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Carly Oct 2017
hazel eyes change with mood swings
bangs cover perfect imperfections
sometimes covering tears, some happy, some sad

mind filled with everyone else's problems
no room for her own
she’s the go-to for emptying bad vibes
but never gets to empty her own

her music choices surprise many
along with her shocking opinions and thoughts
just another piece to her ******* up little puzzle

often in her little world
daydreaming and coming up with scenarios to every situation
hoping one day just one will come true

she let’s people in easily
but letting go is a whole other story
often getting hurt by people with broken promises and bad intentions
but she’ll never learn

she trusts easy
just another flaw to the list of many
shrug them away
live another day
Carly Feb 2018
I wish I had paid more attention to the words he spoke
To the stories he told
To the sound of his voice
His smile on a sunny day
Or his boots splashing in the rain

I wish I had paid more attention when that smile disappeared
When his voice started to crack
Or when his eyes didn’t shine as bright

I wish I had paid more attention when he stopped coming around
When the phone stopped ringing
Or when the sun stopped shining

I wish I had paid more attention to way he said “I love you”
To the way he held me when I was sad
Or when we said our last goodbyes

I wish I had paid more attention to the voice on the other line
To the sermon preached at the funeral
Or maybe the faces that embraced me

I wish I had paid more attention to the sugar coated lies I was told
But the sad truth is that you can't sugar coat a suicide
Carly Oct 2017
It ***** to love someone so much
even after all the pain they've caused
even after the tears you've shed for them countless times before
but to still love them
to still know deep down you'd do anything to have them back
i guess that's how love works
it's twisted ways have me head over heels for that boy
the one who has broken my heart
countless times
but i won't learn
Carly Aug 2018
the headache
that comes after the tears
is so bad
it almost makes me go back to him
just so i can stop crying
Carly Jul 2018
i've never felt
so powerless
in my entire life
i've got no solution
and i've got no escape
from reality
so i face it
day after day
and it
continues to get
harder and harder
Carly Jun 2018
I want to hate you
I wish I didn’t care
but really
I love you
Your touch, your eyes
Your voice, your laugh
Your smile, your humor
everything about you seems perfect
but really
You’re toxic
Love, you really are my drug.
Carly Jul 2018
you pull me in
and push me away
your lips speaking
beautiful lies
in a time
that I am most vulnerable
and I stay longer
than I should
Carly May 2018
if you're not a survivor of suicide loss
you will never have to experience that kind of heartbreak
you will never have the guilt
about what you could've done to prevent it
you will never have to ask yourself
questions that you will NEVER get an answer to
you will never understand the importance
of suicide prevention groups
you will never ask yourself if
you were not good enough for them to stay
you will never have to look back at pictures
and ask yourself "was that smile real?"
you will never have to hear that
someone you love is "going to hell" because
they ended their life
death is always hard
but suicide is like no other
and you will never understand
Carly May 2018
i find myself staring again
this time though
i'm trying to pick something
i don't like about you
your hair?
how i used to run
my fingers through it
while you looked up at me
with happiness in your eyes?
your smile?
the one that makes
my whole heart light up?
your hands?
the ones i used to hold
so tightly, like i'd never let go?
i find myself loving you more
though i thought it was impossible
my heart breaks
and i come back to reality
i am not yours anymore
Carly Nov 2017
once you start to fall for someone
all of the negatives about being with them
begin getting pushed out by the positives
till all you see are positives
and you start to let that wall crumble
you start to trust again
love again
and no matter how hard you try
you can’t keep that wall up forever
Carly Nov 2017
you keep feeding yourself
little lies about him
wishing one were true
just so you could have a reason
to get over him
but you can't
because no matter
how bad he hurts you
you hold on to the old him
and he's gone
he's been gone
but you failed to see that
and you fell more and more
in love with him
clueless to the fact he was
falling in love with someone else
allowing yourself to get hurt
but you keep falling
and falling
and you still
Carly May 2018
forever will
never be
long enough
Carly May 2018
i still smell you on my clothes
i think maybe tonight
meant something to you
like it meant to me
but i know
you're miles away
talking to her
thinking about her
instead of me
and i feel like i'm falling for you
as you're falling for her
Carly Jun 2018
and suddenly
everything started to remind me of you
constant reminds of what we were
of what you threw away
Carly May 2018
Keep smiling.
Don’t stop.
Push through the pain.
Just smile.
It’s simple.
Why is this hard for you?
Just. Smile.
Carly Aug 2018
i stand with my head
held high
and then i see you
and i remember us
then i'm back to
stage one of getting
over you
Carly Aug 2018
someone asked me if
i knew you
and i felt my heart
break a little
when i said i didn't
Carly Aug 2018
some days
hurt more
than others
but today
is like
no other
Carly May 2018
I miss you.
Do you miss me?
Why'd you end it?
Was it worth it?
Are you happier?
Is it real?
It's not real.
It's real.
I miss you.
Come back.
Do you miss me?
Carly Oct 2017
You’re unpredictable
Happy one minute
Mad the next
You take it out on me
Catch me at my worst
I understand you’re hurt
You’re stressed
I see it in your eyes
I feel it in your vibes
I hear it in your voice
Carly Jul 2018
I wish I could pick up the phone
and hear your voice
the same voice
that comforted me
during the worst times
the same voice
that shattered
my entire world
all at once
Carly Feb 2018
You were the "Good Morning" texts I cherished so deeply
You were the "I missed you" hugs I needed on a Monday morning
You were the one I never thought I'd say goodbye to
You are the one I wish had stayed.

— The End —