Julia Celine

Julia Celine Mar 2021

With my head in the clouds
I promised myself no more
All the dreams that once embraced me
Were lost in this greyscale haze
Of memories of the dark days
Diminished by the light
Like a reel of film
Exposed and muted
And I–
Might let myself fall in this

              I'm not so good at writing happy thoughts
              The unfamiliarity paints a stranger in my mind
              That feels so strangely like home

              But you hold out your hand to me
              And I think I can see it–
              The kaleidoscope of colors
              That burns from within

                            It's chaos, confusion and carelessly crude
                            The fear and excitement's a belligerent blue
                            Blood red wreaks havoc on knotted up seams
                            To break through the barriers I've built up for me

                            It heals all the wounds with a lilac calm
                            It assembles a mural on ivory walls
                            It murmurs a secret in marigold scrawl
                            Of the colors you discover inside of the fall

                                          You smile and I melt in a rose-gold twist
                                          And I think I–
                                                        Might let myself fall in this

#love #hope #colors

Julia Celine Mar 2021

Obscure

I laid my secrets in the shadows
That follow where I lead
But now my steps are growing weaker
And they're tugging back at me

I thought I spoke into oblivion
The words cut off at my teeth
I fed them to my shadows
And now my shadows feed on me

#darkness #fear #memories

Julia Celine Mar 2021

Clean

Don't you miss the feel of it
Like rain against your skin?
Do you jolt the thoughts into your brain
To breathe them out again?

Do you raise your hand to sink down where
The burn becomes a cool?
And lay your heart to float out where
The drops become a pool?

Because I used to wrap myself up
In the comfort of no time
And indulge myself in the thought
That no one needs to be alive

Well for a while I was able to freeze
The hell inside my mind
And now I'm left to ponder
All the warmth beneath the ice...

#depression #growth #relapse

Julia Celine Mar 2021

Daffodils

The daffodils will grow in the yard again

Now that the last of snow will melt

My dear, I think we're older now

And we must grow as well
.
.
.
.

#growth #change #love #loss #renewal

Julia Celine Mar 2021

The way we are (at 2 am)

There's an exhaustive introspection
In the light behind our eyes
Yet we stay silent in the wake
Of another sleepless night

I will never get there–
The place I need to be
I curl up and find some comfort
Somewhere far away from me

#insomnia #dream #selfdoubt #anxiety

Julia Celine Mar 2021

Composed

I never felt like I depended on you
I kept my feet on solid ground
We coexisted and took time to listen
To our vastly different sounds

But you learned how I take my coffee
And all my favorite brands
The little things that live between
Our well-choreographed dance

And before I knew it, you'd become
A vital part of the song
So now I misstep with uneven breath
Because the notes are falling wrong

#love #dependency #heartbreak #music

Julia Celine Feb 2021

Perpetuate

She was the summer days I stopped counting
The hours, I didn’t mind
Wasting them away into the sound of crickets
Somewhere in the night
The clock somewhere kept ticking
As I looked in her eyes
They’re more earnest and more beautiful
Than all the world combined
So much I didn’t need to see
As the darkness overcame
As if promising eternity
I held her to my frame
I let the moments overtake me
Time became but a construct
No I didn’t know anything
But love and care and hope and trust

But today I laid down to rest without you
Knowing the time, the date, and then
I realized that I’d spent the day
Counting every second

And maybe, we never had enough

#time #love #loss