I’m hanging
on the ‘y’
of your goodb  e
                         y

You call me when you need me
not because you want me
you say goodbye when you want
not when it suits me

What happened to secrets?
now my life's out in the open

What happened to love?
You gave your heart to another girl
now I am stuck in the dirt
begging at your feet

Do I need to cry myself to sleep?

I will not take this pain
there is no gain
so just let me end it hear
this is my last call
Goodb.. Silence.

Something in the way shapes take tonight
The lilt of cello bones
tastes of far reaching

I think the trees moved
reaching into the road
light pools
to put things into my head

I want to lay each sentence into lines
in the way that heart beats
thick and heavy
only to pick them up into my lungs
little devil hands little devils hands

to
lead me off the road

your eyes and
the night that I forgot to drive on the wrong side of the road
drifted slowly to meet the mud bank
anyway
gaze intent at my hands in the half light
Wrapped around roots like a farewell embrace
that moment of elongated suspension

like the last time they spoke

pause and breath
pulled in and pushed out
and
lift
For the first time since I was five
The rush falls away
there sits the world

goodb

--
*ye

"the past is in the past"
yeah right
that's what they always say
but just because something is in the past
doesn't mean it'll go away
it's already there and it'll always be there
and if you don't know what i mean by "it"
i mean that void in your soul
that slowly corrupts and consumes you
Is that emo enough for you?
do you think i'm faking all of this?
do you think i'm just over-think until my thoughts drown me?
do you think i'm pretending?
i may be a liar but i'm not dissembler
you knew i couldn't handle it, i'm not a fighter
but you didn't care, i could've thrown myself off the building and you wouldn't have known
so that's what i did
goodb--


the hard,rough and cold cement hit her hard, such a shame she will never be able to finish her sentence

She tells me that I am a failed experiment,
One part tragedy and two parts disappointment.
She tells me that I need to DIE.
She’s more than just a voice inside of my head
She is a completely different person.
Renting half of my brain
How can the one thing that’s mine feel like a shared space.
I am split in half
I loose control, loose footing in a life I falsely call my own
I lose time, seconds, minutes, hours, days
I cannot function with her
But I cannot function without her
I “wake up” and my legs are bleeding,
The blade in my hands.
I wonder how long it will be before she kills me.
I cannot stop her.
My friends call her Spider
She is a black widow, eating her mate after he has served his purpose.
She is manipulative.
Capable of killing in just one bite.
I am passive, she is aggressive.
She is destructive, angry, jealous, violent,
Unstable - A natural disaster, I am the eye of the storm.
I am the end of chaos.
However,
I am shy, and weak, but innocent, feeling destroyed by crimes I did not commit.
We are yin and yang, 2 parts of a whole
Both wanting different things...
Wanting this body as our own
Doing everything we can to make the other submit.
Mirrors are my worst nightmare,
The girl I see is no longer me.
Coated in black makeup,
Dressed like I’m in a punk band.
I do not remember getting dressed this morning,
I am not sure how I got to school.
When did I do this assignment?
Wait, that was today?
Where am I?
What is my name?
Why are you screaming?
I can’t take this.
DO NOT SCREAM AT ME WHEN I DON'T DO WHAT YOU ASK
I have no recollection of you asking
Why are you mad at me?
We fought?
When?
What did I say?
No...I'm not making this up.
I am so, so sorry...It’s just been a “bad day”
If only I could tell you what's truly wrong  and not sound insane.
It’s more than just forgetting
It is a lapse in the conscious - a constant tug of war that never seems to end.
I have spent most of my life faking being functional.
I cannot sleep, she and I do battle in hopes that one of us will reign victorious.
How do you **** something that is inside of you?
Help me
You cannot see the destruction of my mind
I am standing in the middle of the wreckage and you claim that I am "making this up"
It is impossible to survive this way.
She cuts this body leaving her mark so that I can never forget that I am not alone.
It’s wrong to feel this empty, hollow, beating myself up just to know I’m alive
She tells me it’s time to go - But quitting would release the monster forever
She is not safe
I am far too weak to contain her.
I am losing myself to her again…
Goodb-….*Hello

The smell of a cheap, sweet cigar mixed with the subtle staleness of his day-old Axe

The familiar comfort of being around him met with this unexplainable underlying fear

Unpredictably exciting,
Repetitively terrifying

My intuition, long ignored;
My heart, dreaming, unable to bear the reality of this ongoing nightmare

Pleading with him not to leave,
Just a few more minutes, please

The sternness of his voice,
My cue to silence

“goodb-“ cut off as he closes the passenger door, angrily at my “never-ending defiance”

He walks away, but then looks back;
nothing more to it than that

Stomachaches and fever dreams,
Memories that never flee

Years may pass,
But the heartache stays

It’s always those we wish to forget the most who never seem to fade away

Pray for sincerity,
Yet beg me to stop,
It’s everything you say you need,
Not worth a thought.

But pardon me for caring,
I guess I’ll step away,
Wish you luck in love’s paring,
“But wait,” you said, “Stay.”

But I’ve got no gift for patience,
See not anymore,
Because I’ve played the game of waiting,
Too much before.

And all the sudden that’s my fault,
Why don’t I love you?
That’s just an insult,
I did and you knew.

So what happened to then?
All the time you had,
You called me a friend,
And I accepted that.

But now you’re unhappy,
Because I treat you like one,
You didn’t care about me,
When I made you the sun.

So how are you?
Dear friend of mine,
Let’s see this through,
And silently say goodbye.

Because the chance has come and gone,
I hate to say it,
But romance can only wait so long,
So goodb-.