Donate to me your time.
And I'll forever give you all of mine.

You wouldn't have to wonder.
Where I'll be?
For you will be right beside me.

We'll be unseperable.
That friends/kins will question that about us.

So, donate me your time.

I'll be the radiance of the sun keeping you smiling.
I will.
I know I can.
It's true.
I see this daily in you.

I'll be the enlightment of the moon glow.
That enhances your eyes to glow more.
Yes, I will.
My love will seal this deal.

Donate to me your time.
I'm asking you.
And requesting it too.

There's no reasons for anyone to be alone.
Unless they chose to be.
But concerning you.
If you're seeking love.
Then like the Temptations, I'm beggging you.

To donate to me your time.

I spoke for it.
And if I must I'll vote for it.
I know , if I was in a competition.
I would win.
I admit to myelf without being conceited.
I'm a very good man.

Think about it.
Ponder it.
Then when you find truth within my message.
Donate to me your time.

This a winning proposition.
Which I shouldn't have to mention.
Truth always wins out.
When you let the answer come out of your mouth.

Remember, I'll forever give you mine.
If you donate to me your time.
Love don't have to take so long.
Give it up.
And come along.

Hello, queen bee. How nice of you to visit me.

I see you everyday, and everytime my words get lost on the way.

Im speechless and out of breath.
I am feeling like theres none left.

The time of I day I see you there
Is the time of I day I run out of air.

Next time I promise I'll tell you truths.
So please be patient and come back soon.

My apathetic mug leaves you the first impression.
So now I'm stuck with this depression.

Knowing I am nothing and going through hell.  
Engulfed with regret, I dwell and dwell.

If only you could see what I can truly do, maybe I could be your only truth.

So wait for me please, I'm begging you.

Keep killing me with your smile, I don't mind.

Queen bee, until next time.

Yours truly, Ivan.

im the one who adjust myelf in a way that leaves little to the imagination
embracing every depression with heart and will
manners of ther heart or manners of the head
choose with caution even if its something to dread
how tall was i before i became old?
before the brittle earth took a hold of my eyes?
i was six-foot-nine on the day of my third birthday
put upon a pedestle in front of my world
not quite human yet
not a care in my heart
no tastes of my own medicine
too naive, but still very alive

im living in a dustbin you dont love me anymore
living in the darkness no window or a door
locked inside myelf no daylight do i see
since the day you left when you walked out on me.

living in a world that now feels so cold
no one there for me. no body there to hold
now my world is dark all the light as gone
living in a dustbin now im the lonely one

living in the dark each and everyday
my lifes not the same since you walked away
left here in the gloom. my worlds an empty place
now my world is empty just an empty space

im living in a dustbin you dont love me anymore
living in the darkness no window or a door
locked inside myelf no daylight do i see
since the day you left when you walked out on me.

living in a world that now feels so cold
no one there for me. no body there to hold
now my world is dark all the light as gone
living in a dustbin now im the lonely one

Panic strikes me
as I realize that
I'm alone

Alone for the first time--
and I don't know
what to do with myself

All these people
Insistent beeping, buzzing,
rolling, shutting

My collective mind
Unraveling
Before my eyes as I have
No one to talk to
to
Connect
with

Floundering
thumbing through
my contacts
to find someone

Anyone

To make me feel wanted,
to feel that my company,
even if through a phone,
is wanted, that I am
desirable

As I fold in on myelf
the Layers turning inward,
eating themselves--

The waitress leans down and asks:

Is everything okay?

I respond, muttering:

mmhm.

It's killing me from the outside in
you know...

But I don't say that

As the layers fold,
the only thing that remains
is a scared little girl
just as frightened as she was
the day she opened her eyes
underwater
and looked around
and realized how eerily
vast and deep the water was...

It still scares her.
It scares me.
And I realize
that the one thing
I can't stand more than
Anything
more than death itself:
is being alone.

Why?

Because when I am
alone with my thoughts
That vastness
that deep ocean of nothingness
bathed in a burning, purified chlorine
Haunts me

Because I cannot fill it,
not even with the deepest of thoughts,
the most vivid sentiments
Cannot satisfy the depths
of the reflective blue against
a slate of unfeeling cement

I have always considered
Myelf a dead thing.
Or at least in some form,
Close to my expiration.

I don't feel this way to be
Edgy or draw attentions
To my sufferings,
I just feel it.

I feel a lot of things though,
Kind of like the washing
Machines in laundry mats:
Stagnant and worn but with purpose;

Used soley to cleanse other
People of their miseries
And add another layer of
Decay in my basin.

But meeting you was like,
The mechanic coming right before
The final stretch, before all
Of my insides finally gave out.

Mending the wires and veins
So frayed from use with only
Your softness, your fingers
Caressing away years of age

To see fresh metal underneath.
You cleaned the cogs and bones
Of their filth and reminded me
That I am not broken.

And though I could think
Of nothing better to equate
The effect you have on me
To anything other than a

Broken washing machine,
Know that you played a part
In keeping me going for
A little while longer.

how can I make a translation
of these never before felt feelings
if their language I don’t possess
one of which mine ears
have never had a previliage
of previous precous encounter
and one which overwhelms so powerfully
mine eyes;  and my tongue but in realisaton
is powerless to pronounce
yet can do nothing else than confront them
these feelings, these feelings, oh these feelings
a painted mosiac of plasure and gulit
that leaves me in such a quandadry as I don’t know why
yet has me beliebve that the only thing  I trust
any longer is this very moment; the moment with him
where pure and untainted feeelings break upon me
as foamed waves upon a pebbled beach
where convention does disintigarte
in splintering bursts of Vulacn light
oh to be yet disintangled in my mind
to be detached, feeling each succeeeding thought
as it seperates itself from the centreal core of my mind
to examine them in the srange sub-lit detachement
where I find myelf now floating
there is no known languange for its expression
these feelings, these felings, these feelings
only Raleigh, only Raleigh, I hope

These days I get lost more often that not
In a labyrinth of escaping echos,
They belch out obscene words, each one left
Behind like red hot embers for me to pick up.
I strip myelf bare before you today, to say:
I will not be outshined, I will not 
be swallowed whole,
not by any of the black holes you hurl towards me like
shooting stars
(Come now dear, close your eyes and make a--)
Wishes don't come true by wishing.
You don't scare me, don't you
see? The monster under my bed I used to hide from--
its just a part of your hurricane heart
I get it now, 
now that time has healed those scars, leaving 
in its place opalescent stars--
You, 
you were just the by-product of tear-stained pillows and 
the (not so) occasional broken bottle

I strip myself bare before you today, to say:
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry my monsters were gaping mouths and mocking eyes, and yours--
yours were tangible fury and broken bones
slurred words and hollow tones I'm so
so sorry.
 
I strip myself bare before you today to tell you: 
I forgive you.

What you see on the outside is only superficial
My thoughts and feelings go deeper than you know
To love myself could be more than just a dream
One day I pray it will show itself to me
My mind goes blank
My heart's so numb
I feel nothing for myelf
No compassion, no mercy
and no feeling of love
I bleed like everyone else
I breathe like everyone else
And I'm no better than anyone
I'm equal to everyone
Like they are equal to me
In God's eyes it seems
I am vain sometimes
But I feel heartache all the time
I must be hurting
Can't you see?
Me, Myself,
and my perception of me

All I need are simple things,
Just to have you look my way,
Just to see your smile,
To hear your laughter.

But things get complicated and I find myelf needing more,
I need to be in your embrace,
Need your kiss,
Your touch,
All I need is you.

I need you.

A fire burns inside my soul
Searing away the pain
Your body pulled close to me
Your hands keep me there
Heat and passion fill my heart
Never letting go

But you left and took my heart
I thought it would return
The pain I kept, the love I lost
Off the edge of the world
I step

Longing to feel your love
Wanting you for myelf
Feeling your arms around me again
Your lips I long to touch

Far away my heart is happy
Very far away
So close am I to your sweet touch
But so far away...

Is love

In my life, never did I've regretted my decisions
For I knew what I was doing to my life
Or at least I pretended to;

Now, those simple plea of my Mother years ago
All those advices and sweet words, I've never listened
Came crashing every faith I have in me
Drowning me in realizations

Why did I not listened to her?
What have I done to myelf- to my life?

The inevitable is now clear
Those stubbornness I possess
Leaded me to my story now- lost and helpless;

For never did I knew I've lost my path back home
When I kept on chasing after dead dreams my heart seeks- without looking back;
And never listened to the words of wisdom my Mother partaken for me;

Now, having no accomplishments only regrets
I slowly drift back to the place my heart belongs
Where my Mother awaits for my return
And welcomes me once more.

You text small books
About ocean waves
And contemplative frames of mind
And for some reason
I find myelf counting the minutes
Like by tide levels
Until you give me
something new to talk about
I need to slow down

oh forgive me father
for i have sinned

i let myelf fall again
my heart has been pinned

he who has hurt me
he who's light has dimmed

has breezed by me
like a cold wind

left my body all wobbly
as if its unlimbed

I wonder at what point
us ladies in our
many years of womanhood
stop saying,
boys are the worst
and start groaning
ugh, men, am I right?
Because even though
I  know the difference
between a boy
and a man,
I feel as if I will
always see myelf
as a foolish,
lovesick,
girl.

By: Cedric McClester

I enlisted in the army
To help my Uncle Sam
Wrapped myelf in the flag
‘Cuz that’s just who I am
But I grew up in a hurry
When I went to Iraq
See I had no idea at all
Whether I’d be coming back

When the bullets started flying
And the bombs exploded
You had best believe that I
Was locked and fully loaded
I quickly fired back
DIdn’t have to be goaded
To defend my buddies and I
‘Cuz that’s the way I soldiered

Now I suffer from
Post tramatic stress
Deployed too many times
If I had to guess
So is there any wonder
Why I’m one hot mess
And I pray every day
That I don’t regress

All of us who served
Were just grist for the mill
And those who made it out
Outnumbered who they killed
Am I a patriot today
Though my fervor had been stilled
How could I be once I realized
That needless blood was spilled



















Cedric McClester, Copyright © 2019.  All rights reserved.