i hope you're doing well;
a friend said you were.

i'm forgetting
the precise shade of your
deep dark eyes;

it hurts to forget.
my forgetfulness
causes tears to well up within me;
and what i still remember
makes them burst out,
flowing, pulsing, running
down my cheeks.

i still remember the feeling
of looking into
your heart-wrenching eyes.
and though you're gone,
i feel it still;
it carries my mind
so far adrift that
it paralyzes my body.

but i wonder how you are.

i'll feel autumn's cool rush
in the park
on a sunday,
with you by my side,
your arm curled 'round
the sleeve of my leather jacket.

and sunlight
will soften
your face;

together we'll walk,
retracing our steps:
it's a dream i chase.

it's rained every day
since i got here

the soothing
sound of rain
showering a forest's leaves
accompanies
the thought of you
and so i ache
in the face
of such peace and familiarity

i wonder what
the thought of me
feels like
to you
half a world away
accompanied
by a sunny breeze off the bosporus
by your native tongue
by your mother's gaze

if i was there
with you
i'd whisper softly
that the river of my love will never run dry
i'd whisper that you are heaven

but since i'm not
i hope the thought of me claws
into your skull
i hope that it gives a bullhorn to the voice
of your guilt
so that the next time you see me
you'll know

i wanna take the subway
i wanna take the train
to the end
of the
line

i wanna think
in anonymity

of how i see you
in the face of each
passing stranger
of how your breath sweeps over me
in the draft from
the black tunnel

i beg the calm silence of
time passing
to align my hopes
i hope the city can set me free
i hope it reminds me that although i am lost
i am unafraid

i loved him because
of how
in need of love
he was

tending to his
bruises and scars
stitching his wounds
days were full
of tears
of joy

i loved him because
loving him
was like
feeling summer's first breeze

we struggled together
we struggled with ease