finds me seek assistance
courtesy office of
vocational rehabilitation in general
and counselor Donna Marchese in particular,
which most likely entails
securing training to learn
Microsoft Office Applications.

More precisely, some familiarity exists
regarding understanding computer software
since admission of foolhardiness
now averred how countless golden opportunities
slipped thru these ofttimes sweaty fingers.

Though never successfully completed,
received funding back in the day from:
CETA, O(ffice) of V(ocational) R(ehabilitation)
twice before whereby
the former and/or latter program
allocated unspecified dollars
(poor Ray McNeil, the first OVR counselor,
whose tiresome love's labour's lost for naught)
in an effort to acquire gainful employment,
which in all honesty sabotaged
cause of that bugaboo severe social anxiety
more specifically diagnosed
as schizoid personality disorder;
no shame to admit mental health crisis.
Ysabel Klara Dec 2018
Who am I? Woke up
and left the person I’d been,
lying in a room
I don’t want to cry in-

Can I run at a speed that tears
tears from cheeks,
dispersing them into air like
explosive seeds,
saplings birthing
from different needs,
three people in one bead:

My silence has a time bomb. I’ll
have to speak
or in madness,
I'll squeak.
Lies have numbed me; In

frozen ice
entrapped,
waiting to be dropped into
liquid: I’ll melt,
into something
Moreover,
sometimes I’m crushed
and find myself lower
Man in an ice tray,
where cold air is warmer. If

I had to be born again,
could I not have regained
the body of Bird?
Weak or strong,
flying faster than legs -  
I'll move from one
person to treason-

the body is ageing,
soul travels through thousands
places and lifetimes,
ovr'
lands of lies.
Dennis Willis Feb 2019
Here I am
angry

Furious
ovr
u

agn

fukme

ahm
****
of this state

of 'manity
of

sorry ifn
you're all
caught up in
nice
'n rational

lyin mfr

u aint

ah read yer books
et yer lunch

f'd yer femails

struck dumb by
clichés I slaughter

your otter

I know what
it should say

I know what you
want to hear

'cept
I'm clear
via beer

you are queer
enuf
to be here
rather 'n there

I cull the thoughts
that lead to

your shells
are
exhausting

your fears
lead to
great lines

and still
its tired

you're broken heart
is your first

my umpteenth
bite down please

skin leaking
time dancing
friction gathering
its price

it's happiness
primal

I surrender upwards
2 u

give this line
it's due

is none

discovered in you
that you'll name
as yours

this is mine


Copyright@2019 Dennis Willis
while being quarantined
inside our own invisible bubble

Transcendent meditations
while athwart oblate spheroid
allow, enable, and provide
deft capability deciphering
snap, crackle and pop
accepted as mere static
to the untrained ear.

Each inaudible silent cerebral
deaf utterance doth ricochet
across avast heavenly expanse
broadcast far beyond the realm Hubble
telescope detects faintest sound
signaling when cosmos began.

Courtesy near futile results
after jogging me memory,
the following individuals
(unbeknownst if still alive)
helped diagnose mental faculties
concerning yours truly
approximately comprising last two thirds
of mortal male named Matthew Scott Harris;
Ray McNeil
OVR Counselor;
Paul Sachs
licensed psychologist;
Elba Dorley
her professional title unknown.

Unsure who if any among
three aforementioned named
specially trained persons
coined diagnosis (mine)
I accepted (until now),
and blithely communicate
Schizoid Personality Disorder,
and crafted oodles of previous poems
concerning said malady.

Nevertheless profound social anxiety
plagued my every waking and sleeping hour,
scuttling many (née countless) opportunities,
whether series of unfortunate events
encompassed academia or
string of abysmal employment endeavors.

Sequestration of self
most often housed
within bedroom walls
(defined narrow realm),
where alone within
emotional wilderness (mine)
branded passive aggressive lad
(appellation brainchild
of late mother dearest)
as the world turned,
he remained holed up
(except for bathroom needs
and meal times)
inside most secure space
since he exited the womb.

Back in the day Kripalu Ashram
Sumneytown, Pennsylvania location,
which intentional community
(no longer flourishing)
offered peace of body, mind and spirit
found writer of these words
relief from parents,
whose ultimatums couched decision
livingsocial among macrobiotic residents.

Although welcomed for brief hiatus
against domestic backdrop
of psychological torment and trauma
(yes verbally skewered
gratis those two people
who helped beget their sole son),
the tranquil physical environment
extensive acreage incorporated
wooded hillocks, which topography resembled
324 Level Road - boyhood home
(an abode long since demolished
to make room for vinyl city)
afforded consciousness expanding
sensory perception awakening.

Since spiritual immersion
fostered by Guru Dev (i.e. Amrat Desai),
(whose reputation sabotaged,
violated, and yanked off pedestal
by his own stealthy appeasement
unleashing hormonal secretion
granting call of the wild
concerning tenderloin temptation
read carnal concupiscence
(impossible mission to maintain celibacy)
flagged above iterated transgression
blatant barenaked lady
espied flagrante delicto,
amazingly enough, which fall from grace
explains reason residents abandoned facility.

Mindfulness philosophy toward existence,
especially listening to structures of silence
constitutes mantra that endured
since familiarity learning heightened vigilance
(more'n half my life time ago)
experiencing honing sensation
with laser like focus
that buffet five senses.
Jerry Howarth Jan 2022
TWO SELFISH BROTHERS
This is a story bout two brothers; the older one an outdoors hunter,
the younger a buiness man. Their Father's favorite son was the hunter, their Mother's favorite son was the businss man. These two brothers didn't get along too well with each other, and were always
competing against each other for the love of their Mom and Dad.
Now listen to a onversation between the Father and his hunter son.

"My son, as you know, I am very old and have not been feeling
too good these past few weeks. I could die any day now, but before
I do, I'd like to have some more of that tasty venison that you make, one more time before I die and I will make you number one in my will."

"Ok Dad" he replied "I'll go get my bow and **** a young deer and be honored to fix you a batch of venison meat."

"Oh and uh, son keep it to yourself about the will. I don't even want
your Mother to know about it and of course your big brother."

But some how his wife overheard the conversation and secretly told
the youngr son about her husbands plans, and so contrived a scheme to reverse the plans.

"Now that big brother of yours may know how to hunt, but he doesn't know a ten dollor bill from  a hundred dollor bill. You are the buisness man in our family, and would know how to invest and trade and increase the wealth of our family. So here is my idea. Go out to the goat pen and **** two of them; I know how to fix them to taste like that garbage that your Dad likes so well, and that way he will put you first in his will."

"Gee Mom, I don't know about that plan. For one thing Dad will not be able to see who he is talking to, because he is blind, but his smell is still real keen, and that would give it away that I'm not him. No, Mom I don't think your plan will work."

Mom: "Son, just do what I tell you to do. Ive got this all figured out. Now go out to the goat pen and ****, butchure and skin out two young goats. I know how to cook them so thy taste like that venison your brother makes for your Father; he will never know know difference."

So that's what the younger brother did, exactly as his Mother instructed him to do.

Son: "But Mom, Dad will know the difference between me and  my brother, by smell and touch. For ne big difference, I am of a smoth skind man wheras my brother is a hairy skined man, and in addition, dad will know by the smell between us. He smells like the outdoors and I smell like,  well not the outside, so what's your plans for those two things?

Mom: " I've already thought about those problems, son  and I am way ahead of you. As for the smell problem, you're going to be wearing his shirt and jeans and jacket, and for the touch problem
I'll just put some of the goat skin on your hands and arms and on your neck. He will never know the dfference between you and your
brother. So let's get going on this, before your brother gets back from hunting a deer and preparing the venison meal.

This next scene takes place with young brother feeding his Father the venison meal that his Mother made from the young goats.

Father: "Well you sure made good time, son; you were not gone long this time at all."

Son: "Well" (lied the  son) Dad, I prayed to your god for a quick ****,
and he answered my prayer and sent a deer right under me, and you know how acurate I am with my bow, so I pinned him right in it's heart. Because your god blessed me wth a quick **** I had more time to dress it and prepare my venison stew. Go on Father, dig in to it. I set it right in front of you."

The father had some doubts about which skn he was daing ith, and so he did a few proof checks befor e he sarted eating.

Father: "I sure appreciate your doing all this again for me. Step ovr to me and let me give you a big fatherly hug. Excuse me son, now don't take what I'm going to say to you wrong or take offence by it, but your voice doesn't sound your elder brother's, but you have his smell about you and are hairy.    
  
Father began to eat and commented about the delisciouse stue, saying how good it was, but noted a slight difference in the taste and mentioned his fact to is son.

Son: "Oh well, I put a slight diffrent seasoning in it, I thought you might like it". He lied again to him "What do you think? Do you like it?"
Son: "Uh Father, now uh, you said somethimg about making me the first son to inhrerit your uh, you know all or the largest...."

Father: "Oh yes, I did and I will. If you you go into my office, in he roll top desk, in the right hand little pull out drawer is a key that unlocks the safe, which is actually that large photo of me standing in a field of barley. Take that photo down and behind it is the safe. To open it you need to turn the spin lock all around to the left then....."

After  father completed explaining the safe lock numbrs, his son brought him the legal papers among which, one was the Birth Rite of the oldest son.

Father: "Son, as you know I am almost blind, so you will need to bng yor Mother in to write your name in the designated line."

Mother is more then willing to come into the office, and sign her youngest son's name to the legal papers, making him the sole owner of the entiyer family estate.....
AND THE ***** LITLE SCHEME WAS FNSHED.

You have just read the true story in modern conversationof Jacob stealing his older brother, Esau's Birth Rite, as recorded in
Genesis 27:1-29.

Now let's see what spiritual applications we can gleen from this account.

I. I see Spiritual Self Will
A. Both parants waned the sgame thing for their sons. Actually God's will was for Jacob to have the leadership n the family from the *** go

— The End —