People often ask me
why I'm so loud all the
time. I wish
I could tell them
that I'm only trying
to drown out the noises
inside me.

There are days, weeks,
Months even, when
I'm perfectly fine.
When words roll off my tongue  
Like raindrops off an umbrella
When my smile lights
Up my own small world.
And then there are  
Days when life itself is a  
Nightmare.  
When The Bell Jar drops upon  
My room,
When my brain turns into fog  
And my body like salt on a rainy day
Dissolving into the very air it breathes.  
Feeling better seems like the  
Hardest thing I'll ever do.
But, The worst part is  
That I don't even want to feel better
I want to keep dissolving, keep reducing
Until there's nothing left to be dissolved.  

This thought is what frightens me most.

And if my lungs continue to suffocate me,
I will let it over take me.
I will just close my eyes,
And maybe someone will hear me say goodbye.

Don't fear the pain,

use it,

keep it there,

beside you,

and maybe,

just maybe,

it will give you the words to say in a poem,

or the notes to play in a song,

for sometimes

it is flying with what hurts,

that gives us the colors to paint with.
                                                                                        Jon York    2018

b r e a t h e
he says

i open my eyes
barely recognizing
all those people around me

he takes my hand,
the familiar touch of it
a tingling sensation
making my heart do a tiny, little dance
a smile creeping up in my face

b r e a t h e
he whispers.


it’s all going to be okay.