today,
i wore it again
and people complimented me
they say red is my color
and it suits me.

today,
it's too thick and dark
did i overapply
no, it's the right amount
just enough
to make them think
i'm fine.

today,
i look at myself
in the mirror,
and they're right
red shines on me,
so i applied
another layer,
and another
until my lips felt too thick,
but my eyes still see
the scars beneath it.

I stood looking up under that same moon
More desolate than the lunar landscape
More isolated than the furthest galaxy
More nebulous than any constellation

I stood looking up under that same star
Heart blacker than the void
Love brighter than a pulsar
Tears trailing like a comets

I stood looking up under that same sky
Missing you

No man is an island,
Not even a continent,
So the geography isn't human,
And we're lost in search of definitions,
But maybe we are coastlines,
Every one running in circles,
Never meeting an another soul.

Women are more interesting
But, alas, not for me
Best time we ever had
Beauty Baltic Sea

My oldest son likes to fish
Soon he drives alone
All these little poems
On my little black cell phone

Rain again today
Hath the rain a father?
2 prayers for my sons
3 prayers for her daughters

I like Michael Clayton
I like Star Trek too
I'm tired. Exoplanets.
Comin' home to you

      Do wah Diddy do

I sold Jesus today
For a 150 pounds
It was the best I could do
After making the rounds
At least he was worth something
After all these years
Pain, Suffering and Tears

These words are for me,
For I'm the one who's hurting,
I'm just healing myself.

I'm mad at God
I've never been mad at him before
Always understanding and patient
I never questioned the purpose of the pain

The purpose of pain
I'm sure there is one
but I am tired
It is the same thing and I find myself trapped in a cycle of insanity
What is the purpose? What is the lesson? What am I missing?

I'm mad at God
Maybe mad is the wrong word
Frustrated. Hurt. Exhausted. Angry.
But not mad.
Its not so much a place of casting blame
but rather "what do you want from me!?"

How much longer will I have to endure?
How much longer will I have to cry out?
When will I see an answer?
You don't play mind games
and yet I am currently unconvinced of this

Unconvinced I have received any sort of healing
only led to believe so
"I don't know" has been a phrase I've said the most

So yes perhaps I am mad at God.
I don't know what else to feel when one is falling apart, even if they are falling into place.
The pain is still the same.