My Strongest, My Weakest
My strength where it be my weakness
My weakness, it seems to be my strength
Alone on a bench of thoughts
Pulling out memories as straws
******* out the moments so I don't feel numb again

Waiting for the sun to shine
At night I look for the brighest star
At home I wait for the hour of glory
I write futuristic promising romantic stories
Searching and digging into the pit of opportunity
Grinding and drilling so I can find what the world has for me
Is the rock a diamond uncovered?
Is the diamond a rock long discovered?
What good am I in a hopeless world?
How strong am I to be still standing?

I have been blinded by pride and reputation
The chances flew right past me
This was my weakness
An illusion which seemed to appear as my power
Only to allude me and send me to the depths of hunger
How do I survive in this incessant famine
My strongest, my weakest
Is my prowess both a strength and a weakness
Is my power a fist that concentrates my potential,
filters all doubts and confusion,
then send me back to a writer's rhythm?

For the muscle of me, what is love?
For the scars on my back, do tears set a heart free?
On my back are scars which smymbolize the pain
The pain caused by those who have turned their backs on me
The muscle of me a solidified lump of heated chemistry
Chemistry broke for the vision was divided
For one side a poetic love affair
Another a fling of **** and ego boost
Lies lie hidden in a black book of truce
The tears shower and the pain overshadows,
and the lies fly out and the book burns
Nothing left but hurt, resentment, hunger and thirst
A chance of love comes again and again I am underrated
Shots that succeed lack poise and weight
I levitate onto the pillars of loneliness
The trial gives me cold but also clarity
A fool never unless my heart learns to jump again and I,
I will set it free.
Is this a mere cry due to weakness?
Is it a last strike so I can find my strength again?
All is revealed and I slip into a stream
I am on the prowl once more and I will never be the same.

But soon I will find, the lines that divide
Strength and Weakness
And the balance therein
I am in it and I search for the limit... The limit within the dimensions of existence's summit.

If the tears are falling down my face,
Don't you worry,
I'll be alright.
If the sun in the sky refuses to shine,
Don't you worry, baby,
Even the brighest of stars need to hide away sometimes.
Don't you know that I'm defeated?
I'm losing myself a piece at a time.
When I look in the mirror,
I don't recognize that it's me,
Just a stranger running on empty.
And I feel so used, so beaten, insecure,
I don't know what I'm even doing anymore.
So if you kick me while I'm already down,
Should I even be surprised?
If it happens again well I guess I'm just the fool.
They'll shake their heads with their looks of pity and I told you so spread across their grin,
So if the tears are falling down my face,
Don't you worry.  
I'll be alright.

Sweet or sour,
She's a bit of both.
Her sweetness drains by the hour,
Her heart drowned in loathe.

She has a comforting smile,
Hazel eyes that sparkle with life.
Her features change after a while,
Expressions showing she is bathing in constant strife.

She bursts into a river of tears,
Regret clawing its humble way in.
She has nothing to ease her fear,
And "it" begins to win.

She wallowed in sorrow,
"It" weighing her down like a massive boulder.
As she prayed to not wake tomorrow,
"They" tapped upon her shoulder.

Her dull hazels met with theirs,
As "they" gave her the brighest smile.
The stranger's intentions were unclear,
And she knew "they" weren't vile.

Time flickered on by,
Seasons slipped by fast.
Her hopes were high,
And "they" asked her at last.

She was happy now,
And would be eternally.

I have a friend who
Shines brighter
Loves stronger
Dreams bigger
Than most.

But this blinding star
Suffocates her radiance
Refuses to let the candle eat itself away
And she dwells in the comfort of midnight
The brighest eclipse

Because the truth is
She’s saving her beauty
To give to one who is the color of sky right before dawn
She gravitates toward shadows
And lights up only for the darkness

Now she has found her counterpart
He illuminates her world
Unveils her hidden spark
And uses it to ignite an inferno
But he battles a legion of demons
Trapped in a deadly war against himself

Only he can awaken her
His vibrant smile erasing her mask of smoke
And only she can save him
The blaze in her eyes conquering the monsters that creep in the corners of his mind

Some may think it’s sad
That they only burn together
When no one else is around to see

And others say it’s dangerous
That their intense blend of passion and pain could destroy the universe

But I think it is perfect
For their love has captured
The elegance of charcoal
And the purity of ivory
On a single canvas

So I guess it’s true
That night is the one true love of day
Too much darkness can be deadly
But too much light can burn you away

She is the apple of my eye,
her aura is the brighest shade of red,
such perfect symmetry,
smooth skin & so firm.

Here in my head,
I roll her around in my fingers,
she makes me squirm
& salivate in my mouth.
Her stem is sensitive,
her kiss deadly.

Light up the way for me.
I'm scared of the dark.
Illuminate the blackest road
With the brighest spark...

okay so i hate you but i only hate part of you. and i think you could understand that- i really really do, you know, deep down. milligrams. they come in fragments. like tiny fountain penny wishes, like uneven television screens and starless night skies. (that i always though you would see one day.) but not you. YOU'RE not even apart of me not now. i won't see you. you'll be walking. you'll look like someone else from very far away. someone i read about in a book. and you won't see me either. (you know this is a lie.) you know i lie all the time. to myself, to you, to the world, to my words & to my mouth. how could i exist in a world of truth and reality? after all, after all i've done. for you. for you i would climb the highest mountain. for you i would swim the deepest sea & brave the darkest night & tame the brighest fire. you know that you aren't even real to me anymore

because i used to think you were something else. a world of beauty, right before my eyes. hair the color of ****. eyes with untold stories just screaming to be revealed. (and would i? no no never.) silent. enjoy it. because never again will you feel something like this, never again will you feel the energy that i gave to you. longed to show you. tried to make yours. and all i wanted was you. i was all wrong, you weren't right at all, but there was something. i longed to feel your touch; a touch i envisioned many nights, staring into a broken mirror, wishing for anyone else but myself to be there. longed for a feeling that no one but you could ever give me. not in a million thousand billion years. because you were real. and i knew that.

"i don't believe in monsters." you could have just shot me instead. your ******* revolver. put it to. my ******* temple. longed for you to make me bleed. drag the secrets of the world out of me, dim and ***** with trash and grime and grit, PULL IT from the depths of my veins and repent all that i once said. breathe FIRE into my frozen blue blood that runs like the deepest stream in the loudest forest. i'll surely die instead of live, yet i've always been most afraid of both. you must taste like sugar. i saw it all along. and you. i would wrap you in flower petals, save you for no one but myself. give you the love that you've been starving for for so long, my beautiful angel. your endless paradox train never crossed my tracks before that dy. (you knew that it was true.) was true all along. armless demon, you strangle me. choking choking choking on nothing but words & pills & fragments & drugs & *** & hate & violence & I KNEW THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. BUT god if only you could. if you could see through my eyes, understand why i do this to myself. maybe i wouldn't be so crazy. i know i ask too much. i know i want too much and i know i feel to much. but you don't understand- i want you to. (milligrams. fragments. we snort them side by side.) to tell you my story. to take you inside of me and know why i am what i am and who i am. (I AM NOT A MONSTER.) i want to make you understand why i crave the blood and why i crave the love and why all i really want

is you.

i know who i am.
i know i'm boring and i'm not the brighest star in the sky.
you said you loved me and you said you cared.
that was until you found someone shinier and a correlating personality.
i know who i am.
i know i shouldn't, and i don't, expect you to stay by my side even when i want to draw blood.
but there was a part of me, a huge part of me,
that wanted you to stay.
that part of me felt like you're my soulmate.
so here i am,
i will love you from the backseat.

The light cast me away,
Where I found solice in the dark,
Speaking to mother I try my hardest to reemain brighest as I start.
Learning both sides that fight like it's not right to be one,
But Dark and light give me shape in a sun.
Something to see and believe it to be
Not yet my child time is of God's grant upon how youve been seen,
Moon hints are all around me,
I'm in the devil's son's house and they found me,
But I'm still the best,
One and the only,
I protect the son because devils don't want to know me,
Angels and lighters follow oh so closely,
I'm preparing for what's come but yet to be exposed to me,
A block they all see yet I'm just .... I'm just...

I fear the day when I  will no longer be in your heart,
When you will have move on with another sweetheart
She will make you forget all about me and unleash new butterflies,
You will blush and smile again,
You will swipe away what was left of your feelings for me in a heartbeat,
And my heart will feel empty, because you were the first one to fill it with the brighest colors,

I fear the day when I will no longer be able to see me through your eyes

"I asked the leaf
whether it was scared
because it was autumn
and the other leaves were falling..."
The leaf told me
No during the whole spring
I was very alive
I worked hard and helped nourish the tree
And much of me is in the tree
A belief...
Belongs to the leaf...
That tree will never be apart...
That tree will never leave it alone...
But when hits the storm of moan...
Everything turns into the dust...
The dusk, fallen leaf and belief also...
A brighest friend seems to be a darkest foe...
Although, the shadow of tree is also black...
Still dried leaf thinks, ''Tree has no crack..! ''
It can't move and it can't cry but it hurts...
All the last words, the signature of trust...
Alive under the dirt in form of a belief....
Tree is still breathing the air of its grief....

i'm here still
at university housing
a three hours' flight from the hometown where i knew you
the rain outside here's rolling deep like it used to
loudly,
loudly
and i miss my out-of-tune piano where i'd
pray at an altar of sadness to play out the few songs i knew
and perhaps extract a single seething passion in my solitude
now walkersby can see it, the simple joys in a newish love
his stolid hand is the one to hold my own in the grey october
his building a midnight minute's walk from home
with a heart that's kind and strong and stone
sometimes i wonder how it feels for you to know
you're the man i only used to love
university housing is a fortress from emotion
and i in it, am alone:
sometimes quietly happy at jupiter's brighest hone
only when i ever swallow hope
(sweetness) like a quiet, loving home