They tell me
So many
Ways to solve my
Problems; days go by
And I hear the same things
Over and over. The people speaking
May be different but it all
Just sounds the same. I fall
For the same tricks again
And again,
Same so-called friends
And my permanent mindset.
You’d think I haven’t tried yet
But the worst part
Is that I’ve taken
The suggestions
To heart;
Tried so many times to start
(Because I know
They would probably make life so
Much better)
But it just never works with me.
They’re probably
Right about needing to reflect.
What else could the problem be?
Because (apparently)
It is always my choice;
Yell in joy or raise my voice.
Because you cannot blame
Others when they make
The same
Mistakes.
Because when they promised they
Wouldn’t, they didn’t mean
What they say.
Because you don’t have the right
To make yourself seen
To society.
No right to influence others,
Even though the people
Still keep tabs on one another.
Because there is no one except
Me that can’t accept
Others for who they are.
Because people you consider close
Have the right to decide
They’ll be far
From your side.
You call it constraints.
I’d like to call it selfish complaints
In their heads
But of course I read
The room wrong.
Because it was my choice
To not be able to be strong
Today.
That’s why I can’t say
No one cares.
Because it isn’t fair
To expect some love
In return when I put you above
Everyone, everything
Else. Because I can’t think
That friends should benefit
From being together. It
Simply
Isn’t right for me
To expect the best from you
Because it was my choice to
Do
It all.
Because when I fall
Down,
I shouldn’t expect anyone around
To actually try and pick
Me up. People’s lives are quick
And busy;
And the only constant
In the friendships falling apart
Is me.
Because being useless,
Talentless
And joyless
Was all my decision.
There is no such thing as imprecision
Here. It’s all you,
Not them. They didn’t do
Anything wrong.
It’s your fault you can’t
Get along.
Constraints apply to them,
Not you.
Don’t even think
Of that excuse.
Go self-reflect on how
You need to change now.
After all, no one has the rights
To tell you
What to
Do.

It doesn't help when people just
Point out what might be
Literally my biggest insecurity.
They're nowhere near the first
To do so
(And I'm pretty sure they know
It) but it hurts all the same.
Been getting called the same names,
Always losing at this same game.
Fine. Call me billboard face.
Maybe I'd finally have something to do
In this place.
If you say I'm a ******'s dream
You might as well gather a team
To take me out.
You seem to know
What you're talking about.

Eyelids, always too heavy.
Glued for eternity
The moment I snap
Them shut. Then someone’ll clap
Or scream or shout
Their lungs out
Or tap
My shoulder or call
My name before I fall
Asleep. It really makes
No
Difference though–
I wouldn’t be able to take
A break,
Even if I wasn’t awake.

I’m waiting for you;
Waiting for you to
Appear,
Yet I fear
That you never will.
It’s been twelve years
And you still
Haven’t arrived
In my life.
Where are you, pray tell?
I should know all too well
If you’re here,
But I still don’t think you’re near.

You all tell me I'm born smart.
How you can't take it to heart
When I tell
You to chill-- how I've done too well
To say
That 4 hours a day
Is enough.
How studying
Hasn't been
Rough or tough
For me.
How I should just let
You all get
More stressed without
Trying to tell you about
Just how hard I know
You've worked
And how much I've seen you grow.
How a good friend
Can't attempt to end
Your panicking.
How I'm not lacking
In the areas you
Do.
How I won't understand
Your parents' demands.

I get it.
I really do.
Why else would I be trying
To help you?

Maybe if you took
A step back from your books
Then you'd see
How it didn't all
Fall
In place for me.
How I've put in
The effort needed for a win.
How although I haven't spent
My nights studying, how time went
By in class;
Glass-
Glazed eyes from only staring
At the teachers as they walk past.
Not caring
About how much I carried
The team, just so
Everyone could go
Ahead for an A.
And how they
Never seemed to know
How long I spent in the glow
Of my computer screen.

I know you all don't mean
It. But I've worked hard too.
I do
Understand you.
You know,
In this scenario,
I don't think that I'm the friend
That doesn't comprehend
The stress that's sent you round the bend.

Too many people take
The shortcut home; the one to make
Your journey
No more than thirty
Seconds shorter. It may
Be dirt now, your everyday
Pathway,
But I’d just like to
Bring you
To the past,
When this path was still grass.
When the lawn was green
And lush,
Before people’s needs to rush
Became more
Important than the lives on the floor.
Maybe if you just took
A look
On the ground,
Then around
You for another road,
Then the grass wouldn’t have the load,
The weight of your body on them
Once you step upon them.
Make a pass
On the grass.
Take a different path
To avoid the plant’s bloodbath.

I hate
The stabbing feeling
At my food and water’s gate
Into my body.
Hate dealing
With the bacteria in me
When their arrows
Are pointed in that narrow,
Singular spot
When anything cold or hot
Just hurts. Please
Leave me alone; no lease
Was signed before
You declared war
On the space
That wasn’t yours
In the first place.