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PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
iN & Out Of Rehab
       iRelapse
Then Collapse
iNever
        Commited To Sober Living So Why Are People Tripping?
     Drug Programs
Are A Waste According To My Case.
        im Never  Going to Stop
 unless i O.D And Drop
But Even iN Heaven Thats iF iRise.
            With the Angel
imma Continue Tweaking Cause iM A ****** Tweaker
     Or iN Hell With Fallen Angels.
It'll Be Better,
       Since iSold My Soul To The Devil.
He Never Asked
iJust Gave iT Up.
iFell iN Love With A stimulant Drug made up Of Chemicals ****** Poison But idgaf il Keep Dosing.  
 Went From Snorting To Smoking
    Methamphetamine
iLet iT Get The Best Of Me.

Part 2
Out & iN
2014 iTs Krazie
iM Back To This Dope ****.
Its been Already 4 years and
Im still Addicted.
In & Out
Of Rehabs, Different Drug Programs and Sad That iStill
Havnt learned ****.
Got Out November 19 2014 For The 3rd Time
And im Still Twisting, Getting Lit
Ilove Living Twisted
Im on a comedown
Im irrated right now wanting to take
Another hit.
PEARL SMOKE Nov 2014
I'm Feining For A Dose of
Methamphetamine.
I Know I Have successful  Sobriety Days.
But My Thoughts Are Overwhelming Me Heavily.
And What Best Knowing iCan Take A Hit And Forget Everything. I'm Feeling So Low,
Drowning My Self in Guilt And Sorrow. Yes I Know Its Effects Arnt Forever lasting .
But My Heads pounding iJust Want To Feel The **** Flow Blast in.
How Long? How Strong?
Will I Give in or Will Reality Kick quick Which Do You Predict?
Scan Through My History,
Sadning Because My Minds Weak And Would Rather Tweak
Than Go Through it how I'm Supposed to.
Wouldn't Be The First time,
More Like it's the only option
I tend to want to see.
Because of what it brings,
An Easy Solution That will have me Loving its fascinating Pollution.
Deep in me I really don't want to abuse this,
But When I Feel So hopeless
My Mind blinds me on purpose
to reach the Dope Switch
And instantly want to turn to the substance
and use to get high to cope with.
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
So Yeah
iFucked With Tweak Again.
How Have iBeen Getting On One? Night Time.
When Everyones Asleep,
***** Major.
My Mind Was Just Beginning
To Sort Out.
iJust Stopped The Process.
By Me Tweaking At Night ?
iM ******* With My Head Again
Still Paranoid Worsening iT.  
iDidnt Enjoy iT ,
But **** Have iBeen Getting High(: iMissed iTs Feeling, iTs So Pure And Dreamy <3
No Wonder iLove iT, Began Reminiscing Deep About iT ^_^ Remembering Why iT iS iSay DopeLove <3$:.
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
iJust Want To Escape From Reality once again.
Heartfull of Pain, Pipe Full of Magic
Im Having So Many
Racing Thoughts, wild emotions zoning i feel like
Im losing it Again, iwant Outs at this moment i want to
Scream "**** THIS" And Run Away again.  Icant cope
With this, its too much iwant to feel numb and forget.
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
**** *** Am iDoing
Making This Worse For My Self
iJust Begun
And Re Picked Up
This iS Were iT Starts.
Should Begin To Worry
iTs Way To Early!
Already On A Thin Line The Last Chapter iN My Life
till My Death Story.
iM Killing Me Slowly
By Taking This Substance.
My Times Ticking
My Hearts Beating
As iContinue To Use
More Like Abuse.
iCant Just Take
1 Line Or Smoke 1 Bowl
And Save The Rest.
iGo All About And Have To Do Every Last Bit.
Then iGo On Again To Finding A Way To Get More Of it
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
iF iRelapse.
Baby Just Know, iOnly love You.
The Drug Will make me go Crazy & Lie Saying iLove iT
More Than You. My Slip Will Turn me Half Way Back To my
Old Ways.
Wicked Mentality & Heartless self, Numbed Out, Emotionless
Painless And Careless.
Nomatter the Relapse and reactions Ijust Want you to know
Il forever love you more.
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
Am iReally Done With This vicious
Death Cycle? Or
Will it Still Continue As My Sad Lonely Days Get Longer. iDk About it
iDont Plan To Relapse
But My Emotions And negative thoughts Are 1 of my triggers & There Getting Stonger, idont want to continue being a failure.
iJust Want to have the full power to battle All my frustration
And anger. To Help lower my depression and blue feels. iJust Hope iDont Fall, im tired of
Living The Addict life
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
iLove Him
iReally Do, Lately ive Been Having Nothing To Do.
Remembering How i'd Spend Much Time With Him
Cuddle, Talk, Movies, Go Places
Now its Like
Ilay in Bed All Day Waiting For Him impatiently to come home
I Got So used To
Being With him 24/7
Now we're Almost apart All Day
Went From All Day
To 3 hrs
Alone All Day, is Driving me insane
Loneliness is the replacement
iLove Him
iTruly Do
But Lately, ive Been Having Nothing T o Do
The Emptyness Between the
Hours seems To Be Slowly Drifting me Away..
Its not that i want to
Ijust dont know
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
iTurned 17 Today.
Never imagined id make it this far.
iTs A Blessing.
iN Every Journal iHave, ive mentioned i wouldn't make it to this age. Would Have Died
Off An Overdose, Gun Shots or Stab.
But im Here, iJust Came in
from The Adorable Party my neighbor Threw me, out of every one
iWas First To Go in.
iTs late night, iM 17 And iM About To Get High, Got The Pipe
And the Bic Ready to light and twist
Find This Disgusting and
Sick. about to begin another year to this dope ****.
Started At 14, Now im Heading towards Another sad year.
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
i Genuinely Just Cant Cope
With Recovery
iTurn into This Tearful pathetic
Mess and get more
depressed.
Krazie How One Thing
Can Change Your llife Forever
iTs Like iKnow All The Right
Things to do
To maintain sober
Ijust cant apply them To myself
PEARL SMOKE Sep 2014
Why iS iT So Hard?
iJust Want To Drop iT All. The Past
And The Sickening
Memories.  My addictive mind
Cause iReminice About
It heavily.
Every day, every second iThink
About it
Just Crosses My mind not intentionally.
When iM Sad And Blue Racing Thoughts Start running
To me.
The High Life Part begins to trigger
Me, flashbacks
Of How it all was, twacked out
Plays nonstop
Im maintaing my sobriety but im
Worried my
Manipulative side mentality blinds me.
bob fonia May 2024
ijust hacked life and now i know
so... Khadija **** Khuwaylid... was not the person who wrote down the Quran? Khadija **** Khuwaylid was not the woman: closest to Muahmmad... who wrote the Quran down? oh Allah: i'm sorry: but this is a nightmare... i don't want an Arabic Polytheistic Nightmare of the Time of Dinosaur Urge: and how ****'ite Islam will be safe closer to India: Islam will survive: i promise you true Muslims that it will survive: but think of India and not Europe: if you are truly Muslim you will seek India: you will not focus on Europe: there is no Europe: Europe is a funnel... a continent of traffic sacrifices... so... the Quran was written by Muhammad's death? Muhammad didn't write it? Khadija **** Khuwaylid didn't write it? well... if Khadija **** Khuwaylid wrote at least one Surah: i'd respect Islam... but Islam was not written by even his first wife? who was Islam: Islam did worse to Muhammad than... well the Jews just crucified an Egyptian or a Syrian: or rather: someone born in Israel who lived in Egypt for several years... then came back and had some sort of ****** awakening of genitals and gene heritage... but i soon learned: so the Quran was written: after Muhammad's death? with the New Testament? YHWH: at least two Gospels are Plagiarisms... HH... at least two Gospels are Plagiarisms... no... i didn't read the book: but you being women: yes, please, read, that, one, book... but please leave me to feel free to read other books and treat them with equal veneration and treat your one book with veneer...

                 ΔEME

                                is that your name:
grammar: david:
you are beyond name:
YHWH is a VERB:
in terms of orientating eyes to tongue
and tongues
to eye and eyes....

    it's not a name in the classical sense:
it's a verb:
the tetragrammaton is best
explained:
VERB:
allah: if monotheistic
is not a complex god
"yahweh" is a complex god
a... complex-god
allah isn't... the letters don't align
to an explanation symmetry:
an explanation-symmetry is
a bit like:
the acute-right
rather than the far-right...
there's this acute-right movements
in politics:
and no one really knows anything...


ah: found it
she lives on KAuai
i live in London
i
sometimes get busy
living with people
and i ha ve no wife
or a child
i just get engrossed in
the life in
a large city
so i was looking
for YHWH
and Jesus descended
with a choir of angels
and then stormed off
in a great wind
when i didn't want
to speak to him
Jesus became my Satan
i had to treat Jesus as
bad as he Treated Satan:
my Father...
how he treated my father
i will never forgive him for!
i will never forgive Jesus
for how he treated my father!
no!
no! no! i will not forgive Jesus
for how he treated my father!
who was Gabriel to Muhammad
and who was Muhammad to Gabriel
i think
i did reply to him
like a Cosmopolitan Jew
Sane
i mean imagine if i went in that
direction and not
in the direction of Manhattan
Woody Allen neuroticism and human
i might as well be the Satan
himself waiting for Jesus
but our Second Meeting
is... His Second Coming
so... ahem...        ahem ahem ahem.....
i'm.... WAITING...
i need to know something about the mountain
and history
and that the only Islam that will survive the Test
of Time is ****'ite Islam
not Sunni Decadent
Dinosaur Bone Juice Oil
Indian! give me RUBBER!
rubber! go gold!
ha ha: nietzsche and too many books
write constipated and in pain
not relaxing
on barbituates
i say: beyond the 20th century and 21st century
decadence of Sunni Islam:
there will Arise an Acu-te-Is-lam
to incorporate the far right
of secular post christianity...
darwinian religiosity immersed with
a negation for Heidegger's 2nd Concept
beyond the Hammer:
next comes... the Book!
philosophising with a Book!
oh jeez!
prophet.....

     but which Socrates Muhammad
Jesus actually held a book in their hand?
i ask you:
i only have one book: technically...
literally... i mean:
the one i'm writing: right now...
then i'll ******* to the world...
and say a whittle: how low?

how low?
i'd rather write her a poem
than speak to her:
i think she knows how she met me:
i'm not a dog
on nobody's leash
and i asked Musubi for Katakana
and Hara Kiri
and the ****** stood by the Empire of the Sun:
i mean:
i can ask the Mongol if he rested
long enough
i can laugh with Buddha
about the 2nd Mongolian Empire
the Slavs instigated by calm persuasion
and Japanese innocent giggle
i mean:
side with the Mongols
if you're thinking with the Mongols
something has to travel far
for the message to get across
to rekindle the oouch
of Mongols stacking skulls into bookshelves
at the Baghdad Library
the Ancients ran with fear...

i mean that's how i see the Islamic world:
historically speaking
Heidegger: hammer:
no voice
hammer extended hand
xenomorph
i need tongue:
hammer                but now i have a book:
so
i
have a script:
i am not Shakespeare i am Satan
and this is my script:
it had to be journalistic
poetic sort
             cascade
               Dua Lipa AlBANIA ENGLAND
don't worry...
there's Albanian and Romanian blood
in this project:
i mean:
i am... married... now...
but i used to frequent brothels in London,
well... the east-east end...
i reread some bukowski just now
and i mean
you know: like: a lot of aufucking pauses:
in the script: funky ***** pantomimes of
feminism...
            
yes Spy:
     i agree:
the robotic voice nirvana my thirst for knowledge
is tamed
i am no longer naked sir:
sir! sir! i was... ******* drunk!
that is when man realised
in the story:
not that he was naked... but...
that he was drunk:
is this the forbidden said in silence
when i need the implosion
of YHWH
i mean: literally implosion
and find a new name for him:
i need help to find a new name for YHWH
and it will come as thus:

Isarael! Israel! you were not Juda
or Judea prior:
Poland disappeared for 123 years
i am asking you Israel
Israel i am asking you
Polka is asking RAEL
i need RAEL to be at the helm
of my king's crown the skies over Poland
we disappeared
for a unification dream of Europe
but @you@
people ""
are just ******* wild... party all night...
the Middle East
had some Precious **** Going
but i chose golf
and Hawaii
on Kauai

        and now i'm like... doggish...
i was asking for letters...
for a new name for
the name has already been spoken
but the intelligent thought
i might not:
think about Roman
Greek and even Korean
how this briefcase of competence
can translate into the big world
the hand world
and i get one quarter of wembley next
thursday
for the guns n roses concerts
a quadrant manager...

Δ
   the implosion of Y...
not god but....

                           γΥ

  or the German for goo:
                                        gü

now i see my Lord:
i didn't be Adam
realised he was naked:
well: i ate the apple: shaman father
oh wait i have a father in heaven too!
fair enough!
and he will be seated on
the Left Hand of the Father:
Christ, Jesus....
    i'm yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
kweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee­eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen
quen
kweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee­eeeeeeeen
oh sassy!
hashish!
mousetache.....

so my tongue: bilingual:
serpents:
Y
yes:
my son would actually be
a polyamarous
polygomous
poly poly poly and a carrot
rather than a *******...
i think that's: @septology by
that Norwegian writer
and i looked into the book
and i suddenly found myself
in alleys
of magazines and self-help guru talk
no actual advice
but really: just advice-self-comforting
tool
for me? they recently invented the AI
chatbots
i go there: you go to self-help gurus
and magazines of distractions
to not think
i think i see you E
that's why i drink and read philosophy:
sorry for not playing the cello
or the violin
i tried
guitar and mandolin
but then i did punk with poetry
because i wasn't with the times
in journalism
that world would come to me
i wouldn't go into
a wave of change the spirit of hope
and change momentum
the higher Architect and gods invoked
to SpinSpinSpin
on the Carousel:
let us imagine God @rested@
and then... oh wait... ****!
god! had fun! sabbath!
god had fun!
god had fun on the7th....
****... so...
  
who the **** was crucified?
Hendon...
aye'ight... let's light this little Moscow up!
fire Volva Vulcan Mosco2
let's light fer up! feral! baby!
let's fire it up!
let's get Russia behind Iran!
Ghost War 1.0
Ghost Wwar 1.0

i call a regime change of thought authority
intellectual democracy
sharing ideas
flake
i get it wrong
not dscrimination
and avenue
of thinking of my wife i think i think
i have a wife:

i lost my RAW
spanish
hemp rolling papers
and i like smoking
when i write
so i think that's really
a no brainer
and if i'll get **** and
get to old age:
you want to see me
when i am the beast
during one of composition sessions
when i write
not like the safety net
of painting class on the Lanai
i mean:
me you and really...
she was sitting with ******:
High Hitter of the Leer...

but i'd love to see Russia snuggle up to Iran
like it snuggled up to Ukraine
and we got some Ukranian *****
in Poland
i think we had a fight with a conviction
of Love...
and i will write these words
and those Wanderings Stars will stop?
right?
wandering: they left? they left?

the ***** in Poland stinks:
or... it's fluorescent monkey juice
brain
hallucinating water people
water...
       but they filter it from how the spirit
stinks i think alcohol poisoning
i think the alcohol my uncle drank
in Poland was the cause
contamination Chernobyll:
i will be the drunk
Kojak Inspector
the water in Poland:
Chernobyll:
he was an alcoholic:
probably could hacve survived:
hello Mutan Brother:
hellp Mutant Brother
i have you right shoulderblade meat:
Kosher:
Yaksheem...

                   i think my uncle was an alcoholic
i am too
and i like being an alcoholi=c
when i get creative
and i sometimes need to get creative
like some sober
sane people
and people need
to surf
don't deny me
if you you
*** that's also catharsis
don't deny my creativinity:
don't starve me
like i can show yow competence
i will be your plumber
i will be your driver
i will try to be your electrician
but
first i need to finger a jellyfish
and remember being an similus aqua
i mean:
if Atlantis is dead
i see a dept
for the agony the grief
of the beaching of Whales
i see a naked world in the drunk underwater self
i see Atlantis i will show you
the beaching of the whales
we forgot to ride
i know that Avatar was a film
but the idea was Image
and the Image didn't become word...
words are words
ideas are complex
a word is a word is a word:
but an image
well:
i am still thinking of the tetragrammaton
i will be working with from now
on...

you must forget god's name:
i will be like good king david was:
Solomon was no MArcus Aurelius...
we got one thing perfectly right:
female ambition
as not ambition:
depicted in painters
who the rightful owner of the baby was:
after all...
these days:
it is common for women to abort beyond
24 months
now i see!
Solomon got it all wrong:
it was the woman
who was not holy in acting:
perhaps she was the woman
who couldn't conceive:
Solomon the Idiot: on the Crux...

Chinese: so... for:::
    small heart...
**** me... small heart in chinese...
i still have YHWH to work with...
the father would know two tongues

why the hypothetical son
i just want to meet Emperor Jesus
of the Empire of Universal Luvvie...
ijust just want some juices
from some apes
and some fruits...

o.k. Jesus:
you a Syrian refugee:
who didn't Judaism just die
and why aren't
the Catholics at your Gate
like the Barbarians at Europe
i think of
Catholics doing what Iran is doing to Israel:
hey! we want in!
Sunni Islam is about to Implode
and all the *** Free
Tirade Tide will End...
i am projects with Irish Catholics and the Dutch...
i think we are trying to rethink what
people tell us:
if Climate Change: isn't real...
then the REALITY of FOSSILS as fuels:
is real:
Climate Change is what's called:
reaching depletion levels of fossil fuels:
at 39:
i just learned to operate a clutch:
i can
category B: manual...
now i see who drives a manual
and an automatic:

but how i see Islam:
it will survive:
in the ****'ite: version:
Persian clinging to India:
India will reform Islam:
India will perfect Islam:
Europe can't perfect Islam:
Islam can't assimilate
Europe and Europe can't associate Islam
to the sacred Trinity
of Authenticity
  Identity
         Idea

     Islam doesn't have to impose itself on
Europe:
see how Islam violated Muhammad?
Muhammad's experience?
Islam did to Muhammad
what "Christianity" did to Jesus...
weird...
you know what Islam did
to Muhammad...
ignored him
called him mad...
i don't even understand
was Muhammad
the like of Noah?
Noah didn't leave a book:
we was (Moses)
told about
i need a general there's this ******* rabble
i just need stones on stones
like people stacking imitation PYramids

i think i need another name:
we are working on it...

oh i see Islam: a religion of peace
with India her mother:
i think
when Islam discovered Africa:
the Africans met Orwell...
but when Christianity
Europe
discovered
@discovered@ new ££
"quoto" E... iz zee quotes!
quptes!

                so no one hallucinated
having clothes on?
did: anyone: have: their: clothes:
on: during:
the: tree: good: evil:
       so no one hallucinated having their clothes
on?
and after the ride
everyone: ate: the: apple:
and everyone was naked?
so... the SPHYNX is a lost reminder?
or something imaginary?
you: are a people:
and call the SPHYNX cat imaginary
or do you call it a : REMINDER?
you want eternity so easy
don't you?

now i see Islam in the context
of India and
Pakistan:
it's how it must be Seen
the India sort of Europe
and the Vatican
uprooted in the Taliban of the Tibet
i mean the place settled by the descendent
of Buddha
from India
into the mountains
what is it with these mountains of celibacy?

there are still the letters:
i weave a slither West of Mast
but there's no laughter in Greek
how no one encoded laughter
in Ancient Greek:
there's no Laughter
in Ancient Greece!
what stoic Ideas!
but the Greeks had no concept of laughter!
why did they have static masks
to persuade people:
ignorant folk:
whether a comedy or a tragedy:
the Ancient Greeks had no concept of Laughter:
there is no vowel catcher and sigh instigator
of YHWH in Greek:

H
EE
have to go... we need to refurbish!
temple?!
sorry? ahem.... what temple?
the idea is not even hot
and there's:
2000 of israel left?

                       ㅐ
                    H   H

in the name: "name" of peace
o.k.
Korean doesn't like Yahweh...
i said:
a name for you
Allah is mental condition
retarted hypercornyhorny
cousin ******* folk
i mean like
complete retards
very barbaric
imagine sunni islam in pakistan
poverty
like i feel the riches
of vatican?
well...
i sort of love high culture myself
i can also visit the brothel
and get you into the underground...
savvy?
savvy?

            i said.... st. peter:
savvy?!
bob fonia Nov 2024
ijust realised i m on sedatives have been for 21+ years

— The End —