for a really long time I was just nice to people but they walked all over me
about the time I started loving you I figured that if I could stand up for myself you'd like me
but now I'm an "*******" and I
"used to be nice."
but being an ******* is all I can do for people to not walk all over me,
and I only changed because I thought you would like me.

I am so ******* scared of losing you

say what's in this drink?
coz I don't really think
that that's such a good plan...

you know how I am
with peer pressure

and the shapes that you make with your lips
are all the most convincing kinds.

the feeling of exclusion is the knife in my stomach
and every time one of the people who
if you asked them would say
"he's my friend, yeah!"
tweets or talks to or does anything really
that makes me believe they are excluding me
I get sick.

It makes me want to smash porcelain plates
and take sledgehammer to wooden furniture.
I want something beautiful to ******* burn.
because you've ******* burned my insides,
and now I am not beautiful on the inside.
I am bitter and charred,
and I would rather feel nothing than this.

that's it,
I've really done it now.
I've gone and earned this:
I have successfully burned every bridge
I had built the last four years.

the scariest part is
I don't feel anything

that usual pressure below my
ribs
isn't there.
I don't feel like I've lost anything.

that's what really scares me.

everything is a lose-lose with you
I always charge into battle knowing
it's a suicide mission.

and before I can draw a sword or raise a rifle
my brain and heart raise the white flag
and you accuse me again,
"whenever we talk, I just talk at you.
do you even listen to me?"

dear God yes I listen.
I hang on every word and I
hear them at night when I'm in bed.

"you used to be nice."
(that's the last thing you said to me.
you asked me what was wrong which
was really nice of you and a little weird
but I'm not complaining.)
we were interrupted. some friends sat down.

I'm sick of people seeing right through me (especially you,
you asked me what's wrong)
you say: it's because I'm not being myself. that
I say the things I say because I think
it will make people like me, or get laughs.
I guess you're right.

but you're the only reason I changed.
I thought you would like me better.