"keister" poems
** ** **
Hoes be everywhere yo
I soar above a city so naughty
Inside of my flying Bugatti
I land atop the cityscape
In fear of my **** getting *****
I slip my keister down the chimney
With a present prepared for lil' Timmy
As I reach the bottom my muscles freeze
And I realize there is no milk and cookiez
Bullets fly and my suit stains red
The cartel had found me and now I'm dead
Oct 29, 2014
Oct 29, 2014 at 2:42 PM UTC
Somewhere between the mountains and the rivers of today I fell out
Landed on my keister
As usual
Face up
Searching for Heavenly Creatures
That's just what happened
I want to get back to my surprise at having
mountains and rivers
in my day.
This is a new landscape
In my mind
Evoking peace
Thank you now I will have them tomorrow too
Copyright@2018 Dennis Willis
Dec 27, 2018
Dec 27, 2018 at 3:51 AM UTC
Get up off your lazy keister,
face the facts,
Life was never intended to be simple,
in fact at times it seems inevitably overwhelming.
You fell for the delusion,
You fell into the trap,
and now it shall be what stings you the most,
Get up off your lazy keisters,
do the work,
push through the hard times,
and change your world.
Apr 1, 2012
Apr 1, 2012 at 6:39 PM UTC
Started fasting Ash Wednesday,
Forty days before Easter,
When we got to Good Friday,
We were flat on our keister,
Reflecting back upon Jesus,
He suffered much more,
Be thankful he's lead us,
To heaven's front door,
Want some warm apple pie?
Want a scoop of Ice Cream?
Want a burger and fries?
Go ahead and scream!
Giving It Up for Lent!
We repent our weakness,
Turn our backs on all sin,
Exalting Christ Jesus,
The beginning and end,
No **** young women,
Going to turn our head,
We're going to heaven,
Sharing juice and bread,
No alcoholic cocktail,
No other legalized drug,
How long 'til Palm Sunday?
I'm going to need a hug!
Giving It Up for Lent!
We don't want to be shallow,
Want to turn to the Lord,
By his light we can follow,
Be of one holy accord,
Huge was the cross he bore,
Is that steak from New York?
Deep into his flesh they tore,
We'd **** for some pork,
Upon him they spat and swore,
Don't you dare pop that cork!
Is fasting that much of a chore?
Can we smell your fork?
Giving It Up for Lent!
Dec 14, 2018
Dec 14, 2018 at 11:28 AM UTC
Ran from the police
120 cruise control
Full load
Quarter ton
Quarter water
Why you run
I got away son
8k a year 100k bill
1 billion to a couple billion
Still whip the streets
Slowly creepin
Neighbor hood watch
Fully equip 1 billion bullets 10 minutes
Pack them shells
Load that copper
In the chopper
F35 hover b f22 rapter
Gone g
Tanks like jackie chan
**** around an find out
Ran a stop sign shook run over
Locked up
Straight to jail
Hit the prison system
****** a cell
Before bail
No new whips
Have my ***** keister
A blick
**** a reaper
Actin rico
Slaughter charge
George no form
Rocca ella katt to late
Hammertown
Big tenn nasa bamma
Lay a moon landing
Smoke gods dust an blind you
You my slave
Born an raised
Slave you want 10 million
Hit up big homie
Free world
But the day come
Aliens attack
Big Zack gonna blast
Have fun an body ******
To many piled up burn them at night
Like i said
30 mins 50 billion rounds
No wood alive
Brick wood felon happy
Apr 27, 2024
Apr 27, 2024 at 10:17 PM UTC
Hey you little sister,
I hope your day's fun
And all of moonshine glitter,
Yet thrice brighter than the sun.
Hey you little sister,
Now that you're a year older,
Be brave than a rising twister,
Strong to break like a boulder.
Hey you little sister,
When days ever get rough
And you can't even smile at a jester,
I hope this poem makes you laugh.
Hey you little sister,
Wishing thee more salubrious days,
Brimming with pulchritude like the aster
Kissed by the noontide sun's rays.
Hey you little sister,
Should you ever feel low and dismal,
Sit thee down upon thy keister
And just give me a phone call.
Hey you little sister,
My wish for thee is like the sunshine;
Warm, cheery, and full of glitter;
And like a starry night, soothing & fine.
Hey you little sister,
No matter how the years go by
We'll always be one like stars in a cluster,
No matter how many birthdays fly.
Hey you little sister,
May God follow you always,
May the path always be clear
As you live to celebrate more birthdays.
©Kikodinho Edward Alexandros.
Jan 26, 2022
Jan 26, 2022 at 12:26 AM UTC
He complained, as he drove,
a car behind him too **** near;
he gazed at the speedometer,
the car was on his rear.
It passed us... doing sixty,
the speed limit, forty-five;
some drivers just like fast,
on speed, they seem to thrive.
He complained, as he drove,
other drivers were insane;
and the ones that tailgated,
they were his special bane.
No cops around when needed,
to catch that wily speeder;
to give to them, a ticket,
for riding on his keister.
He complained, as he drove,
and I heard the tires, sing;
then he got behind a car,
and did the same **** thing!
May 15, 2017
May 15, 2017 at 10:48 PM UTC
Zzzzzzz
Huh? Why? When? Where?
you know better Billy
wakin me up afore three
what is yer needin boy?
hope it ain't nothing from me
where the hell is yor Mama?
is she still at her second job?
let me know when she's home
dinner is corn off the cob
that's iffin I get offa my keister
and there aint no beer in the fridge
*** too tellin your older sister
to pick up some brews and some cigs
well get er done there now boy
don't bother me till she gets back
cuz no matter what when or why
my beauty sleep now's offa the track
*** them dogs too quit barkin
or I swear I'll be tanning your hide
get the clothes in the laundry
and the ones on the line, *** inside
cuz I'm just a slobberin swine
wife is workin two jobs for awhile
no greater dumb *** you'll find
doin a dbl helpin of nothing
un-goin the un-extra mile
Mar 19, 2018
Mar 19, 2018 at 2:56 PM UTC
He’d waited and waited
And waited some more—
He’d waited a day
And then three-sixty-four.
When it finally came ‘round,
Like a kick to the keister—
He put on his ears,
And bellowed, “IT’S EASTER!”
He ran out to hunt,
Not squirrels, but eggs—
And sniffed out a few,
Then lifted his leg.
He soiled his stash,
And though it was funny,
He knew he’d have beef
With one Easter Bunny
Apr 4, 2021
Apr 4, 2021 at 5:10 PM UTC
This averred title announced straight
away so lingering fans
(hoop fully letting me abbreviate)
a short cut so ye
can up and evacuate,
while metered time,
not yet foregone and not to late
hence best heed mine caution
which can protect minimum damage,
asper gray matter within pate
or blithely ignore
admonishment, aye accentuate
hmm...okay,...you apparently
decided to forsake adequate
prophecy, resigning despite
honest to dog admission to punctuate
a most unpleasant prediction,
I did woof lee aerate
worst case scenario,
leaving disabling genetic trait
to effect generations,
where legions of lesions adulterate
causing future offspring to mutate
and closely resemble
teenage mutant turtles, this potentate
(albeit self declared
only mein kampf, thee only life,
his existence he can arrogate
he doth officiate),
hence proceed at your own risk,
to avoid unpleasant fate,
visited upon unborn sons and daughters
uttering imprecations
unintelligible expletive laced spate,
that would approximate
(a cross between duck and pig)
incoherently gutturally excoriate
ting tee, thus don't tell me, I didn't
forewarn ya, whar
yar heart might palpitate,
thus causing da ole
ticker to fluctuate
dem eyes of yaws
could severely dilate,
while sweat gushes out every pore
streaming like liquid useless tube video,
a salty sea would then perspirate
out every last drop of fluid,
erupting magmatic plasma
to pool agglomerate
right under keister,
a lovely bag of bones
delivered to Norristown State
which inability to hydrate,
hence resultant mummification
heroic measures futile
thus humane decision would necessitate
and remaining days
on Earth numbered
starting with zero, not very great,
now this extinct reptile
hoop heed dead gratefully,
express message, and clearly articulate.
Mar 31, 2019
Mar 31, 2019 at 12:22 AM UTC