she couldn't stop.
it was addicting,
seeing the blood flow from her wrists.

she loved the pain,
although she didnt know why.

he broke her heart,
but she liked the way it felt.

she was addicted,
addicted to pain.

she loved him
and he loved the way she loved him

im sorry angel,
you deserve better.

but right now, i want you.
you're okay with that, right?

i want you,
i need you.

so, be mine, okay?
until you realize you can do better,
until you realize im not good for you,
be mine.

i want to ruin you, angel.
you'll let me, won't you?

of course you will,
you've always been so nice.

im sorry.
i love you.

i didnt mean to hurt the poor butterfly,
i swear it.

darling, i wish you hadn't lied when you said you loved me
darling, i wish you hadn't broken all your promises
darling, i wish you loved me the way i love you
darling, i wish you'd considered my feelings
darling, i wish you didn't make me so sad
darling, i wish we could've lasted longer
darling, i wish you cared more about me
darling, i wish i didnt love you so much
darling, i wish we were something again
darling, i wish i made you happy enough
darling, i wish you didn't like someone else
darling, i wish we could have been even more
darling, i wish you hadn't hurt me the way you did
darling, i wish you'd been more careful with my heart
darling, i wish we could have done everything we planned to

rain rain,
would you please go away?

rain rain,
could you please not come again another day?

rain rain,
wont you please let it be sunny again?

i just want to see the sun.

dont stop hurting me, darling
i dont care
as long as youre still there

i dream of you
almost every night

hopefully
i wont wake up this time

im so tired
but it's a tired that cannot be cured by sleep

im so tired,
tired of reliving everyday

im so tired,
tired of everything

the days have blurred together
and i cant tell which is which

i look in the mirror,
yet dont see myself

im fading

"i love you lots, you know that?"

"it's just a little cut, you're alright with that,
aren't you, my love?"

"you said you'd do anything for me princess,
were you lying all along?"

"im doing this because i love you darling,
i dont want anyone else to hurt you okay?"

"that new bruise looks beautiful, sweetheart,
do you not like it?"

"im the only person who's going to love you.
i would never lie to you, honey."

"c'mon, you know how much i love you, dont you?
i would never hurt you on purpose."

"you love me, right?"

i did. i truly did.

but i loved his screams of agony even more.

i turned to him,
"what's wrong my love? why are you crying?
  you know im only doing this because i love you.
  remember when you used to say that to me, darling?
  now it's my turn to show you just how much i love you."

i loved him so much that i didnt want anyone else to **** him,
so i killed him myself.

i popped off my scalp like the lid of a jar.
it's the secret place where i keep all my feelings of the day,
like little blobs of dark slime, rubbing against each other.
they're cold, and slippery.

i reached inside with my fingers, pulling out the first one i found.
i looked at it for a bit, before stuffing it into the glass bottle with the others.

the bottle's been getting pretty full.
i shrugged and plucked another one out of my head, putting it into the glass.

day after day, night after night, i took out all the feelings from my head and slid them into the bottle.

one day, the glass exploded when i tried to stuff a feeling in it.
it couldn't handle anymore. it was at it's limit.
all the feelings i'd put away, bursted out at once.
glass shards and slimey feelings all over the floor.

i tried to pick them up, i tried to put everything back together, but i couldn't.

it was a mess.
i was a mess.

go rot in your room, child.
mommy doesnt love you.
go on, lock the door and never come back out.
play with your crayons little girl, draw that monster in your closet.
oh? whats this? the monster's beginning to look a lot like you.
go to bed, its starting to get late.
dont sleep with the lights on, mommy'll get mad.
but if you turn them off, the he'll get you.
he'll come into your room at night, like he always does.
the real monster. the one that touches you in weird ways.
you're living a nightmare.
you cant get away from him, he says he'll hurt you.
mommy doesnt care, she never has.
go play on the roof and fall off, little girl.
maybe then you'll be able to sleep without worrying about monsters.
maybe then mommy'll care about you.
just one more step, little girl.
now jump.

goodnight.

i had even made a poem for you,
so, why'd you leave me?

it wasn't a very nice thing to do

you said you loved it,
so i thought you loved me too.

everyone says "home is where the heart is"
but i dont know where my heart's gone

i seem to have misplaced it.

Someone’s talking

I see
their lips
moving

But
at the same time
I dont.

My mind
is telling me
they aren’t real.

But
they’re right there

Aren’t they?

its never-ending torture.

you're in my dreams at night,
you've taken over my thoughts during the day,
i cant get a break.

but, maybe i dont want to
maybe, secretly, i like it.

maybe, just maybe,
im looking forward to it,
this never-ending torture.

it might not be so bad.

i finally realized
the roses were never red
and
all my friends are dead

i wonder if you know
how much you've hurt me

you probably dont,
do you?

thats okay
i dont mind it

i still love you

I looked in the mirror.

Who
is
that?

I looked at my hands.

There was
blood
on them.

I looked at my legs.

I saw
more
blood.

I looked at the floor.

even
more
blood

I heard a scream.

But it wasnt me.
It was the girl
in the mirror.

ive fallen for the moon,
ive fallen for you.

my love for you will be the death of me

it fills me up, fills up every millimeter of empty space in my body
it moves my organs around to make room
it engulfs me, and swallows me whole
every moment i'm awake feels like i'm drowning in it

it travels up my body, up to my throat
every moment i'm awake feels like i'm suffocating on it
at night i wake up thrashing, grasping at my throat, begging to be allowed room for air

it travels up my body, up to my head
every moment i'm awake feels like i spend it thinking about you
you take control of my thoughts, my feelings
you're like a parasite i can't get rid of

my love for you will be the death of me.

what happened?
my roses, theyre all wilting

i dont understand,
they were fine just yesterday

was it yesterday?
i dont remember.

i cant remember anything.

who am i?

what happened to my roses?

i think my soul is starting to wilt,
just like my roses.

i think im dying.
dying, just like my poor roses

i dont think i'll make it.
i wish i could just see my roses one last time.

i feel trapped in my body, i need to get out, i need to breathe.
i need a hug, i need to be suffocated in you

i need time to myself.
i can't live without you

i hate you.
i love you more than i love myself

i never wanna talk to you again.
i feel miserable when you don't talk to me

please leave me alone.
please don't leave me i need you

i just want to be yours.

oh dear,
what do i do?

it seems that ive gotten lost again.
well, at least i have some pink chewing gum.

there were pizza and grapes on the counter
i couldn't choose which one to eat

i know pizza is bad for me, but i like it
and i know grapes are better for me, but i prefer pizza

so, i went with the pizza.

and now, im hurt.

she sits in front of her window,
absentmindedly staring at the people below.

she's cold.
so, so, cold.

how many years has it been since her death?
she doesnt know. no one does.

she's so lonely.
everyone's forgotten her.

poor little dead girl.

she's been locked in her room for so long.
she doesnt remember why she's there,
or who she is.

all she remembers is that she mustn't leave,
no matter what happens.

but she's grown so thin, so fragile, so weak.

days, month, years;
they've all blurred together.

she can't even remember her name.

poor little ghost girl.

you were my entire sky,
but i was only a star

ive finally learned
to never fall for the moon.

leave me alone.
it's better for the both of us

dont talk to me,
i'll get attached

dont say you love me,
i hate lies.

There was a canvas lying on the floor,
his canvas was lying on the floor.

There was a canvas lying on the floor,
his canvas was covered in red,
painted by his blades.

There was a canvas lying on the floor,
his canvas was covered in blue,
painted by his fists.

There was a canvas lying on the floor,
his canvas was ruined, and overused.

He needed to get a new one,
since he loved painting so much.

He always had a smile on while painting his canvases.

There was a girl lying on the floor,
she was covered in blood,
her skin sliced by his blades.

There was a girl lying on the floor,
she was covered in bruises,
her skin tarnished by his fists.

There was a girl lying on the floor,
dead and ruined.

She was ruined by what she thought was love,
and killed, by the man she thought loved her.

but he didn’t love her, he loved his canvases.

"my dear, i believe it's time to let you go.
         my dear, i believe it's best if we stopped talking.
  my dear, i'm sorry but i have to go.
        my dear, i don't think i'll be back."

and with that, he turned on his heel and walked away from her headstone,
and out the graveyard.

he had found a new love, and didn't need to visit her anymore.
so why did he have the feeling he'd be back the next day?

oh how i wish i was the man on the moon
he's so beautiful

i can see a red string connecting our fingers
can you see it too?

roses aren't always red
and violets aren't very blue

is giving you my all not enough?
is paying attention to you and only you not enough?
is doing everything i can to please you not enough?
is breaking myself for you not enough?
are my genuine and pure feelings not enough?

why do i need to give up my body to feel loved?
why do i need to be disgusted with myself in order to feel wanted?
why do i need to be sexualized to be seen?
is touching me the only way to get to know me?
is using me the only way i'm useful?
is it the only thing i'm needed for?
the only thing i'm good for?

am i undeserving of true love?

she thought she was swimming,
when in reality, she was sinking

she knew so too,
somewhere deep inside her

but she did nothing about it,
and kept pretending to swim

maybe, she'll learn how to swim someday

definitely not today, but someday.

"hi!! how are you guys today?"
i turned towards my friends, leilah and lillie

my momma always tells me to "let them go" but i dont understand.
the doctors say its a way for me to cope, but i dont know what theyre talking about.

my momma always jokes around and tells me that leilah and lillie are dead, but i dont think it's a very good joke. she also says that i need to "own up" and "stop pretending" but i dont get the punchline.

everyone tells me that im the one that killed them, and i should stop acting like they're still here but i just dont get it.

they're right there. i can see them. we even play together everyday!!

there's no way they're dead.

everyone's just in on some big unfunny joke.

i dont know why i even try.

i cant stop sliding the blade across my skin.
my blood is too pretty to keep it hidden.

so, why try?
i know the urge is going to beat me anyway.

im too far gone.

at this point, mental stability is like a star,
and im stretching out my arms to reach it,
knowing i never will.

i talk to the moon and stars every night
pretending it's you.

i wonder if you can hear me,
even if its a tiny whisper of the wind

i wonder if you know when im thinking of you,
even if its just a small suspicion in the back of your mind

i wonder if you still think of me, and all the fun we had,
even if it's just for a second.

they bullied you and called you names? poor little thing, i know you were only trying to play with them. im sorry dear, how about we take you a bath and braid your hair? you and me can play together after that, it’ll be much better than playing with them. it’ll be alright, darling, dont worry. i’ll make all your little cuts and scrapes better in a moment. please dont cry im sorry, i didnt mean to press down on your bruise.

wait here, let me get band aids.

you're a useless, useless child.
you cant do anything right.
go isolate yourself little girl,
maybe that'll make you feel better.
but oh look at that,
she's sliding the blade across her wrists,
and starts feeling light headed.
but what's this? shes smiling?
no, no, no!! she cant be happy!! she doesnt deserve it!!
but its too late, shes dying.
shes a useless, useless dead little girl
laying in a pool of her blood.
a useless, useless corpse,
that doesnt know how to do anything right.
now what about funeral expenses?
shes a burden even after shes passed.
she'll always be a useless, useless child

if i had a flower
for every time i thought of you,
i'd have a dying garden