we've been poisoned
with hopes and dreams
of "true love"

its hysterical
how naïve we are
we fell so hard
put ourselves on the line
for a poorly constructed ideology

you idiot
darling i'm such an idiot
to think there was good
in this world
to think there was a chance
that selfless love existed

ah, what a fool
to think marriage
was anything more
than a social norm
a convenience
that relationships
were actually based on anything
more than a false sense of
comfort and security

highschool kids
throwing away their future
bunch of immature children
tricked into thinking
that someone could make them whole
"let's get married"
"let's run away"
"we're in loooove"
we've poisoned our youth
love should be the last thing
on their mind

women giving up their dreams
men giving up their lives
for W H A T
the idea that
someone could keep them
from drowning
darling
oh darling
i wish that were true

but
w a k e u p

no one can save you
love is cursed.
we are cursed.

love,
in its own essence
does not exist
and i was such a fool
such a ****** fool
to think it lasts

i guess it just made me feel relaxed
to think that there was one part of my life
that could be just for me
i thought love was my escape
i'm holding up the world
i thought it would give me a break
rest my head
HAH
hysterical
i swear to God i'm in fits of laughter

believe in love?
ask the kid of messy divorce
ask the single mom with no idea where her baby daddy went
ask the girl with a broken heart
ask the boy who gives his all, in return for none

love
is
just
another
word
for
loss.

sorry to burst your bubble
but
your idea of "love"
**doesn't exist

Days gone by… by this point…  I’da been
Toasted
Buttered
Three Sheets To The Wind
Toe’ –up from the flo’- up
and
Highly Intoxicated
But that was then and this is now…
NOW… I don’t smoke… I don’t drink… and I don’t get high
Not no more…
BUT I DO COOK!!  And loooove my own good cooking!!
AND I DO EAT!! And loooove that too!!
With that said... here is my confession...

on the day my mother died… I consumed…
2 deep fried chicken sandwiches… a Hostess Ding ****… a Snicker Bar
And enough Apple Jacks to need an intervention and a visit to A.J.A.
Apple Jack Anonymous

So today... I repent... Say 3 Hail Mary's... and eat a salad...

Before I even brushed my teeth,
I stood for a while and stared,
At my half-asleep reflection,
Eyes widened, eyebrows raised,
I scared myself as I cried,
"Love me!"
I yelled at myself,
Then I continued with the morning.

When I stepped into the sun,
I heard the street cat purr,
Loooove meee...
He hissed and stretched.

Neighbor comforted her baby,
It wouldn't cease screaming,
"Love me, mama!"
It squealed with wet cheeks.

Each shadow faced girl,
On this cobblestoned road,
Whispered "love me"
Through glossed red lips.

Old man wilted on a bench,
With cane close by,
Grunted, "love me, love me"
At each faceless passerby.

I reached the library,
Quiet like a monastery,
"Will you love me?"
Titled every book.

Quickly I exit the back,
With my book in hand,
"No you love me!"
Man argues with his lover.

I got on a crowded bus,
And pushed my way through,
"Love me, love me, love me"
We all sang and hummed.

I entered my school,
With teeth white beaming,
L-O-V-E M-E
With each insecure smile.

I finished my loveless day,
And returned to my home,
Love. Me. Love. Me.
Clicked each step.

As I shut my eyes,
Falling fast into sleep,
My lids spelled love me,
Until the morning light.

I need loooove... Somebody to touch me... Somebody who wants to be with Meeeeeeee only.

I need loooove...Somebody to hold me, tell me that they love me, never gonna let me go!

I need someone who's someone.. Who's fair and who cares.. Someone who's there!!!

Ringing

Pick up... pick up...
Hello?
Go to the hospital.
I'm good. Don't worry about me. I'm good.
Allen, go to the hospital.
I'll get better. Stop nagging me.
You won't get better if you don't go to the hospital and get looked at.
I'm not going. I can't afford that.
You have insurance. They want to help you. I promise.
I don't have money for that. Hospitals are only for rich, white people.
Allen, go to the hospital. You are worrying me! Please just go.
No. I will get better on my own.
You need help, Allen.
No I don't. I'm good.
Allen, you don't even want help, do you? You don't even want to get better at all..
Emma, I'm fine. It will all be okay in time.
That was your point wasn't it? To make it all okay? But for who, Allen? Just okay for you? Because if you leave, I won't be okay. Please get help..
I don't want help and I don't need it anyways. I will be gone soon and everything will be better. You'll move on. Everyone will. No one cares about me anyways.
... You think no one cares about you? Allen, I love you. And you want to leave? Because you think no one cares? I care. I care about you so much. I always see those cuts on your wrists even when you always wear longsleeves because I think you are a little more comfortable around me than everyone else. I see those cuts and think *Why does he do that to himself? Is it my fault? Is there anything I can do to make him realize that he doesn't have to do that? I really try to be there for him, but maybe I am not enough for him to be happy But I still try. Even though I think that, I try to help. And I don't do that because I pity you. I do that because I love you. I love you, Allen.
... Emma, please stop.
No, Allen. I won't stop. You need to get help. I can't lose you. What about your mom? She needs you. And your little sister? She needs you. Do you want to leave your family?
EMMA STOP! I HAVE TO GO!
NO YOU DON'T ALLEN! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO!
Emma.. you are the best person I know.
Allen what's happening are you okay?
Yea... Emmmmma It'ss aaall okayyy
Allen, please get help, your words are slurring.
...
Allen can you hear me?
I loooove youu Emmmmaa. My prettyyyy Emmmma.
ALLEN STAY WITH ME! PLEASE DON'T GO!
...
ALLEN
...

*Dial-tone

I'm in love with a person who has severe social anxiety.
He does not come out of his cave unless he's got something amazing to show me.
And I am always on the run from where I live and all the noises, all the discomfort.
I'm not afraid to die, I hate my life.
I wish to be somebody, somebody that can reach you or just anybody.
But not me or my sister because she's fighting just as hard or even harder than me.
Just to live, and if I have to live I need to be with somebody that is worth surviving for.
Oh, come on, every day and night is still just getting out of hand and just not really worth it anymore.

But what can I do?
What can you do?
How can I love you?
What can I do for you?
What can we do.
How, what but....

Help, I just exploded and so I woke you when you were half asleep.
You said you didn't mind and so now we had another time to find how we relate.
We relate, relate too much.
I wish it was just me dying and miserably lonely.
But the monster had to bite you now too and it even figures that it has some real and pretty very serious kind of catching up to do.
On you, my sister and so now you're fighting just as hard or even harder than me.
Just to live, and if you have to live you need to be with somebody that is worth surviving for.
Oh, come on, every day and night is still just getting out of hand and you wonder if it really is even worth it anymore.

But now what can you do?
What can I even do?
You know I love you.
What can it do for you?
What can we do?
How, what, but...

I love you.

I'm in love but I can never love you like I wish to.
I love you but I can never be there for you.
But, what, how...

I really really really really loooove, love, love, love, will always love, will always be connected to....
Will always be in love and will always really love, love, love, yes I really always looooove you!!!

the lady keeps
blowing in
the curtain.
shes dancing for me
and she gathers no moss.
the lady is lost in the curtain.
shes waiting for me to come find her.
i found her
i bound her
to let in the light.
but i shut my eyes
because thats where she hides;
in the corner of my eye
where the light becomes shy.
in the corner of my eye
lives a mistress.
she blows wind
through her dress
she blows kisses.
when she gets undressed
her bodies a list, its:
aaalllllll the tiiiime youve wasted.
aaallll the useleeessss looove.
aaallll the loooove
you couldve had.
aaaall the tamperiiing
with evideence,
that tells you
to hoard
all those feelings you cant afford.
its so simple to know
that less is more.
the moment i passed it
i sat at a casket
thinking:
When one of us dies,
which one of us cries?
if you cant expand
then cut off your hands
theyre better served
by someone else.
you want a life
with a house and a wife,
and youll have to build
your house in hell.
a white wicked fence
a fire that never relents
a bathtub full of seashells.