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the ceiling is grey
as are the walls

and the rain
the sidewalks

and streets gloam
with the wild litter

of leaves
faded colors

corner into collections
gather at the mouths of gates

they brew in puddles
steep in the chill

of november
the reign of autumn

is over
winter waits

for no one
which makes these last notes

all the more miraculous
it has been grey for days
the crack

and scatter
of a concrete sky

the brittle air
the rubble

and rub
that dulls everything

beautiful bird
beware of things

that clip
and cut your wings
what makes the music so?

what sets a sound inward
or outward?

what lifts the notes
from the page?

are you a voice
an instrument
in between the silences?

what does the bell
of life
ring for you?
You said
You said each day I'm loving you less.
You just don't know(don't know)
I'm trying to love you more.
More than you might know.

I go out of my way to prove it.
Shocked that you don't see it.
That I'm trying to love you more.

Flowers, I give to you.
A sweet poem I write to you.
Even try to spend more time with you.
But still, you question every single thing.

I just know.
I'm trying to love you more.
But you are making it hard to keep trying.
Am I not there when you're crying.

I just know
I just know
I'm trying to love you more.
 Jul 6 Who am i
yúyīn
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Youllneverunderstand me
@.**
My father walked me down the aisle,
But my mother held my arm.
He went with me,
But we went not towards the altar,
But towards the door.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And the ***** rang through the church,
Humming through the elaborate crown molding,
Carved by my ancestors.

He went,
Not beside me,
But before me,
And I watched,
As he was illuminated by the bright,
Overbearing,
Texas sun.

My father walked me down the aisle,
But I did not wear white.
My father walked me in silence,
And I shed tears not for a man standing at the altar,
But for the one I would never see again.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And no veil obscured my face.
All eyes were upon me, but not for my pristine beauty,
Instead for my clenched jaw and furrowed brow,
Severe and fierce to distract from my glassy eyes.

My father did not leave me at the end of our walk to sit beside my mother.
She clung to me for support and sobbed breathlessly,
Loudly,
Unavoidably,
And I carried her with one hand,
My sister the other,
And walked towards my future.
A future family,
Not one person more,
But one person less.
I walked,
One final time,
With him.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And I will never forget it.
Hundreds of eyes isolating my family from the crowd,
Slow and muffled sounds drowning in the deafening beat of my heart,
Blurred faces staring,
Black heels clacking against the cobbled path from the church,
The anguished wails of my mother,
The whimpering of my sister,
And the wooden box that glided before us,
Pulling,
A string tied to our patriarch,
The pin key of our family,
Pulled taut and then snipped with the slam of the hearse doors.

My father walked me down the aisle,
Before I had a chance to grow up.
He walked me,
Out of the church,
Away from the altar,
Never to be walked again.
 Jul 5 Who am i
stillhuman
I'd stick fake stars on the ceiling
so we could lie on my floor
and look them up together
pretending we're still in that place
where your name was a song I loved to taste
and you'd look for my eyes in every minute of the day

I realise only now
just how much I'm still grieving you
It's been years since I've called your name
 Jul 5 Who am i
Dianali
Sometimes with watery eyes,
Sometimes with contained sighs,
Sometimes with deceitful what-ifs,

Sometimes in late shifts,
Sometimes in mood swings,
Sometimes in life’s sweet plot-twists,

but always—always—
thinking of you.
Ongoing struggle with depression
Sometimes I don't do too well
I'd rather be in Seattle
Singing at night at Kells

Saw my sons today
We are the Witherells
Gracias xie xie
Only time will tell

                       Happy 4th!
 Jul 4 Who am i
Nylee
isn't it strange, that you meet yourself in different people, in new faces,
The person you witness and become, the imprint remains
It is part of you, subdued but brewed like cyclonic wind
Decode others with empathy, look beneath the eyelids
The door to the soul, it looks just like mine
From the exterior, what is, all these coverings?
We have hidden the warmth quite beneath everything.
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