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Sometimes your death hurts me deeply…
As deafening scream inside me

And is not even that I wanted you back in my life
We changed so much…
Our worlds does not had nothing to do

Is just that it hurts that you don't exist anymore
because even if our lives had never been blended again
knowing that you exist gave me happiness
I wished SO MUCH for you…

Really…
sometimes it hurts so bad that the air I breathe
is not yours anymore…
that the moon I see can no longer be seen by you …
That I was left remembering alone how much I loved you
and the beauteous way you loved me…

It hurts...
I`m a happy person with many deep wounds, sometimes they win and I feel the pain as if it is recent - This is for my first love that died 5 years ago, we were not a couple anymore at that time,  but as I said  in what I wrote, sometimes his death still hurts so bad because I wished the best for him.
I told everyone that I’d be fine -
They dynamited my golden years
And put the pieces in the trash -
But I said I would be OK.

I have resources and reserves
That paved the way
Past rocky highways in the past
And would suffice me once again.

I reassured the ones who wept
That this was not to be an ending -
That I had maps and GPS
To guide me to a safer haven.

But when I looked inside the box
Containing my bravado
There was a hug and a kindly word
And nothing else to help me.

Shocked at all that emptiness
The first thing that I did was cry
And gape into that hollow space
To wonder where the courage went.

But when I saw the others stare
I clamped the lid back on real tight
And glued a smile onto my face,
Picked up my box and strode away.

Now I’m hidden safe at home
Astonished at my disbelief
That years could warp away and melt
The fortitude I counted on.

That I should find myself alone
With nothing but a broken crutch
To help me cross the quicksand bog
And locate solid ground again.

How shall I navigate the mire?
My GPS and maps are gone.
Bravura’s just a memory.
I’m not the big girl after all,

There is no Mommie I can call
No friend to offer magic beans
This time I find myself alone
To see if I can find a way
To fill back up that empty box.
ljm
The job search is finally starting to show some promise.  No income yet, but some promise.
it’s warm today
the lake is blue
like your eyes
You're gone,
but I am still comforted
by your warmth.

You're gone,
but I am still safe;
for you have taught me,
how to find refuge
                                 in myself.
People die, love doesnt. In loving memory of Dad
My father was a man of a few words. You could always see him around, but he rarely spoke. There are days he would just say 10 words to me & some other days none. Now that he is gone, his silence stays. And it’s deafening.
Like the sunset
On a rainy day

You are missing

How is it
that one person can be both
the sunset that never came
and
the sun that set too soon?
Death of a father
Remember brother we didn't play with toys
we were two little toy soldiers
on two sides of the cold war
crawling on elbows and knees
in the backyard with a blackberry tree
firing at each other with invisible guns
our mouths echoing the rat-tat of bullets
and it was not blood that soaked us
but drops of heavily falling rains
upon soil long parched by the heat
exuding smell of love all over the wind
when the two would roll over each other
escaping from a war with no real enemies
pleading i'm wounded, don't shoot me.

We don't play wars any more brother
the cold war is long over
and we stopped being not enemies.
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