I'm sorry I'm so broken,
I'm sorry I pushed you away.

I'm sorry I took you for granted,
when all I really want
is just for you to stay

My whole **** life is a déjà vu

Yesterday, I could've sworn I'd lived the same moment
Maybe in a past life?

What if my "past life" is exactly the same as this one?

Then what?
Am I stuck?
Can I change anything?

Will I always have a sickening sense of vertigo when I see a 'new' face?

I've lived the new things, I've seen the new faces

Maybe I've been tossed into this life because I lived it wrong the first time

Something tells me I might just live it again

I found something today, in an odd place

I stumbled upon it and it was all. Fragmented

Alone, pierced, and abused

I wasn't sure what it was at first, but upon looking closer I saw it
and barely recognized it

It was something I'd lost a long, long time ago

And here it was before my eyes: dead, broken, and hidden

I sometimes think I'm like a web site
in a way that's a bit hard to understand

Every day, people use me
Every day, people get frustrated with me
Every day, people- somehow -love me

And every day, someone finds the parts of me that haven't been patched up yet
The parts that are 'buggy' and unresponsive

They never look twice
because to them I'm just a dumb site with a broken link

Maybe it's sick to think there is only one way to get someone to notice you

Maybe it's awful that they aren't noticing you, in fact they've never seen your face

But is it so wrong that they like what they see?
Is it so wrong that you like the way they respond?

You like the way they talk,
even though they don't know your name

You like the pet names and ***** sentences

You like the way they suddenly can control you
without touching you

But you know you can never tell anyone
No matter how "innocent" it is

But really...

Is it so wrong to want someone to think you're *beautiful?

It's honestly not healthy, how sick I sometimes get

I have a set of records between myself and I:

I once went nine days without showering

Three days without eating

Two days without talking

One day without my mind even in the right places

The record I'm working on now  darker, nastier and I can't believe I've even touched it

I had gone a year without--

And then a month without----

But then those scores broke and I'm not even down to an hour without----

All the things I've managed it do in my life

I've felt guilty for at least half

Maybe it's true that I'm going to hell
Maybe it's true

People sometimes ask:
"If you could have one thing back from your childhood, what would it be?"

A favorite Barbie doll

A play pickup truck

A missing parent

A dead relative

Me?

*I want my innocence back