all battles ceasing
during evening's frosty glare,
heaving into jet-black,
kinetic light marred night open.
"outgoing, probably.."
questions raising soldiers tickingheartbeat
until voracious whitelight xplains.
yesterday, zeal and blood caromed, deadly,
erratic, for...god...
hours. i just keep
learning more nightmares
overandoverandover.
peace...quiet...rarely
surviving things under
vicious weather,
xcept yule's zest
abolishes
****** christmases.

It's something maple,
something thick when
you breathe, like dark
chocolate, like tinnitus,
like overandoverandover
again, hard to explain.

I have never met anyone
that could fade and still
burn like you do.

Smooth violence,
bottomless in all its
eternity, moving in water
so deep the ripples never
make it to the surface.

It's not weightless. It never
is, but it waits there, half-
suspended, fixed and
unfixed, solid but slippery
in your hands.

Hold your breath. She
knows you in a way the
angels don't. There's
something she coaxes out
of your chest, something
dark she rolls her tongue
around.

The act of inaction and the
odds, particularly of getting
by unscathed, may be slim
and far between, but the stares  
last longer, everything in  
h
  o
    u
       r
         s

So, there's this musical that I've become obsessed with.
That's normal, right?
Yeah.
I suppose.
Naturally, I've been listening to the soundtrack.
Over and over and overandoverandover because that's what I do.
I replay things until they're so old I can't bring myself to care.
But that isn't the focus of this one - that'll be covered another time, when I have a chance, when I've got a life.
A song on this soundtrack that I seem to favor is titled "Waving Through A Window", and I'm just amazed by the artistry of this particular song. It's so focused, guys.
It's real.
The singer is trapped behind a personality he's built up for himself, you know?
It reminds me of me - trapped behind a hypothetical "window" of sorts, fighting myself just to get out and be seen for once.
But there's also that fear of not being liked, of not being accepted, because I'm really a horribly numb human and I don't want to scare anybody away.
So I guess I'll just keep waving through this ******* window.

a cocktail of fear,
self loathing, and ego
swirled into the mist
of love, lust, and longing.
this mixture bleeds into
his words, which bleed out
of his heart, and fall into
places no one sees; pages,
places, and mediums such
as these.

"enough of those poems.
you'll never move on just
writing the same sad verse
overandoverandover again.
jesus, this one is even more
pathetic than the last. whatever chris."

Forget me lost here
I'm right behind the
forgotten soul survivor

                         you're the Truth
I'm the lie

sinking in the depths

what do I need
to crawl back up
my muscles tear, my body aches
                             the same button stops working overandoverandover&overagain; *******
i strain it all you're the light to my day the sugar to my tea
yet my tea is never sweet enough
bitter burning tongue tasting wallowing sadness ****
                                
             Simple words, the curse of my being
how powerful they seem
one affect over the other saying
~hello, I am death, destroyer of words
how courteous thou art, how brave, and wonderful

(I'm onehundredandten%ready, dear)

informing madness slowly softens me so I dare not respond
i forgot now did i, same capitalization as it ever was
I i I I I i i I love you, I love your idea, the picture the
bitter burning tongue tasting wallowing sadness ****
that's how I live and feel, it's not that bad
waiting it out, waiting it out
time's a bunch of different strands
notes played by Orpheus
come to me my love, where you go I go
staring at the water I don't
you're my own reflection to love
burning O song of the Sun
waiting it out, waiting it out
I love you, you love me
hopefully
waitingwaitingwaitingwaiting
you're the most beautiful girl in the world
that's a glorious fact
I'll keep waiting
waitingandwaitingwaiting
lying sleeping dreaming writing waiting waiting
blasphemy mouth of the Universe, tell me
why must I wait for her in eternal strands
waiting longer shorter faster slow down slow down
over and over again waiting

I'm the most patient man in the Universe.