I cried
Because I watched your smile form
And I knew
That you had changed

I have a hole
Inside my chest
I slowly fill it up.
With laughter
With inside jokes
With love
With positivity posts.

Something heals.

Like puzzle pieces slotting,
I am home.

I’ve felt your hand in mine- despite me trying to fill them with his. 

My legs could stay wrapped around your hips for as long as I could hold on. 

You said you liked the way my body was shaped 
and the way I scared you in all the best ways.
You thought I was going to save you, I know that’s what you were thinking.
Stars are stars and I am only made of them.
The truth is -my body is a folded paper marked with lists that I never got around to doing. 

And I’m ******* terrified to grow.

I thought you were going to save me.
I know that’s what I thought. 

Gates don’t JUST fall, 
Someone has to lower them and bodies don’t just join, the magic has to be there.

And I didn’t tell you I cared to watch you grow in the opposite direction. 
And I didn’t ask you for you to do any of this.

I believed in you the way you’ve always wanted someone to. 

Heart in hands and blindly led.

I loved someone who didn’t love me. I don’t know how to turn that into poetry.

I want to tell you
that I can do without you.
But I'd be lying.

You cut yourself and you don’t even feel how it hurts anymore.
You cut yourself and you don’t have control over your life
You cut yourself and you don’t have anyone who cares.
You cut yourself and you don’t need anyone's help.
You cut yourself and you don’t ever bleed.
You cut yourself and you don’t…
You cut yourself and you…
You cut yourself and…
You cut yourself…
You cut…
You.
That’s right, it’s about you.
It’s always about you.
When will it stop being about you?
You’re so selfish.
No one loves you.
How could they?
You can’t even love yourself.
What’s there to love?
You’re such a **** person and you know it.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Screams bounce off the walls. Spit flying from your mouth as you cry out the frustrations.
Only you can hear you and people only pretend to understand what you’re saying, but they’re just as deaf as you are blind.
You’re all alone; and you like it.
It’s your very own personal insane asylum, and everyone is looking at you safely shielding themselves behind glass walls.
You hate it but you need it. You want to escape but not enough to break down the mental barriers you’ve put up.
You are your own enemy and you're kicking your ***.
You’re a burden not worth saving.
Just stay in your room. Stay in your pile of insanity.
Keep everyone safe from yourself.
And one day, hopefully, the void will swallow you whole and it’ll be like you were never here.
You cut yourself because you’re afraid and shaking.
You cut yourself because you don’t want to be weak.
You cut yourself because you don’t feel like enough.
You cut yourself because you feel like a scared child.
You cut yourself and you’re searching for a reason why.
You cut yourself and none of the answers make sense to you.
You cut yourself. And it's always about you.

If you were
to undress
the light
in my eyes
you would
find your
soul-
swimming through
chimes
into
my
bones.