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And so I was foolish enough to believe that I knew everything
At least about this one thing
That you and I were destined for something greater then anything I had ever dreamed,
That your high rise state of mind would ballance out my desire to settle,
I would love with a ferocity I had never shown in anything
I would hold one truth apparent above all others that life would be lived not as one but two,
And I had the ring to prove it,
I guess we'll never know which knee to bend down first
Because life isn't always fair and it isn't everyone who cares,
And I wish I had the depth of character and the state of mind to climb outside of the walls my mind has hid behind,
It's a terrifying place to be at this time of night.
And it's these truths I hold to be evident in light of the current circumstances,
Love is a sham,
I've said it before and I'll say it again
Love is the most destructive force known to man.
My words have changed.
They've grown longer and more complex,
And less and less do they fit within the structure of notes I can find on my guitar or on a keyboard.
And it's not just my words that have become colder and more calculating,
I haven't taken a leap of faith since a tire swing ten or so years ago.
And it's this shift in my mind that makes me contemplate the stars more often then I used too,
And my interests lay with abstract concepts and theoretical outcomes and it's difficult to convey,
There's only so much that words can say.
I've been trying
To find the words to say, that'll make this go away
I've been dying
To find a better place, to sing my cares away
I've been lying
To you and to myself, to everyone else
It's okay
To not be okay somedays

And I'm not okay

I want to go back into time and change all the words that I've said
They say I'm better off but I don't know if I believe them
Well if love is what that was than I don't to love no more
Because love isn't supposed to leave you bleeding on the floor
It took a long time, and I don't know what's worse,
Not knowing who you are, or not knowing who you were

And I have realized I never even thought you were super man,

Why weren't you super man?
I'm sorry
For the amount of times my words may hurt when they don't mean too
And for never knowing what to say even if the answer stares me in the face
For never loving you half the amount I should
For letting my day come between us in the stupidest of ways
For not letting you know how much what you call being clingy means to me
I'm sorry
That sometimes I forget that you aren't my mother
That I always think before I act
That I can't always be the version of me you seem to see
I'm sorry
For not being there everytime you're scared
I don't have a good excuse, except maybe that I'm human
But I don't know what that means so it isn't good enough for me
I'm sorry
That sometimes I need too much space
That some days my brain carries me away
That sometimes I get so enthralled in my thoughts that I don't remember their subject is next to me
Becsause I think about you in that white gown every day now
And I guess I've been so excited to get there that I've forgotten how we got here
How I've smiled every time your eyes crinkle at the sides and how you compliment the parts of me that I hate the most
Thank you
For loving how I see the world
For loving those parts of me I wish away every day
And for giving me that space
even though I feel like sometimes I don't give you yours.
You're a beauty, and I'm a beast
But love is an euqation and we've been variables but I believe that if we get in there and plug ourselves in, this will work
Thank you
Because we don't fight, we argue
Because you've solved my values
And I can't wait to see all the little ways in which the things we used to say to each other from the moment we met spring to life
Thank you
For not believing in pre-destined fates because although circumstances have fought against us, I chose you, and you chose me
And I hope one day we both can see, the product of all we see before us
You,
Are as beautiful now as you have been forever and forever after
Are a gem who has sprouted from the dust
Are the polish to all my rust
Are the love that completes my heart.
I love you
Everybody
Is broken
At least a little bit
Since when did brokenness land on a measurement of more, or less?
Like, beaten is better than broken,
It's better to be battered than shattered

But last I checked broken was a loss of functionality,
If you can't do the same things you used to without crying,
You're just as broken as the rest of us,
If you just don't smile as often as you used to,
You're just as broken as the rest of us,
If you can't even hold a pencil without your hand shaking,
I'm sorry, you're broken, just like the rest of us.

What if I told you that in order to be truly broken you have to accept it,
What if I told you that in order to accept brokenness you inherently accept that you were ever whole in the first place and you, were made of pieces.
Two halves came together to make you,
And no self inflicted bashing, slashing or thrashing will bring you alive again because you were never dead
You have so many parts that have lost segments of code
You're not broken, you've just altered your directive
Because brokenness, assumes that you have a function,
And
If you can't perform a function anymore,
It's okay to find a new one.
You're not broken,
You're just weathered.

— The End —