never going out with it
the hole that's leaving my soul bare
im guilty
i wish i could tell you things
instead i can only stare
and pray you understand

improbably divine, it happened still.
reborn, rebuilt, rebroken and rejoined,
like grass that grows across the asphalt scars,
some different kind of me with changing will.
adapting. morphed. you know, sometimes,
the thing what hurts you so, so much
can turn into a blessing in disguise.
or so I hope.

took out the glass shards from my feet,
then stepped one time, ignoring pains,
covered the road with my blood stains.
it hurts, but so important still. and so,

I'm ready now to step again
and re-discover

There is nothing more I wish
Than to see the loved ones
As they pass away.
Because every time they died,
I was never around
And they died alone.
At home, or at a hospital.
During my school hours
Or in the deepest night.
And I don't want to be elsewhere.
I want to be there.
I NEED to see them.
To properly say
Goodbye.

And thank you.

Stop.

Calm.

Exhale.

clear your mind.

breath in.

and out.

This world
is kind.


You will be fine.

You're doing great.

inhale.

exhale.

four - seven - eight.


Now hug yourself
and softly smile.

or cry a little.

breathe for a while.


accept

and calm.

see what is there:
your favourite place
you've built with care?

strong growing plants,
delicious tea?

a patch of sunlight,
warm, gentle sea?

inhale... and listen
for a while.


it all will pass.

and all be fine.

♥

Back then you were
Happy, thankful, content
A year later
Broken, wailing and spent
A month later
Hopeful, nervous and sad
A week later
It's the worst that you've ever had
A day later
You're healing and turning to friends
An hour later
Treading barefoot in the sand
A minute later
't was never so easy to love
A second later
Your heart's being taken apart...
What will happen,

we never know from the start.

You've been there, seen that, done that, -
But I don't care because
I have to try to be there,
I need to go and see that,
I must attempt to do that -
But this time, on my own.

When I first crushed into this boy,
it was like walking in the breeze
a beam of sunshine on my desk
a hope of seeing something more
When I first crushed into this man,
There was no pain, but much of fear
I saw him wild and saw him tamed,
And thought I knew what was his core.
I didn't.

Much to his surprise,
I stood relentless by his side.
He pushed away, I didn't halt,
And now I'm broke,
And it's my fault.
When I first crushed into this man,
I had a thousand miles to go.
I'm walking still without a plan.
Above me cries ****** of crows.
It's killing me and I don't care,
I've promised not to turn away.
My soul's beginning to decay.
I'm scared as hell and it's not fair.
Right now, I write and realise.
It's not like walking in the breeze -
A storm that upside-downs my desk.
A pain, and fear that makes me freeze.
Right now, I write and realise -
Despite all this, I still don't care.
It's downright mad and it's unwise,
But to see you, I'll pay this fare.