Because “yes”
Means yes
And “no”
Means no,
Especially when I’m being
Ever so
Serious with the things
I’m seeing
From you; Messaging
But never speaking.
Stop asking questions when
I say so (then
Maybe I’d try to
Be nicer to
You).
There are reasons as to why
I don’t really cry
In front of those I can’t rely
On. Stop bugging me
And then we’ll see.

It just feels
Like I should be feeling
More, dealing
With moving on.
I look upon
The past six years;
Joys regrets fears
Run through my mind
But I find
That nothing truly stands out
About
My emotions, nothing
Seems to be stabbing
Into my heart like I thought
It was but did not.
Is it wrong
To not feel much
About where I’ve been for so long?
Because deep down I know such
Thoughts will come to light
Soon; bright
And white
They will be
(Yet rendering my head and heart
Ever so dark).
How long will it take for me
To see
The pictures that should be
Running through my head,
But are choosing to hide instead?

Am I hard to make happy
Or is it that you haven’t found
What triggers me?
Look around
And I’m sure you’ll find
Stressors on my mind
But those aren’t the only kinds
Of strong
Feelings I’ve held onto
For so long.
Maybe my expectations of you
Are higher than you’re used to
But so
What? Deep down I know
That it’s not that everything’s wrong
(Though it’s seemed this way
All along)
But the day
For my to find my right
Has not yet come to light.

Fields turn flowerless
As plants turn powerless
Against the winter cold.
At only three seasons old
Do their stems start to fold,
Heads droop and begin
To wither.
Within
Me
Seems to be
Something similar–
Perhaps I’ll look good for a while
But the smiles
Start to fade
With too little sun
And too much shade.
So I hope knowing me for one
School year’s
Enough– I fear
December’s
Round the corner. Remember
Me at my brightest,
When my roots were strong
And my thoughts felt lightest.
For I long
For your company
But Fate’s decided we
Simply aren’t meant to be.
The storm’s coming around.
This side of me should not be found.

There is no hunger in my household,
My country;
Everyone’s worth their weight in gold
Or probably more
For
Singapore’s
Economy is nothing
Short of prospering.
There is no hunger, no thirst, no craving
For anything here– no one’s saving
Food and water anymore
For
Rainy days
(No one does, no matter what they say).
I live my life blessed
But my mind can never rest;
I hunger for peace
Perhaps not of the world for now but simply for my mind.
I look high and low
Within all the drawers and cabinets I know
Of, yet I still can’t find
Anything that might just make me content.
For what I’ve had of life went
By relatively quietly, however nothing could stop my head
From working. Instead
I crave
For peace that I have but just can’t find.
Save
Me from the demons in my mind.

Some of you
Don’t know how much you mean to
Me–
I just can’t see
A way
To say
“Just standing next to you makes my day”
Or perhaps “That made me feel so
Much better” because I know
It would just feel weird.
For how long has our society feared
Expressions
Of affection?
Too much obviously feels wrong
But when you’ve been here for so long,
I don’t know how to not overdo
My gratitude towards you.

Sometimes one plus one isn’t two.
Sometimes you
Look
At a person with things
That don’t add up, wondering
Where they took
The excess from.
Because sometimes one
Can skip the work, have fun
With threes
(Sounds familiar to me).
One becomes two
While you lose some value.
So maybe
Two plus zero can equal three
When skills rub off
Accidentally.