Mother always says you are your father’s child,
So , since he’s an alcoholic … & a dead beat dad….
Does that change me into something bad …?
At some point in 2004, my father stopped being a father at all.
He stopped calling, stopped trying, and ultimately,
Stopped caring.
Does that mean that I stopped caring too?
The fact that my father's an *******
to the highest degree and chose
Drugs and alcohol over his own daughter….
Does that change the fact that I am anything but him.
Does it make a difference that he no longer cares
or tries to have any relationship with me or the fact
He abandoned all responsibilities and therefore lost all of my respect?
I will always be the "father's daughter" I longed for,
yet never achieved.
I'll have my "daddy issues" to talk about in group.
They tried to fix me with a med
That sick pill taste like lead
Perhaps shock therapy instead
he did zap me till I wished I was  dead
The fact that my father did nothing but
Beat me
Bruise me
Bleed me
Hurt me
Break me
so Does that change me into something bad …?
Does this change that I was always told that I'd end up just like him?
Does this change the times I longed for his hugs,
Does it change the memories I hold of being held in his drug ridden hands
and the smell of alcohol on his clothes?
Will I ever come to make amends with the man who brought me into
this world just to abandon me in the same world?
Will he ever know how much I hurt?    
Does that change me into something bad …?
Will I Ever be someone different from him
Does that change the fact that I am anything but him.
And that I long for everything but Him!


Layal Charara – October 6th 2014

Hey Beautiful, by Layal Charara

Hey beautiful, you never seem to get the chance,
to forget the issues and place you come from,
You never seem to get the dance,
of joy, love, laughter and all that is to come.

Hey beautiful, dry those soggy eyes from the tears,
and allow your mind and soul to be at ease,
just let it go into a breeze,
and Welcome life with some cheers.

Hey beautiful, Stop the world that is sinking,
be ready to continue the fight and start erasing,
erasing the doubts and maze,
and allow life to introduce happier ways.

Hey beautiful, it’s ok to be and feel lost,
like your emotions have hit a frost,
your heart and mind just need some tending,
I believe in you, your strength seems to be unending.

Hey beautiful, Scream, scream out all the pain,
Vent, Scream, kick & shout till it’s gone,
till the hurt doesn’t feel like a main,
and open your heart to a new dawn.

Hey beautiful, even though you’ve been let down,
don’t allow that to cause a frown,
Allow your kindness and care to shimmer,
in the hours were overthinking glimmers.
  
Hey beautiful, just remember to throw the sadness to the floor,
Sweep it off, dust yourself up and close that door,
Build up a few goals & focus to Never lose your light.
and so, Everything will be all right.

Never looked for a reason,
or I didn’t realize I was looking for one
until there wasn't one to be found,
Now all I pray for is a reason,
a reason to keep holding on,
to be strong, and to be persuaded.
As if I could be persuaded
to be here, to thrive more
for a life I no longer seek.

January 31, 2016
copyrights Layal Charara

Will you miss me when I'm gone?
Will you finally admit to the abuse?
Will you ever allow yourself to see my demons?
Now that I'm gone, will you finally see my pain?

Will you ever wonder,
How much longer?
How long did I hold on
How long did I push on
How long did I keep the hope alive
How long I wish for hope.
The hold on pain ends hope?

Will you, now that I'm gone
Think of my pain, my anguish, my battles and my demons?

Will you ever?
Will you ever really love me
Now that I'm gone?

Will you ever love me
For being the mess that I was
Not for the ideal you wanted?

I doubt you'll remember be good
I doubt you'll ever realize...
How heavy my heart has been
Ever since it all started

How heavy my broken heart longed to mend
How heavy my soul felt every night, and every day...

You'll finally have the peace you all longed for.
The reality you lived
Of peace without me
I'm sorry I was so imperfect
I'm sorry I was so undesirable
I'm sorry for many things
But I'm mostly sorry
That you never got to know me
Never got to love the real me
Never got to see me

Finally.. I'm sorry I was me
The me, who had so many flaws
Of which made me so unlovable
To you...

I wish you peace now that you're a family of three
I'm sorry I was ever me...
I fought so hard to burry me
I fought so hard to be seen

I guess sometimes when you seek hope
The hold on pain ends kind of hope

You gotta do it alone...

Layal Charara
10th April 2021
8:54pm

In shadows cast by trials, a girl emerges strong,
A Phoenix rising from the embers of pain's prolonged.

Through the tapestry of time, her story is woven,
A symphony of resilience, in hardship, she's proven.

Beneath the weight of sorrow, she found her flight,
A metamorphosis of spirit, in the darkest night.

Melancholy melodies echo in her soul's refrain,
Yet from the depths, she rises, breaking every chain.

In the crucible of struggle, where tears once burned,
She, like a Phoenix, into grace, has silently turned.

Her wings, once weary, now embrace the sky,
A testament to strength, as she dares to fly high.

Through verses of agony, her rebirth is sung,
A ballad of courage from the wounds life has wrung.

In every verse, a testament to her might,
A girl reborn, a Phoenix, taking flight.

So let the embers tell of battles fought,
In the crucible of pain, a spirit sought.

For from the ashes, a girl anew,
A Phoenix, resilient, bold, and true.


Written by Layal Charara
Nights Spark
December 12, 2023
5:45PM